There Are Only 2 Reasons Why Guys Don't Text You Back
He's the worst ... JK (but not really).
Getty So you've met a guy.
He's got a smile that's blinding and a body that can perform minor miracles. He likes all the same stuff that you like, except for those one or two things that don't matter so much and keep the conversation interesting anyway. You've stayed up talking all night long.
Basically, it's a match made in heaven — except for one super annoying thing ...
You've texted him like you usually do, and now he's not texting you back. Why would guys do that?
There's nothing more frustrating than meeting someone great, thinking you made a connection, and then discovering that the gentleman in question has no intention of ever getting in contact with you again.
Actually, scratch that. There is one thing that's more frustrating: when the man who isn't returning your text has officially become known as your boyfriend.
Hell, half the reason women get boyfriends is so we won't have to ever again call a friend moaning, "Why won't he text me back?"
When you're single, playing games (while the worst) is actually pretty typical. It's all part of the courtship, a kind of dance we do to make our lives into the romantic comedy/drama of our choice. It's fun and it's thrilling, but it's also exhausting.
But once you and your man have achieved boyfriend-and-girlfriend status, all that drama should just naturally fall away.
Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way.
Could it be that his phone really is dead? Could he really still have a flip phone? Could his great uncle really be in the hospital?
Sure, totally.
But most of the time when a text message is sent and then met with silence, it's because the person who read that message is choosing not to answer right away.
Your boyfriend shouldn't have to text you back the second he gets each text, obviously. After all, he could be doing something like driving or performing brain surgery. But, part of the agreement two people make they enter into a relationship together is that they will support each other and that they will be there for each other.
If we want to keep the bar nice and low: agreeing to be someone's boyfriend means you want to be around them sometimes and hear what they have to say in addition to just making out.
So why don't guys text back?
In order to get to the bottom of this mystery that is so often on the minds of so much of woman-kind, I asked a group of anonymous men to weigh in on the question: "Why do guys stop texting back?"
By and large, everything they had to say on the subject came down to one of two reasons.
If you're wondering why your boyfriend's not texting back, check out these possible answers to see if any make sense:
1. He's legitimately busy.
Chances are the guy you're dating has a job, friends, family, and other important factors that make up his life outside of being with you. If he doesn't answer you right away, consider the fact that he may be doing something else at the moment.
Not everyone has their phone in their hand at all hours of the day or the time to respond as promptly as you might like.
If this bothers you or makes your mind go into overdrive with worst-case scenarios, consider having a conversation with him about it. Maybe you can come up with a solution that works for both of you, like having him let you know when he won't have his phone on him or will be out doing other things so you're not sitting there waiting for his texts.
Here's what the men have to say:
- "If someone goes MIA for reasons out of their control, they get back in touch and go 'I am so sorry. What happened is ...' They willingly explain themselves, their reasons sound logical, and they offer apologies. If they don't do that, they're just being totally immature."
- "He probably just wants to hang with his friends and party for a while."
- "Maybe he was 'shrooming and took way too much. Either that or he didn't want to be reached at the moment. Either way, he should just tell you what's going on."
2. He doesn't want to.
This one can be further broken down into one of three reasons.
1. He doesn't want a relationship with you.
If your boyfriend has gone radio silent and you know he hasn't been involved in an auto accident, it's quite possible he is attempting to break up with you by simply disappearing, i.e., he's ghosting you.
It's immature, it's cowardly, and you deserve so much more. But in any case, it's what's happening.
Here's what some of the men who responded to my question had to say about it:
- "This relationship is over. That's what he's saying. He's just too cowardly to say it out loud and he just wants you to do it."
- "I shirk text messages from women when I want out."
- "The main reason probably would be that he didn't like you as much as he thought he would. I know it sucks, but at least he's not wasting more of your time."
- "Could be he just isn't that into you."
- "Guys with many options usually won't do a second date if they don't get sex on the first date."
- "It simply wasn't as good for him as it was for you. If he was into you, he would have texted you back."
- "It can be many reasons. The reasons I stop calling or texting a girl vary. Could be that he just wasn't into you so much, other than for sex. He achieved his goal and now he's making his disappearing act."
2. He's too emotionally immature to have a conversation with you about something that's on his mind.
Then are those moments when he doesn't know how to talk to you, and he can't, or he doesn't want to, bother learning a better way to approach things.
At least, not as far as you're concerned.
Here's how my guy respondents responded:
- "If I'm attracted to someone else, I may put someone else on hold for a little while."
- "When I don't text someone back it's because I straight up don't want to talk to them at the moment."
- "The only time I will ignore a text from a woman is when there's something big to talk about and I know I'm not ready yet."
- "Some people (mistakenly) think that waiting for ages before answering makes them seem cooler."
3. He finds you too needy.
Everyone needs space in a relationship, both physically and over the phone. Truly healthy relationships are made up of people who maintain a sense of independence while they're together.
He may have found your constant texts unattractive.
Here's what the men have to say:
- "If she texts me once, and then, before I have responded, texts several more times or messages me via some other means like Facebook, I definitely pause and start to consider ghosting her."
- "It could be anything, but being needy or annoying would be top of my list."
If a man is into you and happy with you, you will know.
Just remember that if a man is interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with you, he's going to do the heavy lifting that comes with that.
And frankly, possessing the basic ability to communicate one's needs and personal struggles should be a bare minimum requirement when it comes to engaging in even entry-level intimacy with someone.
Not. Your. Loss.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman.