The Disturbingly Common Reasons Why So Many Men Disappear After The Third Date
Just like that, poof! He's gone after the third date — but why?
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock Let's face it, dating can be discouraging especially when the men you go out with all seem to disappear after two or three dates. Things might start great on the first few dates, then without any notice, "Poof" and he is gone.
Is it you, did you offend him? Is it him, and he is incapable of commitment? Is it society, and we are all set up to fail at relationships since the situation is out of our control? Or is there a much simpler and more logical reason?
Here are the disturbingly common reasons why so many men disappear after the third date:
1. He's not invested
Dating is all about the process of getting to know each other and takes time and emotional investment. After the first few dates, you might feel you have invested yourself and probably have, but he isn't invested, as described in research from the American Psychological Association on the ups and downs of dating. Maybe he has stopped returning calls and you feel like he has disappeared from your life.
Ground Picture via Shutterstock
2. He thinks you're incompatible
In the dating process, we will often find incompatibility. A study on predictors of relationship formation supports how a lot of people will take this as a sign that dating is fun but a commitment is not possible.
These are the daters who will move on fast to the next because they know what they want in a partner and are unwilling to settle for less. Keep in mind he is dating you and probably other women as well. This is a common dating strategy and there is nothing wrong with it.
3. He's dating other people
The tip here is, you should be dating more than one person, too. Many people find it hard to date more than one person at a time when entering the dating world.
Most, if not all of these daters, have experienced a long-term committed relationship and now find themselves again searching for love. Because their frame of reference has always been monogamy, they carry the same concept into dating.
Dating more than one person at a time allows you to compare and contrast to see who rises to the top as the best person for you. I am not suggesting you sleep around, but I am suggesting you date around.
Dating more than one person allows you to find the right one for you, someone who is ready to commit to a relationship with you, as indicated by research from The National Academy of Sciences. So get out there and date more than one person at a time and let the monogamy happen naturally.
In the video below, dating coach, matchmaker, and YourTango Expert Julianne Cantarella explains how to understand the all-too-common phenomenon of men disappearing after the third date.
"Please keep in mind," says Julianne, "three dates do not a relationship make." Get out there and date more than one guy. Know what you want from a partner and don't settle for less. This is how successful daters find a forever person and avoid investing all the effort in one goy who just goes, "poof!" one day and is gone.
Julianne Cantarella is a Licensed Social Worker and Certified Life Coach who has spent her entire career helping those in need. She is the creator of a comprehensive one-of-a-kind, transformational-date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate.