Woman Explains Why She Hates Being A Guest At Other People's Homes — 'Women Are Always Expected To Be In Service'
Men get to unwind while women must assist.
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock Did you notice who slaved away in the kitchen this holiday season? Who set and cleared the table? Who washed the dishes afterward? In many households, the answer to all was the women — and not just the women who hosted the gathering.
One woman explained that she hates being a guest at other people's homes because women are always expected to be of service.
“The thing I always hate about going to any family’s house is that women don’t get to be guests,” Gabrielle A. Perry wrote in an X post that has been viewed over 3 million times.
While women are expected to help in the kitchen and clean up afterward, men can make a beeline for the couch as soon as they arrive and immediately after mealtime. They can catch up on the football game and chat over a drink, all while leaving their mess for the female guests to clean up.
Yet, their behavior isn't considered impolite. That label is reserved for women who don't offer to help out.
“We have to immediately offer to help cook, serve, clean, etc. If not, it’s not ‘polite.’ You’re looked down upon for resting as a guest,” Perry wrote, adding that when she hosts, she never expects any guest to assist, regardless of gender.
Many women online related to Perry's complaint.
The expectation that women must help with the cooking and cleaning while men get off scot-free seems to exist in many families.
“I remember my previous mother-in-law. I’d come over for Christmas and immediately she had me folding the laundry, doing the dishes, etc.," one X user commented. "I snapped about it to my boyfriend at the time in private, who got to lounge on the couch all day, telling him it was not fair and the next day he decided to help dry a couple of the dishes ONCE and was heralded as a king by them forever after."
"I was 15 when at Christmas they said, 'Come help us in the kitchen.' I said, 'My brother is sitting right there why did you choose me?'" a TikTok user recalled. "They were outraged and threatening not to give me food."
"Went to an aunt’s place for a family gathering and was lectured for not helping in the kitchen when her sons and husband were guests in the gathering they hosted," a third commenter wrote.
Gender should not determine whether or not your guests are expected to help.
The polite thing to do as a guest in someone else’s home — regardless of your gender — is to ask in advance if they want you to bring anything and ask on the day of if you can help. However, a guest's gender should not determine if their offer is accepted.
Nevertheless, the idea that only women should help with all of the household duties persists, especially among older generations.
Even in the modern day, men help out at family gatherings far less than their female counterparts. A 2021 YouGov poll found that only 13% of men say they do all of the Thanksgiving dinner clean-up, compared to 21% of women. As for cooking, 31% of men said they would do all or most on Thanksgiving, compared to 48% of women.
Cooking and cleaning are not tied to gender. They're essential tasks that everyone benefits from. It's an incredibly outdated and inconsiderate belief that only women should complete these tasks when men are equally capable, even if unwilling.
So in 2025, let’s shake things up a bit. Let go of the expectation that only women should help out at family gatherings. In fact, ladies, how about we head straight to the couch to catch up on our favorite programs once the meal is over and see how the men handle clean-up duty?
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.