8 Emotional Missteps Women Make That Cause Good Men To Fall Out Of Love
The behaviors that undermine your connection with a legit guy.
Andrii Zastrozhnov | Canva If the relationship with your guy started with a meet-cute, moved on to a casual (but intense) physical connection, had a short pause in the land of 'I love you,' and is now feeling distant and uncoupled, maybe your 'relationship' was never what you thought.
Feelings of infatuation are strong and can make us think, "Wow. This is real love!" But without some underpinning of compatibility, people tend to lose interest and drift apart. Sometimes, even a man wakes up to find that loving feeling is gone (gone, gone, gone). He's no longer in love, and here are the most common reasons why.
Here are the emotional missteps women make that make men fall out of love:
1. He sees you more like a business partners than a romantic partner
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If you're in a relationship and you're sharing any of the responsibilities of life (i.e. money, children, a home), it's easy for your couple's interaction to be reduced to a series of business conversations. You are business partners, there's no changing that, but the key is being mindful of when you talk business and when you just relax and enjoy each other.
It's hard to be passionately in love with a person who is always talking about big, serious, important things. Make time for fun and playful conversation to create balance in the relationship.
2. He sees you more as a caregiver than a romantic partner
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Most of the items on this list give you strategies for changing your behavior to help keep your partner engaged. Not this one. Some men were taught that certain kinds of women are moms and certain kinds of women are not.
They have a very difficult time reconciling the two. If you have a guy who feels less attracted to you because of your role as a mom, he's got some work to do. It's probably best handled by a professional counselor. Of course, a woman must balance her roles of wife and mom, but if you are and he's still feeling less loving, it's his issue to fix.
Research suggests that when a man perceives his partner more as a caregiver than a lover, it can lead to relationship difficulties and a decline in romantic feelings. This shift can occur due to various factors, including a mismatch in expectations, a change in emotional dynamics, or the internalization of societal roles. While some men may find transitioning from a playful to a more nurturing role challenging, others may develop unconscious behaviors that contribute to this imbalance.
3. He was blinded by infatuation
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Feelings of infatuation are strong and can make us think, "Wow. This is real love!" But without some underpinning of compatibility, people just tend to lose interest and drift apart.
This is because it often involves an idealized, unrealistic view of the partner and the relationship, which can be unsustainable when the reality of the relationship, with its flaws and imperfections, sets in. This can also be due to the intense emotions and reduced critical thinking associated with infatuation, making it difficult to recognize or accept negative aspects of the partner.
4. He associates you with something negative
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It happens over time. It happens subconsciously. If every time you see your guy you’re holding bad news, he starts to associate you with bad news. Does that sound fair? It’s not fair, but it’s a real problem that can cause him to have less enthusiasm for the relationship.
It’s unrealistic to avoid sharing important and unpleasant news, but it’s vital that you proactively take measures to not become the face of bad news. Talk about the best times to share this kind of information and create special times, like dinner, when bad grades, late mortgages, and hostile bosses are verboten.
Research suggests that men and women may differ in how they disclose information, particularly negative news. Men might be less likely to share negative information with others, potentially leading to a perception that they're holding back. Falling out of love is complex, and delivering bad news does not solely determine it. Other factors, such as communication issues, lack of intimacy, or priority changes, can also play a significant role.
5. He stops feeling appreciated
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Many therapists and psychologists have written about how women desire to be cherished and men desire to be admired. For some reason, the notion that a woman might admire her man is off-putting to some women.
But it is so important to his attraction. A man who senses that he cannot earn your admiration or appreciation slowly starts to lose interest in the relationship.
6. He's overwhelmed by the maintenance you require
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I often see comments from women like, “Yes, I’m high maintenance, and I’m worth it.” My instant thought when I see that is, “No, you’re not worth it. No one is.”
If you’re a real high-maintenance woman, most normal men will wonder if they want to pull a life sentence working to make you happy. And those who think that your demanding ways won’t matter typically feel differently after some months or years. Working so hard to get the approval of a partner can make him lose that loving feeling.
Findings on this topic are primarily based on couples' therapy observations and interviews. It suggests that too much closeness or dependency can lead to a decline in desire, but this isn't universally found in all studies.
7. He notices a sudden incompatibility
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Over time, compatibility matters in a relationship. Some periods of weeks or months can paper over poor compatibility. You just do things you both love, don’t talk about certain topics, or focus on fun and hide certain sides of your personality.
It can make two people seem perfect together. But eventually, life and reality must come calling. The fact that he is a spender and you’re a saver starts to matter.
The fact that he is religious and you don’t start to matter. All the significant differences start to present themselves, and often one or both partners will just emotionally throw up their hands and say, “I’m not into this relationship anymore.”
8. He doesn't think you're in his corner
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Men place a very high value on loyalty. He needs to know that you’re in his corner — his foxhole.
When the bullets are flying overhead and life is tough, he needs a woman who has his back. If he’s pulling away and lost that loving feeling, it could be because he feels that during important times you weren’t the loyal partner he needs.
Studies highlight the importance of reciprocity, respect, and a sense of partnership in romantic relationships. A man's perception of his partner's support, whether it's encouragement, emotional empathy, or tangible help, is crucial for maintaining a sense of connection and affection. Feeling unsupported or unappreciated can erode a man's feelings of love and commitment.
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