The 6 Social Media Mistakes That Destroy Your Relationship
Social media can mess up your romantic life.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Who would have known that social media would take over like it has, even in your relationship?
It's not going away anytime soon. So, this means you need to get used to it. But, I've always felt if you don't want people to know something about you, then don't post it on social media.
Does social media damage your relationship?
Sounds simple, but you know that is not always the case.
I hear this a lot.
Someone posted something. You thought it was harmless, but then your partner's feelings were hurt. If this keeps happening, it will drive a wedge in the relationship.
When you're in a relationship, you also want to be careful about playing the comparison game on social media. People post their best side first on social media. You may feel like all of your friends and family on social media have amazing lives and healthy relationships.
That is not always the case. Just as you don't post about what's going wrong in your life or any relationship problems you're going through, neither do your friends and family.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think social media sites and social networks are a bad thing. But, you shouldn't take it too seriously. If you are playing the comparison game, you will never win. This will leave you feeling depleted and empty.
Here are 6 social media mistakes that are destroying your relationship:
1. Oversharing
A lot of people want to share the good times in their life on social media. This can be fine, most of the time. But, some people may see this as self-indulgent or tacky. Also, some people like to share more than others.
This is a good time to have a conversation with your partner about social media. Your partner may not be as excited to share on social media as you are. Or, only want certain things shared.
It's alright to have differences about wanting to share on social media. It's important to work on a compromise that you both agree on. This way no one gets their feelings hurt.
2. Checking social media instead of checking in with each other
This will cause your partner to feel neglected because you are spending time on social media when you are spending time together.
I can't count the many times I go out to a restaurant and I see the couple next to me on their phones. They are out on a date. They should be talking to one another.
To be in a healthy relationship, I encourage couples to use "I" statements when this happens. Let your partner know how you are feeling.
3. Continuing to interact with your ex on social media
This can drive a wedge in your relationship. Photos of your ex are out there, and they are likely to pop up again on social media. Make sure your partner knows that you don't have feelings for your ex anymore.
Also, you don't need to comment on posts that your ex makes. This can cause jealousy. Most likely, you have friends that your ex is friends with.
Make sure that you and your partner have clear rules as to how you handle your ex on social media. This will help create safety in the relationship.
4. Misunderstanding something on social media
In days where social media rules, it can be anyone's game. You may see a post from a friend that has your partner in it.
You thought he was at work that day, turns out he wasn't. Not only can this cause problems with your partner, but it can also cause problems with your friends.
5. Checking social media before bed
If you are checking social media before bed, your partner will begin to feel neglected. Let's face it, social media can be addictive. The next thing you know an hour has gone by. Your partner has given up and gone to bed.
Not only can this damper your sex life it can affect your sleep.
I always tell clients not to go on social media or take part in screen time an hour before bed. The brain is a muscle and needs time to cool down. When you are on social media, you are just keeping your brain awake.
6. Using social media to cover up uncertainty in your relationship
Sure, everyone wants to be in a perfect relationship. But, in reality, there is no perfect relationship.
When you post pictures that make you look perfect, you will begin to feel a lot of pressure. You are trying to live up to something that doesn't exist. Not only does it not exist for you, but it also doesn't exist for anyone.
Let's face it, all relationships go through highs and lows. If you are with a partner who makes you feel like you need to be perfect, then you are with the wrong partner.
It's important to remember that you can't keep a secret on social media. Whatever you post will be seen by a lot of people. This means you need to be selective about what you post.
If you are having problems with your relationship on social media, this could mean you have underlying problems. It's important to talk to your partner about this. This may sound impossible, but if handled gently it can be done.
Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationship back on track. Please subscribe to Lianne’s newsletter on Lessons for Love to learn more about her services and expertise.