6 Hints A Man Is Just Not It, No Matter How Good He Looks On Paper
Just because he makes you feel right, doesn't mean he is right.
dikushin | Canva By Dr. Sherrie Campbell
The endless search for lasting love can be exhausting, frustrating, and depressing. We may question why we search in a world dominated by social media and serial dating.
We search because we want to be in love. We want to feel that connection and safety with another person. However, making smart decisions regarding love is a huge part of this picture. Here are some things to consider, ladies, as you get to know that new guy!
Here are 6 hints a man is just not it, no matter how good he looks on paper
1. He's hardly available
fizkes / Shutterstock
Something is up if you cannot easily contact him when he lives in the same city. For a woman, it's always a little nerve-wracking to reach out to a new guy. If you call him and he sounds annoyed or inconvenienced or only returns some of your calls/texts, maybe this isn't the guy.
2. He doesn't validate you
New Africa / Shutterstock
If the last time he complimented you was the day you met, then this guy does not value you the way you deserve. Not that a man should be falling all over himself to compliment you, but he should be proud to be yours and, under no uncertain terms, let you know this as often as possible.
Any healthy partnership is based on recognizing and making the other person feel good. This is natural to the feeling of love.
A man consistently invalidating his partner's feelings can be a significant red flag, indicating potential relationship issues. This behavior can lead to emotional disconnection, erosion of trust, and even psychological harm. A 2015 study explained that some individuals struggle to handle their own or others' emotions, and invalidation becomes a way to defuse complicated feelings rather than engage constructively.
3. He doesn't spend time with you
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
You have an amazing time hanging out, but he hardly tries to be together. If thoughts of you seem to vanish from his mind when you are not around, and he has every excuse as to why he cannot see you, it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel it is when you do spend time together. A man who wants a woman makes the effort to be with her.
4. He's dependent
New Africa / Shutterstock
If you notice he is always low on funds and food in his fridge and cannot keep his place clean, this man is looking for a mama. He will take from you, allow you to care for him, and not value you all simultaneously. This is a clear sign he cannot take care of himself. Get up and run.
While some men may experience dependency in relationships due to various factors, including learned behaviors or personality traits, it's not a definitive indicator that a man is not the one. An article by Meridian University found that dependency can be a complex issue with multiple contributing factors, and understanding its roots is crucial before making such a judgment.
5. He's not good with compromise
simona pilolla 2 / Shutterstock
This guy is inflexible. Things must go his way for any relationship to be established.
When you are straightforward with him about what you expect, he may agree, but when it comes down to it if it isn’t his way, it will be the highway, so start driving. Relationships require flexibility in an effort for both partners to get their needs met. All things cannot be based on one person’s idea of timing.
6. He's not willing to fix the issues
Srdjan Randjelovic / Shutterstock
If this man would let you walk away without any fight, he was either never invested, or he knows you are too good for him deep down. Your first real fight will give you an idea if he is a quitter.
If you have to fix everything when he is wrong, you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship. He would rather give up. This person doesn't have much self-value and certainly not enough of a work ethic to value anyone else.
All of these men may seem easy to spot, but any combination of these traits could happen in your relationships, and you will be amazed and what kind of mental trickery you will do to stay.
You will first search for every reason; regardless of what it looks like, you have enough evidence he does love you. This is happening because the relationship still provides you with value, happiness, and pleasure; you have an attachment to him, and this is hard to let go of.
Research suggests that a man's unwillingness to address and resolve relationship issues can be a significant indicator of a potential lack of commitment and a possible incompatibility in the relationship, potentially signaling that he may not be the right partner. A partner who actively avoids acknowledging or addressing problems might be experiencing personal issues, fear of vulnerability, or lack of genuine interest in the relationship's well-being.
Little Life Message: If staying with a man comes from making excuses and justifying his substandard treatment, you are missing out on meeting someone who can love you with no excuses.
eHarmony believes you deserve to find true love that comes with a lasting relationship. Because of this, eHarmony is committed to assisting singles everywhere in their search to find love and romantic fulfillment.
