The Sweet Lesson A Psychologist Mom Learned From Her Son's 'First Day Of School' Meltdown
Stop to hear the message, no matter how loud and messy it may be.
halfpoint | Canva I thought I did it all right. I popped in to see the classroom and meet the teacher — check. Attend a 'back to school' picnic the night before — check. Read The Night Before Preschool at bedtime — check. Same school, same teacher, same classroom as the year before — triple-check.
So, why, when I said, “OK buddy, time to put on your new backpack and go to school” did my son start crying? And I mean really crying — screaming, yelling, holding onto the doorway, and saying "No!"
At first, I was super patient and reassuring, until I realized he was not going to stop. I carried him kicking and screaming into the car, broke into a sweat “buckling” (aka wrestling) him into the car seat, and proceeded to drive to school with my toddler son wailing.
Here's the sweet lesson a psychologist mom learned from her son's 'first day of school' meltdown.
Even as a therapist, my kids have massive meltdowns. Once we arrived at school he ran away, back to where we'd parked, and refused to get out of the car. "Holy Oh No!" I thought. This is bad! I felt confused, surprised and frustrated. Oh, and by the way, I had to get to work in 20 minutes.
So, I once again carried him back out of the car ... me in heels, him sideways on my hip at first and then upright where he drooled, cried, and snotted up my work shirt and brought him into class 20 minutes late. I was in tears.
Marius Pirvu via Shutterstock
The first bit of adult eye contact I made was with the school director who was cheerfully waiting at the door. When she saw what was going on, she immediately offered to ease him in. He agreed to let her help him, thank God. When we got into the classroom, I waved the teacher over and she knew exactly what to do to help him feel safe. When he finally, slowly, let go of me and looked as though he would be OK, I said goodbye.
Even therapist moms need a good cry.
Guilt-ridden and emotional I walked out, grabbed the 'first day of school' tissues that were lying there, and balled my eyes out some more in the car. The only sense I could make of this morning was — love.
I spent almost the entire summer with my kids. For better and worse, we spent long, fun-filled, exhausting days together. There were few transitions, not much scheduling, and lots of mommy time.
I hardly got dressed in work clothes, barely ever wore makeup, and existed to spend each day with my son. So, when I said, “Buddy, it’s time to go,” he protested because he was going to miss me, which APA research reinforces.
Perhaps, the meltdown said, "I love you".
Considering a study from 2003, I chose to believe that his first day of school meltdown was simply his toddler way of saying, “No, don’t let summer end. It was so much fun, I love you!”, and demonstrated in a 2003 study.
And just like that, I paused and realized that our summer together was priceless. It was not perfect and I was ready for school to start, but that precious time together meant the world to my little guy. And thankfully, he helped me realize that it meant the world to me, too.
So, cheers to our amazing children who teach us something new every day — if we just stop to hear the message, no matter how loud and messy it may come.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a mother, Doctor of Psychology, speaker, and author of Mommy Burnout: How Addressing Yours Will Make You A Better Mother And Create A Better Life For Your Children. More advice is available in her newsletter.
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