Parents Who Raise Kids Who Look Up To Them Always Teach These 4 Old-Fashioned Life Lessons
The best way to know if someone did a great job raising their kids is to observe how they engage as grown-ups.
Annie Spratt | Unsplash Children face increasing pressure from parents, society, and the media to succeed. However, raising healthy, well-adjusted children who look up to you when they're older means letting them fail and learning from their mistakes.
Children learn largely by observing and mimicking the actions of those around them. Since parents are often the most present people in their children's lives — of course, there are always exceptions — they become the most readily observed role models. The strong emotional bond between parents and the kids who look up to them comes from fostering a deep connection and making children more receptive to parents' positive influence.
Parents who raise kids who look up to them always teach these old-fashioned life lessons:
1. How to show up in life
Make yourself present. Put the phone down, stop texting, stop talking, and start listening. I mean listening — with your eyes, ears, and body. Don't go to your kid's soccer game and have your head down the whole time because you are updating your status and sending emails.
They know from the sidelines or the field if you were there or not, and being there in body but not mind doesn't help your kid feel connected to you.
2. How to be okay being alone
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We all understand you need to work and because of technology you may always feel "on." But your kid won't ever be shown there is a time and place to work and a time and place to play.
They will grow up feeling like you were half present and half gone, which to them equals mostly gone. Set aside time in which you focus on them.
Solitude is crucial for mental health. It provides a space for self-reflection, emotional regulation, creativity, and stress reduction, allowing individuals to recharge and better engage with others when they return to social interactions. A 2023 study showed that intentionally choosing solitude can lead to greater well-being and autonomy satisfaction, while enforced isolation can be detrimental.
3. How to be consistent
I can't say enough good things about being consistent in all areas of parenting. This is how babies, toddlers, and children learn, for better or worse, what to expect and what others expect of them.
If this sounds like a difficult task, choose the areas most important to your child given their age, and do it — consistently. This might be to make it home for dinner, to read books to them, or to pick them up from school. Whatever it is, it's an opportunity to maximize connecting.
Whether your child is 5 and talking about the latest word they learned to spell or they are 15 and having friend issues, your consistently being actively engaged in a relationship with them is the key to your kid experiencing feeling truly important to you. It's that simple and hard at the same time.
4. How to admire talent, not popularity
It's so important to get in the habit of doing this early in a child's life. Instead of saying that you love a certain athlete or actor, specify you love the way they play a game or act in a movie.
Kids have to learn early on that we don't know these people personally, and, therefore, have no idea what their character or integrity is in real life. Making this subtle shift can have a major impact on how society idolizes celebrities, and where your children will turn for role models. It's never too late to start.
According to a study published by Frontiers in Psychology, admiring someone's specific talents or skills, rather than simply admiring the person as a whole, can be more beneficial. It encourages focused learning, personal growth, and a healthier approach to emulation while minimizing potential negative aspects, such as unhealthy comparisons or unrealistic expectations, associated with idolizing an entire individual.
Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a mother, Doctor of Psychology, speaker, and author of Mommy Burnout: How Addressing Yours Will Make You A Better Mother And Create A Better Life For Your Children.