Parents Who Do These 10 Things Raise Angel Children Who Aren't Spoiled
Successful parents who raise unspoiled, angel children have clarity and follow-through.
Foxy Dolphin | Canva In my practice, I often see affluent families struggling to raise unspoiled, angel children who are grateful despite being wealthy, going on lavish vacations, having beautiful homes, and owning the latest gadgets, toys, and luxury cars.
They ask me if it is possible to raise kids who aren't spoiled and my answer is: 'Yes, but you are going to have to work hard at it.; I call it intentional parenting and it takes discipline to pull it off. You need to have clarity and consistent follow-through to be successful, parents.
Parents who do these things raise angel children who aren't spoiled:
1. They say no regularly
Practice delayed gratification and not always giving your children what they want, even if you can afford it. Some parents have trouble saying no because of boundary issues.
As relationship coach Patty Stiles explained, "We defer to whatever other parents are doing or allowing. It's so much easier to follow someone else's lead rather than figure out what we value and how we want to set healthy boundaries within our own family.
Following what the 'cool' parents do may even help us feel a little 'cooler.' The good news is, if you find yourself caving to your child's every whim, you can turn this around pretty easily and quickly. The key is to pause in the moment, so we can break our bad habits, and choose something better for us — and for our kids."
2. They model gratitude
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Go beyond teaching your child to say please and thank you. Also teach them eye contact, a proper handshake, affection, and appreciation for the kind and generous things said and given to them.
If this does not happen, have them return the gift (either to the person or to you for safekeeping) and explain that they aren't yet ready to receive it.
3. They practice altruism
Donate clothes and toys to those in need (not just to your neighbors when it's easy and they have younger children!) and have your kids participate in that process.
Do this regularly as a family, sorting through, packaging, and delivering the goods together so the kids can see where their things are going.
Do this often and not just around the holidays.
4. They are mindful of the company they keep
If you only hang around other affluent families who are not raising their kids with intention, you may be surrounding yourself with those who will not help out with what you are trying to accomplish.
Be sure the family or friends you are spending significant time with have similar values to yours. Otherwise, you are going to feel defeated after a while.
5. They write thank you cards
Yes, handwritten on paper with a pen. When writing thank you cards or notes, psychologist Sharon Saline advised, "Giving thanks is an act of kindness and an expression of caring. It fosters integrity, generosity, and closeness.
Take some time to think about the people who bring you joy, are supportive, or love you for who you are. Consider and appreciate these people for being part of your support team, a precious resource that sustains you daily."
6. They don't catch every fall
Practice natural consequences from an early age — share some of your own experiences and teach them lessons such as "life is not fair." In addition, don't over-protect them from disappointments. You have to understand and believe that failing and falling are a part of successful childhood development.
"As modern parents, we 'protect' our children by not keeping score in games and declaring every kid the winner," explained psychotherapist Zoe Shaw, "I understand that forcing ultra-competitiveness at a young age is also detrimental, but declaring everyone the winner swings the pendulum to the other side of unhealthy. Neither is good. We end up teaching kids they don't have to work hard because everyone is rewarded the same no matter their talent level or effort invested."
7. They resist the urge to buy multiple things
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Just because you can doesn't mean that you should! Don't buy four American Girl Dolls — buy just one and have your child love and appreciate what they have.
That's one of the keys to how to raise unspoiled kids.
8. They talk to the grandparents and explain their intentions
Share with them your desire to have respectful, appreciative, kind, and responsible children and how you are going to achieve that goal.
You will need their help in doing this if they are like most grandparents who want to spoil their grandkids. Ask them to spoil them with love, time, affection, and attention — not toys, treats, and money.
9. They teach the value of money
Have your child manage their money through saving, giving to charity/others, and then spending. If you do this from an early age, you are truly setting a foundation of responsible wealth management, and this is part of raising unspoiled children.
If you aren't sure how to start, professional organizer Diane Quintana recommended, "If your child receives money as a gift for birthdays and holidays, teach them how to save by putting a portion into a savings account for them. Teach them how to be responsible with money by saving up for the special something they want. Create a special savings jar where they put the money they earn by doing extra jobs around the house for you."
10. They share their story
Last but not least, you should tell your kids about the legacy of your family's fortune. When I say wealth or fortune, that is all relative.
If you come from significant wealth, tell the story of how that was earned and created, as explored by research in The Social Forces Journal. If you are self-made, tell that story too — just don't forget that "giving your kids everything you didn't have" is not always a good thing.
There is probably a lot you learned along the way by stumbling to make you the person you are today. And at the end of the day, if you have a spoiled child — one who relentlessly nags, cries, and throws a huge fit when they do not get what they want — you only have yourself to blame!
Stop giving in and start applying most if not all of these values and approaches. You will have greater enjoyment in being a parent, your child will be happier and better adjusted, and there will be greater peace and love in your home. And that is something money cannot buy.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a mother, Doctor of Psychology, speaker, and author of Mommy Burnout: How Addressing Yours Will Make You A Better Mother And Create A Better Life For Your Children.