4 Brilliant Secrets Of Women Who Never Sacrifice Authenticity To Appeal To A Man
A few helpful skills mastered by those women who simply won't settle.
Alyssa Baches | Pexels Somewhere around their mid-20s, single women start feeling ashamed about their relationship status — especially if it feels like they're miles away from a serious commitment. If this shame hasn't bubbled up by 25, it pops up around age 30 with a vengeance. When this happens, it's all too easy to sacrifice authenticity (and some of your dignity) to appeal to a man.
The good news, as Pew Research statistics showed, is that more women are likely not to marry until later in life (if at all) than ever before, so you're far from alone if you haven't found "the one". But that doesn't mean society doesn't still shame you for it.
So, how can you let go of shame and live a fulfilled, happy life you love regardless of your relationship status so you never find yourself settling for less than you're worth? Look to the women who are happy being single.
Four secrets of single women who don't sacrifice authenticity to appeal to a man
1 They let go of 'should' and embrace what is
Ever noticed those happily single women are living life for themselves, their own goals and dreams, and don't give energy to the people and forces that pressure them into being something they're not? It's not a coincidence that they also don't fall to the pressure to settle down with someone who isn't worthy of their time or love.
You have to stop living your life based on what you or others believe "should" happen or who you should be. Instead, begin to unapologetically live into your current reality.
Comparing yourself to others or trying to live up to other people's expectations only breeds self-judgment and guilt. There is no ideal version of your life. Instead, accept that everything in your life is exactly on track.
It's OK to love your life now and move toward your future at the same time. Acceptance will give you peace.
2. If they don't like how it is, they do something about it
Another quality mastered by those women who are fiercely authentic is their ability to change what they need to change in order to be happy. You can do that, too, with a little practice.
Maybe you're feeling shame because being single isn't what you want. It's OK to want a relationship. But, instead of beating yourself up about it, do something about it.
Figure out a vision for your life, ask yourself who the person you want to end up with is, and seek him with determination.
Set goals in your dating life and take action. Finding happiness in life and love only happens through action, and for things to change.
Life coach Ellen Nyland explained, "What happy people have in common is they know how to play, laugh, and change. They choose to be open-minded enough that they are not held down by a certain view on life and are flexible enough to deal with the challenges that life throws at us. We are used to giving to others, but now is the time to give to ourselves — the gift of happiness. Learning how to find happiness and being happy is a choice, so don't wait any longer and become a happy person."
3. They have amazing relationships with the people they value
The key to a fulfilling and happy life is often tied to a relationship, and most people believe that a relationship is only found in marriage or serious commitment. In reality, more and more people are finding deep joy in their friendships and relationships with family, like siblings or cousins.
The Oxford Handbook of Happiness showed that having strong and profound relationships in all areas of your life is what ultimately leads to fulfillment and happiness. So, nurture your relationship with your bestie, take your mother out to lunch, spend more time with the co-worker you adore — do whatever it takes to be happier so you can have amazing relationships, platonic or otherwise.
4. They surround themselves with people who get it
Xavier Lorenzo via Shutterstock
The struggle of being single is very real, so you may as well surround yourself with people who understand. There's comfort in talking to someone who can say, "Me too." That doesn't mean exclusively single people, but people who know that you don't need a partner to be happy and healthy and fully present in your life.
"Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you and investing time and energy in nurturing positive relationships that bring joy and fulfillment to your life are classic examples of positive relationships," advised therapist Reta Faye Walker. "As we invest in the wider community [we] recognize our mutual kinship as humans, make eye contact, pay it forward, and give to get."
How I let go of the shame of being single
Since the ripe age of 22, I've been asked about marriage at every family function. Family members and strangers would greet me with "You're next!" every time I attended a wedding — even when I was entirely single with no boyfriend in sight.
For the most part, I was very happy and content with my life as a successful career-oriented woman.
But, whenever I spent time around family, I struggled with this tug-of-war between the career expectations I had for myself and the shame I felt for not reaching the wedded expectations that my family had for me.
Letting go of shame takes practice. Happy people notice when they talk down to themselves so, instead, they are much kinder to themselves. And so should you.
There's no shame in being single and there is no ideal. There is only how we choose to perceive our experiences.
You can be a happy person by reaping the benefits of being single.
Ravid Yosef is a dating and relationship coach. She is an established advice column writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, and Award-winning marketer.