9 Excuses Men Give To Avoid Commitment When They Don't Really Love You
Lame, lame, lame.
bbernard / Shutterstock He’s not committing to you. He has a billion reasons why he supposedly just doesn’t want to commit.
Some of these reasons may be valid, but either way, does he really care about you? You can’t tell. You sometimes think yes and sometimes think no. But he won’t commit and he’s not pushing the relationship further either.
It’s like you’re in a holding pattern: the train never moves forward. With all of his hesitancy, you wonder how to know if he's ready to commit and where you stand with him.
One thing that must be true: he doesn’t love you. If he did love you, he’d figure out his issues or concerns and commit to you.
So, what's the best way to tell you that he's serious about you? If he doesn't ever utter these 9 phrases. And if he does, you're better off ending things.
1. “I’m not ready.”
This is an oldie but goodie... not. He’ll say he’s not ready and, by chance, he may not be. He may really be traumatized from a breakup or divorce and not be able to give himself away, but this isn’t the case each time.
2. “I want to play the field still. Date around.”
Okay, keep those options open. He’ll tell you he wants to date around, but it also means that you aren’t the one for him... at least not right now. Maybe he’ll realize how special you are, or maybe not.
How do you deal? You go out there and date others and if seeing him is too hard, you release him to the world and see if he comes back. In the meantime, you keep hunting for someone who wants you as much as you want him.
3. “I can’t make any promises.”
Sure, he likes you so he doesn’t want you to go anywhere, but he doesn’t love you enough to commit and settle down. So, he’ll see you and spend time with you but he won’t commit because he doesn’t want to make a promise that he can’t keep. You deserve better.
4. “I still want to see what is out there. Check out my options. I’m sorry.”
If he prattles on about how he’s not ready to settle down because he’ll lose options and he’s not ready to do that, it’s crappy, but he’s honest. So, in a way, he’s doing the right thing by not promising you something he won’t stick to. On the other hand, he’s playing you. Drop him and see if he rolls on back.
5. “I don’t see a future with you.”
So, he’s a nice guy and is good to you, but he’s not signing himself up to be with you. Why? He doesn’t see a future with you. If he doesn’t see a future with you, he doesn’t love you and he’s not worth another breath or second of your time.
6. “It’s me.”
It may very well be “him.” His past relationship issues. His addiction. His fear of hurt. His life, college or job, or family commitments. Sure, there may be reasons that he can’t commit. But when he says "it’s me," he’s also saying, “It’s not you... the one I love.”
Let him take his excuses and go. If he figures out his issues and decides that you’re a “me” he’d like to be with, great! But otherwise, keep on walking.
7. “I just need space.”
Alright, let’s assess. Some space may be what he needs in order to think about what he wants and it’s not always a cop-out. Don’t write him off yet, but if he’s constantly asking for space it’s because he doesn’t want to commit to you and doesn’t love you.
Or, he’s got major issues. If he has issues, let him work on those. You can’t fix him.
8. “I’m not over my ex.”
Eye roll. This is a major excuse that you aren’t the one. And really, if he’s sitting there crying over his ex, nobody will be the one. He’s too busy soaking in his own misery to enjoy his life. Say bye to this tearful Tom!
9. “I just need time.”
If he just met you recently and is slow to start up, that’s okay. He’s worth being patient for. However, if it’s been years and he still has this little excuse, cut it off. Don’t be one of those people who dates someone for ten years waiting for an engagement, never to be asked. He doesn’t love you or he’s a chronic bachelor.
Alex Alexander is an author for YourTango.