The Biggest – And Most Preventable – Mistake Women Make In Dating
What women get wrong when it comes to dating.
Dean Drobot, Liudmila Chernetska | Canva As a relationship coach who works primarily with some very successful women, there’s one big mistake I see women make over and over again in their relationships with men. I know for a fact that this problem sabotages — and kills — millions of potential relationships before they ever get off the ground — and I also know it’s 100% preventable. Here’s the problem.
Simply put, men and women have two of their highest and deepest needs in absolute, total, and direct conflict. As a result, it creates a real disconnect from the very beginning stages of their relationship — the exact time when their relationship lacks the stability or trust to compensate for the challenges. That’s not even the worst part. The long-term effect of this one mistake often causes women to stack disappointment and heartbreak until eventually, they begin to demonize men, or even worse, question their value and worth. I teach my clients how to avoid it — and the results speak for themselves.
What do women need? Feminine energy’s number one need is to feel “safe” before anything else can even happen. She may feel intense attraction fueled by chemistry — but she can’t have a connection unless she can set fear aside and open in vulnerability (which is another whole new topic). Feminine also navigates the world via emotion which is why she typically has such a finely-tuned intuition but it also makes her more susceptible to fear. Simply put, if she connects with a man and he can leave, she is anything but safe and far too vulnerable for comfort. That means her need for certainty requires her to define the relationship, talk about it, figure out where they are, set limitations, ensure exclusivity ... and this is where the problem lies.
What do men need? One of masculine energy’s deepest values is freedom. There’s something in the psyche of nearly every man that the whole notion of freedom just stirs his soul and calls out the hero within. Make no mistake — men will die for it — so don’t think he’ll easily give it away. If a man feels like you’re trying to take his freedom or limit his choices, he will rebel, disappear, put up walls, or “need some space.” Perhaps that sounds familiar?
Can you see the disconnect? Here’s the finer distinction: neither feminine nor masculine, is wrong here. Both are perfectly right. It’s a beautiful representation of two of the finer qualities and traits in both energies or genders. So if that is so, how do we navigate this? It’s all about timing.
You never want to try to limit a man's options too soon; it just makes you seem needy. Give him the freedom to feel like he can come and go and never chase him. Just show him that you’re a high-value woman with a lot of options and he’ll pursue you. A man will never feel like he’s giving up his freedom if he’s getting something he wants even more in return: an empowered and radiant partner who sees and calls out his very best.
Dave Elliott is a relationship coach, human behavior specialist, and author of The Catch Your Match Formula. He has appeared in multiple media outlets and publications, including eHarmony, PopSugar, Latina, Psych Central, and Fox News, among many others.