The Fallout Of Traumatized Gen-Xers Like Me — 'Our Parents Needed Help More Than They Needed Children'
Are Gen-Xers like me stuck in fight or flight?
Getty Images | Unsplash There are constant jokes and memes about Gen-X being one of the toughest generations — the concept of Gen-X’ers raising themselves from early childhood, having a lack of strict rules to follow by growing u,p and learning to internalize our pain.
As a member of Gen-X, I was one of the members of the generation that was forced to grow up too fast. I was taking care of my younger siblings and cousins when I was 8 years old. It was not unusual for me to be left alone with them while the adults went to the store or to work.
It was not uncommon for me to be the middle-man trying to help broker peace in a family conflict when I was 10 years old nor was it uncommon for me to call the police to report domestic incidents of violence when those attempts at keeping the peace failed miserably.
This is not an uncommon story among members of Gen-X either. Gen-X was a generation free to run the streets, riding our bikes from morning until dark.
But for many Gen-Xers like me, childhood was a mix of joy and trauma.
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Many of us did not have parents calling to check on us every hour or giving us a curfew other than 'be home by dark.' But on the other side of that was the family duties we were burdened with at a young age, such as caring for siblings and younger family members.
We often had to bring our younger siblings or cousins with us to hang out with our friends, or we didn’t go out because someone needed to watch them and that ‘someone’ was us. We were tasked with acting like adults while we were children for various reasons, but mostly because our parents needed help more than they needed children to take care of.
It is no wonder that many of the movies and TV shows that came out during the heart of the Gen-X years seem to portray young main characters as much older. Or they put young characters in situations where they are faced with circumstances or struggles that are adult in nature, and not something a child should face.
Gen-X was traumatized from the start as we were bombarded with bomb drills during school because of the Cold War.
The fear of a nuke being dropped on us as we huddled under our desks and tucked our heads between our legs for protection was only the beginning of the trauma we faced. It was the start of Gen-X being put into the fight or flight mode from childhood.
The entertainment considered for kids we watched to escape reality did not help us get out of the fight or flight mindset. Movies like Watership Down, The Neverending Story, Return to Oz, The Last Unicorn, My Girl, and so many others bombarded Gen-X with the constant bottom line — life is full of pain, struggle, and sorrow.
While some of the movies did end with somewhat of a happily ever after wrap-up, it still did not erase the trauma from the very adult situations that happened in the movies.
Each movie was aimed at the youth of Gen-X and when I rewatched some of them as an adult, I was amazed by how adult the content truly was. However, it further explained the feeling of being stuck in fight or flight mode most of my life.
I won’t even go into Watership Down because that movie is too much trauma and I have refused to watch it as an adult. The Easter viewings of it as a child were more than enough.
The Neverending Story I remember I loved as a child, but watching it as an adult it hit very differently. While it does end on a ‘happy’ note, it's only after it rips your heart out by destroying everything first.
The whole movie revolves around despair and giving up and Gen-X witnessed one character after another just … give up and give in to the despair of the ‘nothing.’ It is so horrible that even the ‘happy ending’ does not undo the damage and trauma the rest of the movie caused.
Return to Oz is another that I remembered fondly until I rewatched it and then I was just in shock. Seeing Dorothy in a mental hospital about to undergo electro-shock therapy is bad enough, but then you throw in a villain that has a room of bodiless heads that she wears and it just screams traumatized.
The Last Unicorn was my favorite movie for the longest time, and even when I did watch it as an adult, I still very much loved it, but I was very adamant that it was not a children’s movie that I should have been watching during my youth.
The violence and dark themes throughout the whole movie are very adult. While it appears to end on a… somewhat happy note… it still ends with the unicorn heroine losing her innocence and parts of herself that she will never get back.
And who can forget My Girl. This movie was so fun, we loved it and it was a comedy and just a good movie then he died. They killed Thomas J! What was that about? There was no warning about this and I still cannot watch this movie again even as an adult because of the trauma from it!
A whole generation was traumatized by this movie because we were taught that kids can die from just getting stung by bees one day. It seemed like a lot of the Gen-X-aimed TV shows and movies focused on loss and death, even ones that seemed so innocent in the beginning.
I’m beginning to sense a trend in the whole fight-or-flight mindset that many Gen-X members feel stuck in.
It seems like the constant factor Gen-X was taught growing up is that life is about constant struggle, doing what you ‘have’ to do instead of what you ‘want’ to do, and always being prepared for the worst thing to happen at any given moment.
Maybe this is why Gen-X has been seen as a more silent and waiting-in-the-background generation.
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Because we are too afraid to act without having a full picture of things. We were taught if we react too soon, everything hits the fan; but if we react too late, everything still goes down the drain!
Therefore, Gen-X seems stuck in this fight or flight mindset of fear to go for what they want, while also not being able to let it go either. We're stuck between taking a chance or keeping to ‘how it’s always been’ because it’s safer that way. We were forced to take on more responsibility than we should have during our youth, and while we did have a childhood, it was filled with adult concepts and situations that made us act older than we were.
Gen-Xers like me were traumatized with fear, loss, and failure all around us because we were exposed to so much.
We were taught to rebel but only in a way that didn’t disrupt the system too much. Dead Poets Society, for example, is one of the great movies loved by Gen-X, but what was the point in the end?
The lesson is that regardless of how hard you try, and how much you do, the system will still win in the end. It’s no wonder that I never tried to sit down and watch any of my favorite movies from my youth with my daughter as she grew up, or now as she’s an adult. As much as I loved certain movies, the trauma, and scars they left were evident in my mind because I never once had the desire to introduce her to any of them.
Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of Gen-X venting over feeling completely and utterly exhausted. Tired of working, tired of struggling, tired of getting nowhere despite all the years of hard work … we are just tired.
This is what happens when a generation has been stuck in fight or flight mode for most of their lives. We grew up with responsibilities that weren’t ours to tackle.
We grew up watching movies of kids our age acting like adults and being adults. We grew up being taught about loss, failure, and struggle being inevitable no matter what, and the concept that happily ever after may come in some form … but not really at the same time.
We grew up being bombarded with fear always around us. We never knew anything but fight or flight … and now, the reality of that is hitting hard.
But how does the Gen-X generation break out of a mindset that we were forced to live in to survive? That's something only time will tell.
Luna Verity is a writer who enjoys writing about personal and social subjects, as well as fictional works. She writes in her free time on Medium and Vocal Media. She's contributed to Collider and Buzzfeed.