11 Signs Of An Adult Child Who May No Longer Love Their Parents
The behaviors, actions, and signs that can answer the question of whether your adult child still loves you.
MixMedia from Getty Images Signature | Canva Pro The bond between parent and child is often considered unbreakable. However, as children grow into adulthood, complexities in relationships can arise, leading to emotional distance or estrangement. Recognizing the signs that your adult child may no longer express love towards you is crucial for understanding and potentially healing the relationship. It’s not about blame — it’s about noticing what’s real, even when it’s painful, and deciding how to show up from there.
1. Minimal or no contact
If your adult child has gone from texting you regularly to only sending the occasional, impersonal holiday message or nothing at all, it’s not just a busy schedule. It’s often a sign that something deeper is going on. When weeks turn into months without a call or reply, and you’re the only one initiating communication, it can feel like you’ve become invisible in their life.
While it's normal for adults to become more independent, a complete drop-off in effort from their end can indicate emotional detachment. If there’s no sense of shared life anymore, no updates, questions about your wellbeing, or curiosity about your life, it’s fair to wonder if love is still present in the relationship.
2. Avoiding personal topics during conversation
If your adult child only engages in surface-level conversations with you like just talking about the weather or giving you casual updates about other people, but steers away from anything meaningful, it may be their way of keeping emotional distance. When they don’t want to share anything real about their feelings, relationships, struggles, or even joys, they’re signaling that you're no longer a trusted emotional space for them.
This might stem from past hurt, fear of judgment, or unresolved tension. But when you’re treated more like a distant acquaintance than a parent, it hurts, and it’s often a sign they’ve mentally and emotionally pulled away.
3. Lack of affection or gratitude
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If your adult child never says “I love you” anymore or hasn’t said thank you in years, it can start to feel like you’re only tolerated, not cherished. Love between adult children and parents doesn’t always look like dramatic gestures, but affection and appreciation matter. If they never acknowledge what you've done for them, roll their eyes at any attempts at care, or act indifferent to your efforts, the emotional warmth may be gone.
Oxytocin plays a vital role in connection and trust. Known as the love hormone or cuddle chemical, it is increased when you hug someone or show physical affection. An adult child avoiding these behaviors will only further the divide and can be a conscious choice to not feel the positive emotions with you that can lead to a stronger relationship.
They may also be withholding affection as a form of control or emotional distance. Or they’ve convinced themselves that nothing you did deserves recognition. Either way, it’s painful, and it usually signals a lack of love or willingness to reconnect.
4. Setting strict boundaries
Boundaries are important in any adult relationship, especially between parents and children. But if your child sets boundaries that feel excessively rigid — like no phone calls without prior permission, no visiting their home, or refusing to talk about any family history — it might be their way of shutting down deeper connection. It’s not just about keeping space for themselves, it’s about keeping you out.
When boundaries come with coldness, not care, or when they seem designed to punish rather than protect, that’s often a sign of lingering resentment or emotional closure. They may say it's for their peace, but it often reflects a lack of desire to let you back into their life emotionally.
5. Only reaching out when they need something
When the only time you hear from your adult child is when they want something — money, help with a move, babysitting grandkids — it can make you feel like a resource, not a parent. It’s one thing to be supportive, but it’s another to be contacted only when it’s convenient or necessary for them. This kind of one-sided relationship often reveals a lack of emotional investment.
If they never check in unless there’s something to gain and the conversation always centers around their needs, it’s a clear sign the connection isn’t coming from love, it’s transactional. Love shows up even when there’s nothing to ask for.
6. Persistent resentment
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Everyone carries some hurt from their childhood, but when your adult child seems to hold on tightly to every mistake you ever made—and brings it up constantly—it’s often a sign they haven’t made peace with you. They might weaponize old memories, speak to you in a way that’s emotionally punishing, or act as though your presence alone is a reminder of pain.
Even if you've apologized, grown, or tried to rebuild, they may still treat you like the villain in their story. That kind of unyielding resentment can be a wall between love and forgiveness. It’s hard to love someone you’re still actively blaming.
7. Disrespectful behavior
When an adult child speaks to you with sarcasm, contempt, or open hostility, it’s a sign that something has seriously shifted in how they view the relationship. You might notice they interrupt you, mock your opinions, or make cruel jokes at your expense. Disrespect isn’t always loud, it can show up in eye rolls, dismissive body language, or refusing to engage at all.
If you feel constantly belittled, especially in front of other people, it’s not just bad behavior, it’s often a symptom of lost love, or a deep emotional break that’s never been addressed. Respect is the foundation of connection, and without it, even familial ties can become strained beyond repair.
8. Emotional detachment
You can sense when someone has stopped caring, even if they haven’t said it out loud. If your adult child shows no concern when you’re sick, going through something hard, or celebrating a big moment, that emotional detachment can feel like heartbreak. They might forget your birthday, ignore your messages, or respond in flat, emotionless tones. It’s not just that they’re busy—it’s that they’re not emotionally invested anymore. When someone has disconnected from you emotionally, even out of self-protection, the result often feels like absence. And when you can’t feel their love anymore, it’s usually because they’ve pulled it back.
Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., described a phenomenon he’s noticed in parents who complain about their struggling adult children: emotional constipation. “I view emotional constipation as the tendency for someone to bottle up their upsetting thoughts and feelings and implode or explode later on. Being emotionally constipated gets in the way of what I see as the most crucial skills for life: calming down and solving problems. This can lead to sad and even tragic situations for adult children.”
9. Avoidance of family gatherings
It’s one thing to miss an occasional event, it’s another to consistently skip holidays, birthdays, or even casual family dinners. If your child avoids family spaces where you’ll be present, it often stems from a desire to avoid you, not just the event.
They might make excuses, cancel last minute, or show up late and leave early. Sometimes they’ll even send their partner or another family member in their place. That avoidance doesn’t happen unless there’s some underlying discomfort or disconnect. When love is present, even complicated love, people show up. When it’s gone or deeply buried, they don’t.
10. Talking negatively to other people
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It can feel devastating to hear from mutual friends or family members that your child is speaking poorly of you, especially if it feels exaggerated, one-sided, or cruel. That kind of narrative rewriting is often rooted in anger, hurt, or a need to distance themselves. It’s their way of justifying the separation by painting you in a consistently negative light.
This isn’t just venting. It’s often a sign they’ve hardened their heart toward you and possibly decided they no longer want a meaningful relationship. If they loved you and wanted to repair things, they’d likely speak with you directly instead of turning others against you.
11. Refusing to reconcile
The biggest sign your adult child may not love you anymore is when they shut down any attempt at reconciliation. You try to apologize and they say it’s not enough. You ask to talk and they ghost you. You suggest family therapy and they reject it.
Kristina Scharp, a director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab at Rutgers University and Michigan State, defines estrangement in the New Yorker as “an intentional distancing between at least two family members because of a negative relationship—or the perception of one. Sometimes it comes from an accumulation of grievances.”
When someone has decided they no longer want a relationship, they’ll often make it impossible to fix. That level of refusal is incredibly painful, and it can leave you in a kind of emotional limbo. But it’s also a clear message that they’ve either given up hope, or they’ve already moved on and decided to go no-contact without telling you. Love might not survive that kind of finality.
Micki Spollen is YourTango’s Deputy Editor. Micki has her Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism & Media Studies from Rutgers University and over 10 years of experience as a writer and editor covering astrology, spirituality, and human interest topics.
