11 Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex That Are Actually Legit
Why you broke up could lead you back together.
Kaboompics.com | Canva When you first broke up, you may have never thought you'd consider getting back together with an ex — or maybe you did.
If you're wondering, "Should I get back with my ex?" there's a lot you should consider before rekindling a prior relationship.
Some say revisiting the past is never a good idea, it must have ended for a reason, or the two of you broke up because you were broken. But it might be time to rethink everything.
Here are 11 reasons to get back with your ex that are legit:
1. You met while you were with someone else
Though you thought you were ready when you finally got together, the fact is you still had some serious healing to do. You simply weren't in a healthy place to pursue this new relationship.
Regardless of how "right" they were for you in general, the timing was wrong.
2. You were in a time of transition with your career
insta_photos via Shutterstock
This meant leaving little time or energy to focus on the relationship.
Relationship coach Deborah Roth explained "Even with the best intentions and a passionate commitment to creating a healthy work-life rhythm, there will be days when everything just all falls apart. The perfect storm happens when both you and your partner have bad days and you haven’t had a chance to really connect in a while."
3. You didn't realize what you had
Most people fall under this reason along with how much you loved them until they were gone.
4. You weren't ready for something so real, intense, and consuming
You simply weren't ready for the real deal. At least, not yet.
5. You were still emotionally tied to an unhealthy ex
You weren't ready to open your heart to someone else yet, even though your ex was awful and the person in front of you was pretty great.
A study in the Journal of Social Psychology found "an increased chance of [relationship] renewals were all related to uncertainty about what the preceding breakup indicated, not having dated others after breakups, and feeling the on-off nature improved the relationship."
6. You still had some growing, learning, exploring, and self-discovery to do
You should get back together if you've used your time apart to do the growth, learning, and self-discovery you needed.
7. You tried imposing a timeframe on the relationship
You were ready for a proposal, marriage, and kids, but they weren't ready to move at your speed. So, you were more interested in finding someone else who was on your schedule.
8. You had some issues you needed to come to terms with and heal from
You have taken the time apart to heal and come to terms with issues you may have had before or during the relationship.
9. You were still in the "fun" phase of dating
You weren't ready to "settle down" with the one. Now you are.
10. You confused what you wanted with what you needed
You thought finding an alluring person with lots of money who is tons of fun was more important than one who is emotionally and financially supportive, nurturing, and understanding. Your priorities were off, and you've straightened them out.
11. You weren't happy with yourself
Krakenimages.com via Shutterstock
You were looking outside of yourself for someone to make you happy and didn't understand that no matter whose arms you were in you would still feel empty and alone if you didn't make some key changes.
If any of these situations apply to you, you then need to look at how the two of you spent this time apart.
You must have learned what it takes to be in a healthy, lasting relationship. That you've changed and gotten clear about who you are and what your needs are. You aren't a fool rushing in with just anyone anymore.
"You can’t change the past, but you can change your approach to future relationships. Instead of thinking about the shouldve's, couldve's, and wouldve's, think about the little changes you can make that will strengthen and enhance whatever will be next. This serves a better purpose and makes for happier couples than overthinking things you can never go back and change. Shifting your mindset and approach in small ways can make a world of difference in your love life," recommended therapist Brittney Lindstrom.
It should be plain to you that being with "someone" or "anyone" will no longer cut it, and you’re ready for "the one." You also should be happy and fulfilled just as you are, knowing that having a partner to share this life with will simply make it that much sweeter.
In some cases, getting back with your ex can work, and understanding the stages of getting back together with an ex is crucial before you go for it.
A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships said about 50% of couples get back together after breaking up. Your odds are fairly decent but remember that each couple is unique and love is not a probability game.
There is no way to know how long it takes for exes to get back together because every set of circumstances will require a different period.
If you want to know how you can happily and successfully get back together with your ex, it comes down to the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Those reasons could be signs you'll get back together.
You should have realized the person you've been looking for in everyone else is the person who's been in the back of your mind the entire time: your ex.
Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and a writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, The Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets.