Professional 'Breakup Experts' Share The 8 Undeniable Signs You Need To Break Up With Your Ex
This relationship is slowly killing you.
pixelshot | Canva We get it — breaking up with your ex and moving forward with your love life is easier said than done. That’s why we are here to tell you how to perform an “ex-orcism” on yourself.
Read on and we assure you that you will feel more confident and ready to finally stop obsessing over someone who is holding you back from finding the man you deserve.
There is no definite answer for how long it takes to get over a breakup, but one study showed it took an average of 12 weeks.
Whether you’re still booty calling your ex, or merely emotionally holding on by a hangnail, staying connected to your ex in any way can wreak emotional havoc on what’s next for you.
Here are 8 undeniable signs you need to cut ties with your ex:
1. Your level of contact with your ex makes your current partner uneasy
Whether you’re serious or not, if your new love interest can see your connection to your ex, it’s a sign that you need to cut the ties.
2. You become anxious or jealous when your ex mentions a new love or dating interest
Feelings of jealousy when your ex starts seeing someone new can be confusing, especially when you've convinced yourself that you've moved on emotionally or are seeing someone new yourself. Don't be hard on yourself — take this as a sign that you may still have healing work to do.
3. You constantly have to remind yourself that you can sleep with your ex without becoming emotionally attached.
Chances are, that’s exactly what’s happening. While it is possible to be intimate with someone without forming an emotional attachment, when it comes to sleeping with an ex, that emotional attachment was already there at some point.
“This leads to feelings of being used,” Chris Leeth, a licensed professional counselor from San Antonio, told PsychCentral. “Eventually, a person becomes frustrated with their ex, and that’s when the problem really starts to manifest. The person with feelings now truly feels used and diminished, perhaps even manipulated.”
4. Your mood is negatively affected when you don’t hear from your ex regularly
Going "no contact" after a breakup is a crucial part of the process of moving on. As Leanna Stockard, LMFT told VeryWell Mind, ceasing contact with your ex helps to prevent both you and your ex from falling back into the same patterns and potentially ending up in a relationship again.
If your ex went from talking to you regularly to slowing down contact, they may be struggling with their feelings for you or could be seeing someone else. Either way, if you find that their lack of contact is affecting you regularly, it may be a sign you're still harboring feelings for them.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
"If you continue to stay in contact with an ex, there is a possibility that these emotions will continue to remain high in intensity," Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, PhD, explained to VeryWell Mind.
5. You’ve saved old emails, voicemails, and texts, and revisit them frequently, reminding yourself that he loved you
This is one of the biggest things keeping you in the past with your ex, thus keeping you from moving on, according to one study from the University of New Hampshire.
6. You’re still cyberstalking your ex on Facebook and Twitter
Don't worry — we're all guilty of this. Unfortunately, research has proven that keeping tabs on your ex's social media is actually bad for your health.
7. You compare every guy you meet (single, married, doesn’t matter) to your ex and they never measure up
The tough love truth is you could be casually casting your future husband aside because of the inaccurate pedestal you’ve propped your ex up on. (How many future husbands are you willing to miss out on in your quest to keep your ex in your life? We vote for none.)
8. Finally, the biggest sign you need to break up with your ex is, drum roll please, if you are more focused on his future than your own.
If you are obsessed with who he’s dating, what he’s doing, worrying about whether he’ll get married first, have a baby first, win the lottery first, then you need to perform an “ex-orcism” and kick your former flame to the curb immediately.
No more calls, texts, emails, or contacts of any kind. Cold turkey is hard, my friend. Believe it or not, it can also be your best friend who will one day lead you to your future husband.
Don’t you agree that you deserve to move on to a better, brighter man? Don’t become trapped in your past relationship.
Breaking up with him is not an easy task but we are confident that you can fulfill it! Just think: every time you resist the temptation to call, text, or cyberstalk him, you will be one step closer to finding the man of your dreams.
Dr. Shelia Robinson is a celebrated publisher, best-selling author on leadership, inspiring speaker, and talent innovation specialist.
Lisa Steadman is a breakup expert, bestselling author, media personality, and highly sought-after voice for women who are redefining what having it all looks like.