If A Guy Does These 7 Things, He Doesn't Respect You (You Deserve Better)
He's not giving you what you deserve.
getty By Maria Hakki
When you first start seeing someone, it’s more comfortable to take it easy because you're still in the beginning and want to see where things can go. But while you may focus on figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you, looking for signs you have his respect is far more important.
According to relationship experts, every person who respects themselves needs to know there are things which indicate that their partner doesn’t respect them.
How do you know if he doesn't respect you enough?
Unfortunately, there can be many signs of this. Maybe he hates how you dress, or you're emotionally unstable, or he can't trust you. No matter how he feels about you, not showing respect means not valuing a person's feelings or trusting them.
What is mutual respect?
Put simply, respect is defined as "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."
In relationships, you show respect by taking your partner's feelings into account, being honest, and so forth.
For example, if your partner feels hurt by something you did, you need to take responsibility and make it right. When you both do this for one another, you show that your respect is mutual.
Dating and relationship coach Carla Romo says, “The beginning of the relationship subtly sets the tone for your future relationship with this person. If someone is disrespecting you this early on, then it could get worse. This person may be testing the waters as to how far they can push this behavior on your relationship.”
If, for instance, your new partner doesn’t text you back when they receive your message, you might need to react and explain to them that you wouldn’t like your communication to be like this. Otherwise, you put your relationship at the risk of becoming one-sided or unsatisfactory.
Finding someone who respects you from the very beginning is essential if you want to be happy in your personal life.
Hence, avoiding people who don’t appreciate and acknowledge your feelings or opinion is the right thing to do. if you are a person with self-respect and high standards for the partner they want to be with.
But people are different and so are their ideas of what is okay and what is not when it comes to love. This makes it a bit difficult to say what exactly is acceptable in a stable, healthy relationship.
We asked experts to share with us their opinions about this issue, and based on what they told us, we outlined the signs of unhealthy relationships for people with high standards who respect themselves.
So, what are signs of disrespect in a relationship?
Here are 7 disrespectful behaviors that are warning signs he doesn't respect you:
1. He isn't honest with you.
One of the most important elements of a stable relationship is honesty. So, if you often catch your partner lying to you, that’s a sign they don’t respect you. Hence, your relationship is not a healthy one.
“Whether it’s a white lie or something more serious like cheating, lying to a significant other says that they don’t feel that you have the right to know the truth,” says Justin Lavelle, dating expert and Chief Communications Officer of online background check platform BeenVerified.
2. He doesn't respect the way you feel.
Says psychotherapist Margena Carter, “If your thoughts, feelings, concerns, or complaints are dismissed or minimized by your partner, that’s a red flag that your partner doesn’t see you as an equal. It’s because they do not find validity in what you have to say. What you have to say is not deemed as important, and it’s not as valued or insightful as your partner’s forms of expression.”
In a situation where you feel your partner doesn’t respect your feelings, you should tell them you don’t feel appreciated. According to Carter, you shouldn’t avoid the little details because the problem could become more serious if you don’t nip it in the bud the first time around.
3. He's often late.
Being late from time to time is acceptable, but the constant lack of punctuality might be a red flag for the future of the relationship.
He should be excited about spending time with you. “We’re not just talking a few minutes here,” Romo says. “If they leave you waiting for a while, that’s a major sign of disrespect.”
4. He doesn't listen to you.
We all look for a partner who is ready to listen to us when we need to express our feelings, so being an active and attentive listener is an especially important quality of our significant other. If you frequently feel like your partner is not willing to pay attention and listen to your problems, it’s a warning that they don’t respect you the way they should.
“Listening to your partner when they are speaking is one of the essential shows of respect within a relationship,” Lavelle explains. “If you notice that your significant other is showing little interest when you’re talking, it may be a sign of lack of respect.”
5. He has a wandering eye.
Not one of us is immune to temptation. Being in a long-term, exclusive relationship doesn’t close our minds to the alternative. Committing to one person means we no longer seek an intimate partner, but it can’t render all others unattractive.
However, if your partner is showing constant interest in someone else — even if they try to mask it as a joke — that’s rude and means they might not be that serious about you.
“When your significant other starts talking about others or you notice them staring at someone right in front of you, it is a sign that they’re showing little respect for you and your feelings,” Lavelle says.
6. He doesn't respect your boundaries.
Successful relationships are based on respecting one another’s boundaries, which make each other feel safe. If your loved one regularly neglects or tramples all over your boundaries, it means he doesn’t respect you adequately.
For example, if you have to regularly remind your significant other that you hate a specific behavior they have, and they continue to display it, that’s a red flag. It means they don’t have enough respect for your boundaries.
“Behaviors that reflect a lack of boundaries, such as invading personal space, are inherently disrespectful,” says Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a psychotherapist and relationship expert.
7. He doesn't make you a priority.
If your partner appreciates you, they should try to make you a priority no matter how busy they are. However, if they don't make plans with you, that’s a major sign they might not be taking things seriously.
Says Lavelle, “If you are finding that your special someone is spending more time with their friends, this may be a sign that you are no longer a priority.”
How can you solve these problems if there's a lack of mutual respect in your relationship?
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether you can put up with someone’s inappropriate behavior or not. After all, if you respect yourself, you are not going to tolerate your partner’s bad attitude towards you with the silent treatment. You know this can’t make your relationship last longer or become happier.
However, letting your partner know their behavior is not okay is certainly a good step to take. Closing your eyes to the problems you have with your partner might be fatal to the relationship.
The best thing to do is to have an open, honest discussion with your loved one about how you feel and then make a decision.
Maria Hakki is a writer for I Heart Intelligence. She writes primarily about toxic relationships, self-esteem, and lifestyle topics.