6 Gen-X Dating Traditions Slowly Disappearing With Younger Generations

When Gen-X was at its peak of dating, things were different. That's the way life goes. The only constant is change. Usually, society seeks to change for the better, as dating traditions from the Boomer and Gen-X era have adapted to become more open, inclusive, and accepting of others' uniqueness. But some Gen-X dating traditions we miss and look fondly upon, too, despite Gen-Z's reluctance to embrace them.

Here are the Gen-X dating traditions slowly disappearing with younger generations:

1. The thrill of the chase

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Life and relationship coach Siddharth S. Kumaar knows about the added thrill was waiting for a call, wondering about the next meeting, or gently changing a person's character over time. 

However, younger generations routinely meet possible mates online ahead of time these days, therefore lessening the sense of surprise.

2. Meeting someone randomly in a bar

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Therapist Gloria Brame observes that Gen-X daters tended to focus on finding a spouse or life partner in real-life locations like a bar, club, or through mutual friends.

Gen-Z, however, has a more casual and flexible dating style. They never knew a time without the Internet. That makes them very comfortable having long online relationships before meeting. Texting is a comfort zone for them.

Gen-Z is overall far less marriage-minded than Gen-X. Casual relationships and hook-ups are a fairly standard part of their dating lives.

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3. Believing in a rom-com type of love

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Senior editor and Gen-Xer Aria Gmitter says that Gen-X grew up believing in instant chemistry and romantic love, which was often exhibited in the popular romantic comedies of the day. 

The honeymoon period became the definition of love instead of love being the development of a deeper, yet less exciting love that lasts. 

Television, music, literature, and Hollywood idols taught us romantic love makes the world go round — but younger generations now know that myth is untrue, and see compatibility in values, politics, money habits, and common sense as more crucial to long-term love.

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4. Seeing vulnerability as a weakness

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Gen-X grew up being told that being vulnerable made them weak when the opposite is true. Showing vulnerability is a sign of strength, and it’s the only way to make a relationship last. 

Gen-Xers weren’t given the tools they needed to navigate having complex emotions, which means they went through life being fairly disconnected from their feelings. As a result, their relationships weren’t rooted in vulnerability, which is essential to keeping connections strong, suggests entertainment writer Alexandra Blogier.

Blogier elaborates, that Gen-Xers were taught not to talk about how they feel, so the amount of emotional distance in their relationships grew wider. Avoiding emotional conversations just because they’re hard to have is a relationship lesson Gen-X followed that Gen-Z should avoid at all costs.

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5. Feeling like one person has to give themselves up

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Giving up yourself in dating has gone away, psychologist Diana Kirschner explains, adding that other variations on this theme played out for Gen-Xers:

• I can't be my real self in a relationship.
• I need too much.
• I have to do all the work to make the relationship happen.
• I am losing my identity in this relationship.
• I can't speak my truth.
• I can't get what I need.
• I can't win with this man.
• I don't have any power in this relationship.
• I have to be the way he wants me to be.
• He has to be the way I want him to be.
• I have to avoid conflict.
• I have to teach him what love is.
• I have to forget my needs and concentrate on fulfilling them.

This belief tends to create fears of being smothered or smothering your partner.  Ultimately this belief and the behaviors that it fuels can lead to a relationship where you don't express your true feelings and real wants. 

That type of relationship is not only inauthentic, it is also boring and unfulfilling. Fortunately, sacrificing yourself to the relationship has grown far less common with younger generations.

6. Calling someone to set up a date

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I'm a geriatric millennial, and texting was still in its early stages when Gen-Xers and I dated, explains deputy editor Andrea Zimmerman. We texted with people we liked, of course, but we knew someone was serious about us if they picked up the phone and called us to make a date.

There's a certain level of effort that goes into working up the nerve to dial someone's number (remember ring tones?) and having to speak to them one-on-one using your voice that's lost with texting.

The casual flippant text takes such little effort, and let's not even mention the dangers of the copy-and-paste button. I'm Team Phone forever, and it makes me sad that it's a bit of a lost art on generations who, ironically, are on their phones all the time, concludes Zimmerman.

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Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.