How To Get Over Your Fear Of Love When Your Ex Betrayed You
It's up to you to heal and come into the present moment (instead of reacting from the past).
dragana991 | Canva You don't trust your partner and there's no good reason for it. You know this, but you can't seem to change it. Even if you're acutely aware of what you're doing, you can't seem to help but suspect and punish your current partner for crimes committed by your ex!
This nightmare you've been living through is one countless others are experiencing. It can be tough to trust again after you've been hurt by a partner who cheats. The images and raw emotions linger long after the relationship ends, even as you start a new relationship with someone completely different.
Here's how to get over your fear of love after your ex betrayed you
1. Pause for a moment
There's so much powerful potential in a simple pause. What would be different both inside you and in your relationship if you habitually paused before speaking or taking action? Think about the number of times you've cringed to hear the words that just came from your mouth. Wouldn't it be refreshing to give yourself the chance to decide whether or not you want to say (or do) that?
A pause is nothing more than a moment or two (or more) where you just breathe and calm down so that whatever you do next, won't be something you later regret.
2. Do a fact check
Newspapers, magazines, and news programs on TV and the internet are supposed to verify the stories they're about to report to the public. This is to make sure they don't perpetuate mistruths that could hurt people. We know that, unfortunately, fact-checking doesn't always happen in the media, but this doesn't mean you have to follow their bad example.
Whenever you feel anxious, jealous, and suspicious, remind yourself of the facts. Review the verifiable information you have and stop fixating on your guesses and assumptions based on what your ex did.
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3. Make completions
It doesn't matter how long ago your past relationship exploded because of your ex's cheating. If you can't trust your current partner because of your ex's crimes, there's healing for you to do.
Set aside regular time to make completions with your past so you'll be clearer now. Depending on you, this can take many different forms. A completion can happen as you write in your journal and let out pent-up grief or anger. If you enjoy painting, a completion can occur when you take out a fresh canvas and express how you feel in vivid colors.
The idea here is to get your feelings out so you can let them go. Create a meaningful ritual or action to help you come to a sense of completion and release of that painful past relationship. This may take some time, so don't rush yourself, but be sure you're moving toward completion — and not just reimmersing yourself in bitterness.
4. Be here now
To learn how to trust your current partner, start practicing being present. This can feel like a sort of mind game at first.
Notice it when your thoughts wander to the past and to the betrayal you experienced or to what you fear will repeat in the future. Gently return to the present moment. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel the breeze on your skin. See and hear everything you can in your surroundings to re-ground yourself in the now.
Creating a relationship with healthy trust, communication, and connection is easier than you think. It can be as simple as consciously choosing the words you use to say what's on your mind (and in your heart).
The responsibility is yours to admit your mistrust is all about your ex's cheating and to make some changes. Ask your partner for support, but don't ask them to make it right for you. That's just not possible.
No matter how hard your partner tries, it's up to you to heal and come into the present moment (instead of reacting from the past).
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.