If This Breakup Is Right, Why Does It Feel So Wrong

"I hate breakups."

"But I hate being alone too."

"I feel trapped."

Can you relate? Breakups can be paralyzing. Blindsided by your partner's change of heart, a sudden disappearance can throw your entire life into chaos. At times it takes years to recover. And then you want to try again? Many say "No Thanks."

Do you still ache for love, though? Is there a part of you that just can't let go of the chance that there is a man just right for you? Hang on to that slim hope. It is that bit of hope that has led you here.

There is a vapor trail of painful encounters that goes back many years for all people. Each person experiences "heartbreak" uniquely, but some accumulate layers of disappointment, each heartbreak fertilizing the one that came before, all growing together and getting more and more crippling.

The fact is...all that is true. But, there is another game behind the game that you don't even know is going on. You have an inner protective system that is on autopilot and you are conditioned to believe that love is hard, painful and ultimately disappointing.

Your brain, amazing organ that it is, has your survival on automatic pilot. Just like your breathing and heartbeat, there are certain things your body does that are automatic.

If your brain senses a threat that reminds it of a time of extreme pain in the past, an instant burst of stress chemicals flows through your body and freezes you in place.  That sudden loss of forward momentum is deeply distressing.

Once that happens, your body shuts down all non-essential functions and sends you into high alert. You are locked out of access to your higher self, that part of you that hums when you are having an awesome day.

After a breakup, it is critical to your future loving self that you detox from the floods of stress chemicals that define your breakup blues. When you flash back to the pain of a past breakup, it means that you are still in the grips of the original shock.

You can try to hide from these feelings but learning how to stop freaking out over your ex will not only cure your blues, it will also strengthen your chances to manifest a better guy the next time around.

Here are Five Keys To Moving On:

1. You are hardwired for changing your mood. Science is proving that brain chemistry can be manipulated purposefully and mood change is easier to manage than you think. Your end game is to train your brain to bounce you back to neutral as quickly as possible.

2. Your body can shift gears like a car and you can learn how to do it. If you are new here, please realize that it takes time to discover your own inner body cues that will help you find your own Mood Changer. You have lived a long time with the brain habits present today. Trust the process and only do the exercises that fascinate you.

3. The fastest way to change your mood is to do something physical. The reason you feel as despondent as you do is because your body feels terrible....again. Edgy, uncomfortable, fidgety or simply habitual tight muscles. Your own body is releasing the chemicals that are making you feel so terrible.

Read that again. There is a measurable physical reason that you feel as awful as you do when in the midst of heartbreak. If you feel like you do, you need detox. Your goal is to recognize this, acknowledge that you are getting hit by a tsunami of stress chemicals and then use one of your tools to turn things around.

4. When you interrupt that old pattern and feel relief, you have proof that you have released pleasure chemicals into your bloodstream. You cannot feel better unless your release those feel good chemicals. Physical activity outside is the fastest way to get there.

5. Your Saboteur LOVES to be acknowledged. It feels good to be noticed and praised for a job well done. When you start praising yourself for simply recognizing that you need a quick stress-chem detox and then follow through, you will be in a far better place to make a decision about who in the world you want in your life next.

"Even Though" are two of the most powerfully magnetic words you can use. They signal to the Universe that you are choosing to see at least two perspectives. Here are a couple of examples:

Even though I am feeling sad about my ex, it is only temporary and I will get through it.

Even though a part of me is so afraid of getting hurt, another part of me knows I am strong and resilient.

Even though this feels like the worst time in my life, I have been through tough things before and I will get through this too.

Be assured that you will be able to navigate through heartbreak in a new way hanging out here in my world. The reason I am an expert on disappointment is because I have sure seen my share. I know that this brain chemistry piece of the puzzle has saved me time and again!

Serious about getting over your ex?  Check out Breakup Candy for sweet relief.