Why The Tradwife Movement Was Bound To Backfire Horrifically
You can't sell a fairytale forever.
studioroman | Canva Editor's Note: This is a part of YourTango's Opinion section where individual authors can provide varying perspectives for wide-ranging political, social, and personal commentary on issues.
For the past year and a half or so, I've been covering the social media phenomenon known as tradwifery. The #tradwife hashtag is filled with female content creators who preach housekeeping, submission to their husbands, having tons of kids, God, and, well, a little white supremacy, too.
Extensive psychological research suggests that the surge in tradwife content and adherence poses significant threats to feminism and gender equality, given its concerning roots in the alt-right. While historical and recent research has explored the impact of gender conformity on self-esteem and affect, the contemporary findings underscore the crucial need to distinguish between autonomous and pressured motivations for gender-consistent behavior.
To catch newbies up on the hip talk of today, "tradwife" is a portmanteau of "traditional wife." It's the moniker that is given to stay-at-home wives who tend to have political undercurrents to their content. Tradwife influencers often pepper their content with white nationalist dog whistles ("raw milk"), Evangelical Christian agendas, anti-choice messaging, and more.
If you thought that tradwife life was all about being wholesome in the right-wing sense, think again. In other words, the tradwife sphere had a lot of reasons why people wanted to pay attention to it. It also was a movement that was absolutely, positively doomed to turn into a hot dumpster fire. Confused? Here's why tradwife content was never going to stick.
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The Tradwife movement is a hot topic but it's bound to backfire
It wasn't too long ago that I had to warn young girls to avoid watching trad influencers. Tradwives make submission, marrying young, and being dependent on a man look glamorous. Their messaging is clear. You can either deal with the increasingly rough financial problems that come with having a career and college debt, or you can marry a good man who will take care of you.
Tradwives make it look like women who stay at home do little more than play with their kids, read books to them, and cook fresh apple pies. Most of these tradwife influencers look good, live in large homes, and are famous. In the eyes of young girls who are struggling with growing up in America's economy, tradwife influencers look like they have it all. And it's easy to see why they are so influential among the most impressionable of women.
Tradwife content is big money
It's easy to see why. Tradwife content is squeaky clean and, therefore, won't get demonetized by most platforms unless they do something racist or hateful. They are the most vocal recruiters of women right-wing nationalists have.
Further research examines the blogs and social media posts of self-identified tradwives and their promotion of traditional gender roles and family life. While some tradwives use feminist rhetoric to portray their movement as an empowering choice, a deeper investigation reveals potential connections to radical white supremacy. The problematic nature of the tradwife identity extends beyond gender roles, occasionally aligning with overtly white supremacist content signaling allegiance to hate groups.
It's important to remember that tradwife content is also fetish content in just a different sector: 50’s housewife-adjacent content, to be precise. There’s a duality when it comes to fandoms. While they may get money from perverts, they also get money from impressionable women who just want to try to find their own “Prince Charming” and believe the creators can help.
I don't think people realize how much tradwife content was a concentrated effort to get women to agree to have their rights rolled back. It was like a "slugs for salt" campaign. The thing is, you can't get slugs to rally for salt for too long. Eventually, the slugs find out what salt does to them.
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One of the most popular Tradwife influencers is Ballerina Farm
When Ballerina Farm AKA Hannah Neeleman had that disastrous interview, it became clear she was being abused. She was far from the only one. More and more ex-tradwives are coming out to talk about the "tradwife to homeless single mom" pipeline. As it turns out, doing nothing but unpaid labor isn't good for your long-term financial security.
After all, in the trad world, men are the kings of the castle. They control the paycheck. If they get angry, they can withhold the paycheck. If you get old and saggy, they can also replace you with a younger model. If you get replaced or dropped, guess what — you can't support yourself and all the kids you crapped out. You opted out of college and a career. You can't get a job that pays enough to cover everything.
The very same men who talk about wanting a trad wife also turn their noses up at single moms. So, the chances of you finding another trad husband drop dramatically if you're dumped. But, trad influencers don't tell you that about that. Much of the tradwife allure comes from harkening back to days when women stayed at home while men worked. It sounds so nice. When was that anyway? Oh. Never.
Even during the 1950s and the Middle Ages, women held jobs alongside men. Most women had more autonomy than the world of "trad" suggests, even if the power they had was almost entirely soft power. Tradwife influencers also aren't homebodies. They are content creators by trade — career women! So, this content is a bunch of lies built on lies. People are starting to call this aspect of trad content out more and more.
Tradwifes promote unrealistic expectations
Tradwife influencers have entire teams of makeup artists, camera people, and more who help them look perfect on camera. Those who don't often let much of their lives fall to the wayside for their careers. If you've ever done the housewife thing, you know that it's a lot of cooking, cleaning, caretaking, and planning. You're not going to be prancing around a kitchen in a pretty dress with perfectly clean kids at your feet.
Most stay-at-home moms don't have the time to dress in heels and cute skirts. They're usually at Target, in sweats and a top knot bun, getting stuff done. Makeup isn't glamorous. It's minimal, if even present. Why? Because they don't have time to do that stuff. If you've hung out with stay-at-home moms, you already know how unrealistic trad life is. But let's say you don't have much stay-at-home vibes. This content is still insanely unrealistic.
Let's just say you give birth. Contrary to popular belief, your body doesn't always bounce back after having a kid. You most likely won't be able to compete in beauty pageants like Ballerina Farm's main star does. You might need plastic surgery to look like yourself again.
Oh, wait. Tradwifes are expected to keep popping kids out. So, you can't keep your figure if you get plastic. Most surgeons won't operate on you until you're done having kids. Yep. That's not realistic for many women.
The Tradwife illusion is falling apart as we watch
The funny thing about human rights is that we tend to take them for granted until we need them. And with human rights, we need them all the time. No matter how much people can try to lull us into relinquishing what we fought for, the truth is that the cracks begin to show sooner rather than later. As it turns out, a life without rights is ugly — no matter how much makeup you put on it.
The internet makes it possible for people to talk, and that includes people who experienced the horrific side of domestic servitude. Even tradwives can’t hide the abuse they endure.
You can no longer hide the number of women who gave everything to a man, only to end up on the streets with five kids. You can’t hide the sheer amount of makeup and unrealistic work it takes to look like a typical Mormon tradwife. So, yeah. This illusion is falling apart. Will fetishists continue to watch this content? Yes. But, the overall trend of trad wife life is starting to burn out — and I couldn’t be more relieved about it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.