5 Common Millennial Parenting Mistakes That Prove Boomers Were Right All Along
This is not the road to happy adulthood.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Have you noticed how stressed out kids are these days? Parents, teachers, and child development professionals share how kids today deal with anxiety at increased levels, and it seems the American Psychological Association agrees. Our kids are struggling, and anxiety in children is on the rise. Could it be that Millennial parenting is too stressful? Did Boomer parents have it right letting their kids take it easy and even slack off a little?
We need to change the madness that is threatening to end childhood for our children, that will increase their stress and anxiety. What can we do as parents? We can say no.
Five Millennial parenting mistakes that Boomer parents warned would stress kids out:
1. They let kids stay up late for homework, practice, and on devices
Yes, you heard me right. Let your children not complete their homework, or do their homework earlier so they can prioritize the life-fulfilling need of sleep.
An Academic Pediatric Association prospective study showed that our children are sleep deprived. And sleep deprived children (and adults) are more anxious, stressed out, less productive, and likely to make mistakes. Why would sleep ever be optional for your growing children and their developing brains?
Parents, toughen up and set a bedtime. Keep electronics, school books, and other distractions out of their room. Set a lights out time and let your children get the rest they need.
2. They let coaches overschedule
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We need to step in when athletic programs have gone off the deep end — and Nationwide Children's Hospital agrees, "It doesn’t take long for sports practices and games to take over the weekly schedule and become overwhelming for both athletes and parents."
My youngest child had the choice to try out for two different club volleyball teams. One team practices daily and wins tournaments almost every weekend, while the other team practices two times a week, plays in only two tournaments a month, and often comes in second place.
I'm a wiser mother now than I was with my first two children, and we picked the second team. We want family time, dinners together, and some lazy weekends that consist of movies and wearing pajamas.
No, my son is unlikely to get a volleyball scholarship or become a professional volleyball player. But he will remember family dinners, time with his siblings and dog, hanging out with friends, and boredom.
3. They encourage way too many extracurriculars
Seriously, stop it now. There is no reason your child needs to belong to 20 clubs to prove themselves worthy of a college. Let them pick one club that they love, get good at it, see the value of contributing, and then come home and be with their family.
Let your kids find activities and charities that mean something to them and contribute in a way that is honest and valuable.
4. They pressure kids to perform well on standardized tests
Or find a way to help your child around the anxiety of taking those tests. This is a tough one because there is a lot of pressure on teachers to give these tests, even if they don't agree with giving children so many. Do your best to explain to your child that the tests are simply a measure versus a judgment.
Don't push your children to "study" for standardized tests, and don't make a big deal out of their scores, either way. If this is a big anxiety provoker for your child, talk to the teacher and principal to discuss options for your child.
5. They urge kids toward the Ivy League track
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There are thousands of colleges in this country and almost any one of them will be just fine for your child. When did we become a country that believes the nonsense about only a handful of colleges are worthy of our little angels? High school students (and often their parents) are so obsessed with getting into the absolute best colleges that they give up the joy that comes with a fun high school experience.
Look around you, parents — thousands of successful adults in this country did not go to Ivy League schools. Your children will have a far better chance at success if they hit adulthood with their emotional and physical health intact, as suggested by an examination of parent worry and the relation to child anxiety in Behavioral and Cognitive Psychotherapy.
6. They forget fun and family time and de-prioritize family dinners
One thing Boomers may have had right? They let their kids play and even just lie around. They also prioritized having everyone at the table for family dinners. Yes, that's harder to do today with kids' schedules, but Millennials have too often let this go too far.
So, set aside time to play a family game, watch a movie together on the couch, and have a collaborative dinner where everyone is involved. Baked potato bar, taco bar, and pizza bar are all fun ways to get everyone gathered around the kitchen counter assembling their food and prepping ingredients before dinner.
I often ask new parents to think ahead to the day when their child launches into the world, and what qualities they want their children to have by that day. Parents never tell me they want their children stressed out, filled with anxiety, burnt out, and miserable.
They tell me they want happy, well-rounded, young adults who are productive, finding their purpose in life, and surrounding themselves with healthy relationships. They want kind, loving, and purposeful children.
Childhoods filled with stress and anxiety are not the road to happy adulthood. It's time for parents to take a stand and protect their children from the dangers of being overscheduled and overwhelmed. It's time we take back our homes, our families, and our children's well-being.
Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives and success and meaning in their professional lives.