People With These 5 Subconscious Habits Know How To Be Happy In Almost Any Relationship
Don't change your love life, change how you see it.
getty If you're desperately seeking a perfect relationship, call off the search! Whether you're single, dating, married, or divorced, you don't need to find a brand new partner — or a perfect partner at all — to learn how to be happy. All you need to do is look at your current love life "bright side up," from a more positive perspective.
Here are 5 subconscious habits of people who know how to be happy in almost any relationship
1. They let the lemons help them appreciate the sweet stuff
If you've never had a date go wrong, you wouldn't get as many fireworks in your belly when you kiss someone right. And sometimes it takes a bad relationship to open your eyes to see why you deserve a good one.
In other words, thank the lemons. Because as sour as they are in the moment, they're helping you appreciate the sweet stuff.
2. They find the sweet spot
Tennis players know the sweet spot on their racquet and aim for it every time. Well, we can aim for those same "sweet spots" in love, too. When are you most affectionate? That's your sweet spot for date night.
When are you most patient and positive? That's your sweet spot for making plans for the future. What time of day or day of the week do you feel the most excited and hopeful? That's your sweet spot for first dates when you're most open to having fun whatever happens. Harness the power of your sweet spot and you'll start hitting your whole love life out of the park.
Psychologist Katherine Agranovich explained, "One aspect of adulthood is that you can now re-write your mental software — consciously and purposefully — replacing old, negative subliminal messages with brand-new positive affirmations and beliefs. It turns out that life is a mental game, and the more you play it by taking control of your mentality, the easier and fun this game becomes. Even though life can get tough, you are always tougher."
3. They know what they bring to the table
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The condiments you pack in a picnic basket give you plenty of options to alter the taste of a meal, and that's how your love life is, too. If you're aggravated with your date or partner, ask yourself this: "What can I bring to the table that might change our connection?"
Maybe you could be affectionate first, ask questions, or be a generous and understanding listener. Sometimes a little hot sauce can be just the thing to change the whole night.
4. They are grateful for differences
We groan about the differences or flaws in our partners, but thank goodness! You don't want someone who likes the same food, music, books, and movies and uses the same perfect towel-folding technique you do. The Handbook Of Relationship Initiation explored how the differences are what keep us learning, and the little flaws in one another are the unique parts worth loving.
Do you know what learning how to be happy in love means? It means finding happiness in the floor models of love: as is. So sit back and enjoy your date or partner for who they are, full of little imperfections and big differences. Whether you're with them for two hours or twenty years, the differences in love are what make life most interesting.
"Two partners who are both laid back and easygoing may get along well but they won’t have the passion needed to grow together," advised holistic dating coaches Orma and Mathew Walters. "Two passionate people can find themselves clashing too often and ultimately exhaust the relationship. However, when you put someone easy-going together with someone who is passionate and fiery, then you can see how these qualities complement each other. The passionate partner brings fire to the relationship while the easy-going partner tempers the conflicts."
5. They learn something new in love every day
If you had a bad date or a bad fight today, at least you'll know how to do things differently tomorrow. No rough moment in a relationships is for naught if you gain wisdom and insight from the experience.
By learning to appreciate what's in front of you, being grateful for the good stuff, and shifting the way you approach relationships, you can be happier right now and finally understand how to stop complaining about the lack of romance. In other words, don't change your love life, just change how you see it.
For more ways to see life's silver linings, check out Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now and visit Amy Spencer's blog, TheLifeOptimist.com.