People Who Are Normal On The Surface But Broken Underneath Do These 5 Things After A Break-Up
If these signs sound familiar, the breakup may have been a blessing in disguise.
Andrea Piacquadio | Canva Breaking up stinks; no one can tell you otherwise. Whether it was mutual or involved a mixture of crying and yelling, it’s never something one looks back at fondly. Sometimes we might even have second thoughts, worrying that we might have let go of someone who could have been our forever.
However, before you focus too much on just the good memories, there are some subtle signs that although a person may seem normal on the surface, just after breaking up they may exhibit signs that reveal they're broken underneath.
People who are normal on the surface but broken underneath do these things after a breakup:
1. They only worry about picking up all of their things from you
After breaking up comes the dreaded “I want my shirts back” moment. While it’s normal to want your belongings back, there’s a nice way to do it.
If you see your ex is not even trying to apologize and his messages revolve around picking up his things, then you probably made the right choice. After all, what kind of a person who wants to be with you is more concerned with their stuff?
2. They make you look as if you’re being dramatic
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This can be anything from acting as if you’re being the crazy ex-girlfriend or alluding so to your mutual friends, but it’s never something you should brush off.
One of my exes sent me only one message after a breakup asking if we could be “civilized” about the situation. Such behavior implies you’re being unreasonable and he’s the composed one when, in reality, it isn’t the case. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this should never be tolerated.
When a partner makes you feel like you're being dramatic, psychology often refers to this as a form of gaslighting. In this manipulative tactic, they downplay your feelings, experiences, and concerns, making you doubt your sanity and perception of reality.
A 2022 study found this is often used to control the relationship's dynamic. Phrases like "You're being dramatic," "You're overreacting," or "That's not a big deal" are common ways to invalidate your feelings and make you feel like your concerns are insignificant.
3. They tell you to lie about the reason you broke up
This is the reddest flag as red flags go. This not only shows you he cares more about appearances but also that he knows he screwed up.
No one who ends a relationship with someone over something innocent such as simply not being a good match feels the need to lie. What’s more, if he makes you lie about your breakup, he doesn’t value or respect you and what you two shared.
4. They instantly remove all signs of your relationship from social media
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While this is very common in the age of social media, it’s polite not to go on a photo removal spree the minute you break up with someone. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s disrespectful and hurtful.
Of course, you don’t want to look at old photos and memories that cause you pain, but instantly unfriending your ex, his friends, and family members is a little too much. If your ex tries to remove you and what you shared from his online life the second he’s single, you don’t want him back.
Removing all signs of a past relationship from social media after a breakup is often considered a healthy coping mechanism. It can help individuals move on by minimizing exposure to reminders of the ex-partner, potentially reducing distress and facilitating the healing process. However, a 2021 study concluded that the extent to which someone engages in this behavior can vary depending on their personality and the nature of the breakup.
5. They change their relationship status to single almost immediately
This is another sign of times, but it also indicates something else — he’s single and ready to announce to the world he’s available. After a breakup, most people want to take some time alone to reflect and cope with their emotions, regardless of how the relationship ended.
So, if your ex is Facebook single, he’s sending a signal to everyone he’s on the market. That just shows he’s not worth your time since he has already seemingly moved on.
Regardless of the reason, your age, and the situation, breaking up is always hard. When you share your life with someone for a long time, there are always going to be some unresolved issues and hurt feelings. However, there’s always a way to go about class and respect for one another.
If your ex does any of the things listed above, be glad your relationship ended. Now he’s someone else’s problem.
Natalie Trznadel is an actress, photographer, writer, and traveler who focuses on relationships, current events, and self-love.