Woman Told To ‘Find A Way’ To Attend Her Sister’s Destination Wedding When She Says She Can’t Afford It
Having a destination wedding requires understanding that some people won't be able to make it.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Well, it's wedding season, and that, of course, means one thing: drama. The lead-up to a wedding always seems to bring out both the worst and best in those involved, and for one woman on Reddit, her sister's nuptials are no exception.
But their argument brings up an important conversation not just about weddings, but about what is and is not worth it when it comes to big moments with our loved ones.
A woman's sister is angry that she can't afford to attend her destination wedding.
Destination weddings are a thorny issue, because on one hand, a bride and groom should be allowed to have whatever kind of wedding they want, even if it's the most extravagant affair ever created. At the same time, though, it creates financial expectations of every guest that are often unattainable, and arguably unfair even when they are feasible.
Such is the case with this wedding. In her Reddit post, the woman explained that her sister's bash is at a "very high-end resort," and that has put the endeavor well outside her financial comfort zone. "While I care about her deeply and want to be there for her big day, the truth is — I just can’t afford it," she wrote.
Her sister told her to 'find a way' to attend the wedding when she said she couldn't afford it.
It seems more than reasonable that a bride planning an extravagant wedding like this would be understanding about the fact that she is potentially excluding many of her guests. Not this bride, however.
"When I told her I wouldn’t be able to swing it, she said I should 'find a way' because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime moment and family should make sacrifices," she wrote. Which… OK, yeah, that's true, but only to a point.
"I get that it’s an important day for her," the woman went on to say, "[but] I don’t think it’s fair to expect everyone to go into financial stress just to attend." Right: Nobody owes it to you to ruin their finances for your wedding, family, or otherwise! There's more to the story, however.
The woman recently came into some money that she could use for the wedding. She just doesn't want to.
Now here's where the tables turn. "To complicate things, I did come into a bit of extra money recently," she admitted. "Nothing life changing, but enough that I could technically use it to go." So what's the problem then?!
"My priority has been putting that toward something more long-term, like paying off debt or building an emergency fund," she said. "I’m trying to make better financial choices, and flying out for a luxury wedding I can’t really afford doesn’t fit into that plan."
Now her sister is furious and "thinks I’m being selfish and letting her down." But she feels like her sister is being unreasonable. "I’ve tried to be supportive in other ways, but she’s clearly upset I won’t be there in person… I feel torn between guilt and the need to protect my financial well-being, and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair."
Even financial experts say that experiences are more important than money. Still, no one should be forced to attend a wedding.
On one hand, it's easy to see the sister's point, because despite what this woman says, the bottom line by her own admission is: She can afford to attend the wedding, she just doesn't WANT to spend the money. In all honesty, if I were her sister? I'd be furious, too.
There's an oft-repeated quote that if it won't matter in five years, it's not worth wasting energy over. Are the few thousand bucks she'll drop attending this wedding really going to make a difference five years down the road? Given how blasé she is about the money she just randomly received, it sure doesn't seem like it.
Being financially responsible is all well and good, but all that money could be gone tomorrow. Relationships are, ideally anyway, forever. Being in financial peril is one thing, but this seems more like a situation of someone being overly prescriptive about their finances, which is to say, tightwad territory.
But that's also her prerogative! And if you have a destination wedding, you have to be OK with the fact that a lot of people are gonna be like, "No thanks." That's a lot to ask of guests! And this seemed to be the main sticking point with most people on Reddit.
As one commenter bluntly put it, "if everyone’s attendance was important, they wouldn’t choose a destination wedding." Pretty hard to argue with that, and in the end, that's what the woman chose. After thanking her fellow Redditors for their input, she wrote in a follow-up, "I love my sister, but I need to be realistic about what I can and can’t afford." Sometimes that's just how it goes, and even brides need to be understanding about it.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
