Bride's Best Friend Is 'Demoted' From Bridesmaid To Regular Guest Because Of Her Anxiety
The bride is worried her best friend will have a panic attack like she did on her own wedding day.
Ironika | Shutterstock After a woman’s best friend asked her to be part of her bridal party, she was confused after her friend requested that she remain with all of the guests during the ceremony instead of standing at the altar with the bridesmaids.
When she asked why, her friend revealed that she was hesitant to have the woman stand up in front of a crowd after she suffered an embarrassing incident on her own wedding day.
The woman was demoted from bridesmaid to regular guest ahead of her best friend’s wedding after suffering a panic attack on her own wedding day.
Sharing her story on Reddit, the 28-year-old woman revealed that she was asked by her best friend to be one of her bridesmaids on her big day.
“She was my maid of honor two years ago, and before that, we'd always say we'd be each other's maid of honor,” the woman wrote, adding that the two have been best friends for 20 years.
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“When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, it stung a bit, to be honest, but seeing as she has a twin sister that she is close to, it made sense that she should be her maid of honor.”
However, the woman later discovered that there may have been a deeper reason why she was not selected to be the maid of honor.
While going over the wedding plans, the woman’s friend informed her that she would not have to stand up in front of all the guests with the rest of the bridesmaids during the ceremony.
“After a bit of back and forth, she admitted she didn't want me standing there with everyone because of my fear of being the center of attention and my social anxiety,” the woman wrote.
Her friend could not help but remind the woman of the panic attack she suffered on her own wedding day when she had to stand in front of an audience.
“Honestly, it was bad during my wedding because I was shaking and couldn't breathe, and everyone's terrified reaction made it even worse for me,” the woman admitted. “I had to leave and come back to just me, my husband, and my mother to continue our vows and such while everyone else moved on to the reception. I couldn't even go join them until I was drunk enough not to feel embarrassed.”
Since her wedding day, the woman said that she had been in therapy to get ahold of her anxiety and panic attacks and has been making significant progress.
Now, she cannot help but feel deeply hurt that her friend does not trust her to stand up in front of the guests with the rest of the bridesmaids.
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“I told her I was so much calmer and less anxious now, and I wouldn't even be the center of attention like I was when I was the bride,” the woman wrote. “She said she acknowledged my improvement but just doesn't want to take chances.”
“She said she didn't want to embarrass me again and that she would just feel worried about me the whole time and was also worried that I would ruin the mood of the wedding if I did happen to have a panic attack.”
The woman eventually decided to skip her friend’s wedding due to her heartache.
After she bailed on the big day, the woman’s bestie was furious that she did not show up for her.
“I didn't mean to hurt her, but I just couldn't go because I was overwhelmed with hurt,” she confessed. “I feel bad for ruining her mood on her wedding day but I still feel what she asked of me was hurtful.”
While the woman's friends and family were divided on who was in the wrong, she asked Redditors for their opinions and if there was any way she could have reacted differently.
Most people believed that the woman was wrong and proved her friend’s point by allowing her emotions to get in the way of her wedding day.
They argued that her friend was simply looking out for her and did not intend to hurt her feelings.
“She had every reason to think you might disturb the wedding. She was also looking out for you. You are making this all about you and ruined the day for her. She had to make a tough decision, but she made it,” one Redditor commented.
“I don’t fault you for your anxiety, but your friend's wedding is NOT the place to put this to the test,” another user wrote.
“Your friend’s desire to have a smooth, worry-free wedding day is completely valid. She still included you in the wedding, but with a caveat that not only quells the risk of you having a panic attack - and, frankly, ruining her ceremony by doing so - but also alleviates a ton of stress on her end,” another user noted.
“It’s great that you’ve been going to therapy and that you’re making progress, but it’s totally fair that she didn’t want to run the risk of a panic-induced interruption.”
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The woman’s social anxiety and fear of being in front of crowds is not something she should have to apologize for, but missing her best friend's special day is.
We all have our own fears and worries that we have difficulty overcoming. In fact, according to the National Institute of Health, about 2.7% of U.S. adults had a panic attack in the past year, and an estimated 4.7% will experience a panic disorder at some point in their life. Her experience is not uncommon, and it's certainly not something she should feel embarrassed or ashamed about.
However, she should apologize to her best friend for not bothering to support her on her wedding day because of her wounded pride.
The bride was not attempting to make the woman feel ashamed of her anxiety. Instead, she offered her an alternative solution that would allow her to be in the bridal party without having to face one of her biggest fears.
She is completely within her right to want her wedding day to go smoothly without any of her bridesmaids suffering a panic attack while she is attempting to exchange her vows.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.