Woman Refuses To Help Her Best Friend Plan Her Wedding Because She Didn't Make Her A Bridesmaid
The stress of weddings doesn’t end with the bride.
BearFotos | Shutterstock Having a best friend since childhood often means imagining a lifetime of shared milestones, like being bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. However, sometimes friendships face unexpected bumps, and these surprises can occur during significant life events you thought you’d experience together — weddings included.
This was the case for one woman who recently shared on Reddit that she was shocked to find she didn't make the cut when it came to bridesmaids in her besties' big day. As a result, she chose not to help her plan her wedding.
The woman told her newly engaged friend that she felt uncomfortable being involved in her wedding planning when she wasn't in the wedding party.
The woman shared in her post that she had known her best friend since middle school. They had always talked about being in each other's weddings, so when she got engaged last year, she naturally assumed she would be a bridesmaid. However, she was wrong.
When her best friend asked for her help with wedding planning, she assumed it was because she was already part of the bridal party. But when she saw the bridal shower guest list, she was shocked to find she wasn’t included. Instead, the list featured her sister, her fiancé’s sister, and a few newer friends.
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The woman finally got the courage to tell her friend how she felt, and it did not go over well.
Though she didn’t initially want to make a big deal of it, things changed when the bride repeatedly asked her for help with tasks that typically fall to bridesmaids, such as dress shopping, DIY decorations, venue hunting, etc. Eventually, she gathered the courage to tell her friend, “I love you, but I feel uncomfortable doing all of this when I’m not even a bridesmaid.”
That conversation, although open and honest, didn't exactly open up communication the way it should have. She wrote, "She got angry and said that she thought I’d still want to be involved because we’re best friends. I told her I’d still be at the wedding, but I wasn’t gonna do all of this extra work when she didn’t even consider me close enough to be at her bridal party."
While sharing her feelings didn't exactly go as she had hoped, she actually showed great maturity in expressing her feelings to her friend. Relationships, including friendships, aren't always easy to navigate, and difficult conversations are part of the process. Writing for Choosing Therapy, licensed psychotherapist Joyce Marter, LCPC, explained, "Having difficult conversations is a part of life, and sometimes they don’t go as planned. When you find yourself in a conversational stalemate or if the conversation becomes more emotionally charged than expected, remember to take a pause, acknowledge the situation, validate the other person’s feelings, focus on the problem and not the person, offer solutions, and know when to end the conversation."
Once the bride-to-be got angry, the conversation hit a stalemate, and that's okay. While there might not be a resolution to their conflict anytime soon, the woman spoke her mind and shared her concerns and feelings. The ball is in her friend's court now.
It's not uncommon for friendships to end in the midst of wedding planning.
As a result of the conversation, the bride and some of their mutual friends began giving the woman the cold shoulder, accusing her of making the wedding about herself. She, understandably, felt that she was simply setting boundaries.
Many commenters supported her decision to stand up for herself and expressed sympathy for her situation. This was especially true since her best friend from middle school had chosen newer friends to be in the bridal party, leaving her out. The simple fact is, she’s not alone in her experience. There are countless stories of bridesmaid drama, with some friendships even ending over wedding disputes.
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This highlights a broader issue — making and maintaining friendships as adults has become increasingly difficult. According to a Statista survey conducted in May 2021, only 59% of U.S. adults said they had a person they considered their best friend, down from 75% in 1990. This decline correlates with a rise in adults reporting they have no close friends at all. Given that weddings are already stressful, any type of friend drama only makes the situation worse.
Perhaps this bridesmaid drama will be the end of a long-standing friendship. One thing is for certain: If the woman never told her friend how being excluded made her feel, the friendship would have deteriorated anyway. At least now, with everything out in the open, there's a chance for reconciliation. It may just take a while.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.