The Secret To Finding The Relationship Of Your Dreams (Even If You Constantly Make Terrible Decisions)
You don't have to choose between two evils.
dekazigzag / Shutterstock Oh, the dilemma of indecision. Many successful career women are confident making decisions at work and indecisive when it comes to making decisions about their love lives.
If you've succeeded in your professional life by making logic-based decisions, it's because you've been educated, trained, and understand how to do your job proficiently. The opposite is true when it comes to love.
Indecisiveness in love shows up in any number of ways, including being consumed by unhealthy thoughts and asking your friends and family what you should do, spending too much time with men and in relationships that aren't right for you, feeling dissatisfied and unhappy, being afraid to make a mistake, second-guessing yourself, and questioning whether you'll ever have true love.
Years of indecision from trying to make the wrong man right for me, knowing what I should do and not do, and the thought of having to start over, took its toll on me. In hindsight, it wasn't the situation with my ex that caused me great stress, it was my indecisiveness.
If you're wondering how to make decisions when it comes to love and relationships, specifically whether to continue to date a man, stay in a relationship, or wait for a marriage proposal, here are four ways to decide with confidence.
Here are a few secrets to finding the relationship of your dreams:
1. Get clear on what's most important to you.
Define your core values, qualities you must have in your ideal partner, how you want to be treated by your partner, how you want to feel in your relationship, and what you want to be doing in your relationship. Use these as guideposts in making decisions.
For instance, if commitment is one of your core values and the man you're with says he wants to date other women, decide that he isn't the right man for you and leave him so you have the opportunity to meet a man who wants a commitment.
2. Be present with what you know and how you feel.
When you're having a hard time learning how to make decisions, notice that your mind is stressed about something that happened in the past or worried about something that might not happen in the future. Make decisions with more confidence by being in the present moment.
Take some deep breaths to get centered and become present. Then notice how you feel and what your body is telling you. Listen to and decide from your intuition.
3. Listen to your intuition.
If you tend to second-guess yourself, you're caught in the cycle of your thoughts. Listen to and make decisions based on how your body feels.
For instance, if you feel expanded and open, decide to move forward. If you feel contracted and shut down, decide to not move forward or to wait for more information. (If you're a visual person, visualize the scenarios you're thinking about and notice how each one makes you feel.)
4. Choose what feels best.
If you find yourself having to decide between two choices that seem equally good, ask yourself, "If I could only have A, but never have B, how would I feel?" Then visualize A and notice how you feel. Then visualize and feel, "If I could only have B, but never have A..." Choose the one that feels the best.
Making a decision about two bad choices? Consider choosing neither one of them and keeping an open mind for a different option to show up. You can do it.
Being afraid to make mistakes perpetuates the cycle of indecision. Breaking the cycle by approaching your decision-making with practice makes a better mentality. The more you practice, the more decisive you'll become and the better your love life will be.
Have the intelligence to recognize when you're distracted by your cycle of habitual thoughts, the wisdom to break free from these thoughts and listen to your intuition, the heart to be open to what is and what will be, and know that the outcome from your decisions is for your greater good.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is the founder of Love for Successful Women, and creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You.