What's Stopping Gen-X From Being Happy? 5 Questions To Reflect On In Your 40s
These questions can help clarify what you find important and whether you're living in accordance with your values.
Kaboompics.com | Pexels Here are five meaningful questions that Gen-X can reflect on in their 40s to help clarify what they find important and whether they're living by their core values.
What's stopping Gen-X from being happy? 5 questions to reflect on:
1. Do you need to work on your marriage?
So many people get to this age and recognize that their relationship is unfulfilling. Midlife is a time when values change, and women’s decrease in estrogen (the caretaking hormone) makes them less willing to put up with frustrating interpersonal dynamics. Men of this age often feel that time is running out to have the intimate life that they want.
Marital therapy at this stage can be very useful, as both partners are older and less impulsive, and more attuned to the fleeting nature of time. It can be very motivating to work on your marriage if you are aware that time marches on with or without you, and the time is now to change your relationship if you’re going to.
2. Do you need to figure out your career?
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Whether you want to stay in your current career or switch to something else, midlife is a great time to deeply reckon with the impact you want to have on the world and your eventual legacy.
Some small goals like “get my resume in shape” or “look into creating a better website for my business” would be great if you can’t see the full big picture or are too anxious to consider big changes yet. Also, think about whether you are overworking and want to scale back following your deeper values.
3. Do you truly accept your body?
This one is particularly resonant with women. With every passing year of life, some women find it easier to ignore conventional societal strictures about what a woman “should” look like. This is easier in today’s culture of body acceptance than in generations prior.
However, many other women still struggle with acceptance and kindness toward their bodies. If this is you, perhaps you can resolve to finally get into therapy to address your dislike of your body and any associated dysfunctional exercise/eating behaviors. And of course, men struggle with this as well and are thankfully increasingly going to therapy to address body acceptance concerns.
4. Do you need to address parenting struggles?
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Many people struggle with parenting tween or teen children, which can trigger your insecurities and make you doubt yourself as a parent. One excellent way to address parenting issues is to attempt to resolve your =family-of-origin issues, which are undoubtedly linked to whatever you currently struggle with as a parent. Therapy and reading can be very useful in this regard.
5. Do you care what people think of you?
Now is a good time to think about why you may struggle with people-pleasing and/or codependency. If you have been living a lot of your life to please, impress, or placate others, midlife is a wonderful time to examine why you do this and try to figure out what life choices and activities you would find fulfilling and rewarding.
This can be very difficult if it’s a new idea for you, so start small with one activity at a time that you want to do that others may find irritating (for example, maybe watch the TV show you want even if your kids or spouse find it boring), and build from there.
Many other potential resolutions appeal to individuals in midlife, but many can fit into these larger buckets. Sit down and write out a couple that resonate with you after reading this post and keep your little list somewhere where you can see it daily. You deserve to have a great year, in which you feel that you are working toward a more fulfilled and coherent sense of self that is aligned with your deeper value.
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.