Woman's Date Refuses To Get Her Water At A Party Because It's A 'Subservient' Gesture
Some suspect he's a chauvinist, and they're probably right.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Some things are just nice to do for other people. Many would say that one of those things is getting others something to drink. One man, however, felt like that would be crossing a line.
People often joke that chivalry is dead, but maybe just common decency is. Case in point: A woman asked her date if he would get her a glass of water, and he refused because it would be a "subservient" gesture. You know what's not a subservient gesture? Breaking up with him immediately.
A man refused to get his date water because he felt it would be ‘subservient’ for him to do so.
One woman shared on Reddit how she discovered the guy she had been seeing just wasn’t the one for her after an interesting incident involving a glass of water at a party. “I had been seeing someone I met through mutual friends,” she explained. “We’d had good times one-on-one, and when he invited me to events with his friends, I’d contribute to the group dynamic by never showing up empty-handed and offering to grab drinks for others.”
“Fast forward to a holiday-themed party with his friends,” she continued. “My date and I planned to meet there and hang out afterward. I spent the day cleaning my condo and preparing mulled wine to bring.”
Mikhail Nilov | Canva Pro
While the mulled wine may seem like an insignificant detail, it turned out to be huge for this woman.“During the party, people were getting drinks for one another, including me when I served the wine,” she said. “At one point, I was sitting on the couch, blocked in by only my date on one [side] and many others on my other side. I was tired and didn’t feel like tightly squeezing past people I didn’t know, so I asked my date if he could grab me a glass of water.”
What seemed like a perfectly reasonable request turned into a sticking point for the couple.
“He shook his head and after I said ‘huh’ he said, ‘No. I was just up, and you could’ve asked me before I sat down again,’” she recalled. The woman admitted to being “taken aback” by this. She thought this was a simple act of kindness that she would have no trouble performing if the roles were reversed.
At that point, she was done and decided to head home. Her date walked her out.
RDNE Stock project | Pexels
“As we walked out, I jokingly mentioned how him not getting me water surprised me,” she said. “He replied, ‘Wow, that really upset you, huh? I have to be guarded about these things, you know.’”
The couple went back and forth a few times over the next few weeks without ever really addressing the issue. “A month later, we finally had a conversation,” she said. “He explained that getting me water felt ‘subservient’ and was something I had to earn through time and ‘being in the trenches with him.’ He also said I didn’t understand how busy his life was (for context, I work multiple jobs).”
It sounds like this man is a chauvinist.
In a comment, one Redditor shared what was likely on the minds of many. “His use of the word subservient and his need to have his ego stroked for ‘being so busy’ make me wonder if he’s the worst kind of chauvinist,” they said. “Just let him go. Not worth it.”
According to Merriam-Webster, chauvinism is “an attitude of superiority toward members of the opposite sex.”
By claiming that it would be subservient for him to get his date a glass of water, this man was certainly displaying chauvinism. It’s clear that he thinks he is better than women and shouldn’t have to take on such menial tasks.
Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels
Others agreed that the woman did the right thing by breaking things off.
Plenty of other Redditors agreed with this commenter’s sentiments. “Consider yourself lucky,” one person said. “You dodged a bullet.”
“This seems to be a bigger issue than just water,” someone else added. Another person pointed out that the man apparently thought it was fine for the woman to take on the “subservient” role by serving drinks herself.
This man clearly needs to work through his priorities if he wants future relationships to be successful.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.