2 Ways To Use The Golden Rule Of Likability To Make Other People Adore You
Pay attention to other people first.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock We all want to be liked. It's simply part of human nature. Some people have the natural ability to just draw people to them, but that's not the norm for everyone.
By kindergarten, we know the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Another version of this social truism is to make others feel the way you want to feel, which can be defined as the golden rule of likability. Cole Jenette, a pastor and life coach, thinks that through the golden rule of likability, even people who struggle in social situations can become the most charismatic people in the room.
Here are 2 ways to use the golden rule of likability to make other people adore you:
Cole Jenette uses his social media presence to help people navigate the maze of social skills, noting that “Human interaction is hard.”
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“Some people tell you, ‘Just be yourself,’ and other people will be like, ‘No, you can’t be you; you gotta do all these things to get people to like you.’ The wisdom is in the nuance,” he explained.
“The golden rule of likability is if you make another person feel great about themselves, they will like you,” Jennette explained sharing twospecific ways to use the rule to make others adore you.
1. Be curious about the things they care about
Jennette shared the wisdom he’s collected over the years in regard to creating true, lasting connections with people.
“It’s so strange that you could leave a conversation with somebody; they leave thinking you’re awesome but know nothing about you,” he said. “And that’s because the golden rule of likability has nothing to do with you.”
“It has nothing to do with what you’re good at, what cool stories that you could share, what cool tidbits that you could add, what facts you know, how good you are at your job, how much money you make; it has nothing to do with any of those things,” he explained.
Rather, getting people to like you depends on how you make them feel.
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Jennette quoted Maya Angelou, who said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Instead of talking only about yourself in a conversation, ask questions about the other person: What do they do when they’re not at work? Where did they grow up? What’s the last great book they read or movie they saw?
These simple yet intimate questions establish a sense of connection, and they show that you’re curious about the person you’re talking to.
By making the conversation more about them than you, you make the other person feel like you want to get to know them better, which, hopefully, you do.
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People love to share what they’re passionate about, whether that’s the silly tricks they teach their pets or the new recipe they found.
Extending yourself and asking about another person’s interests highlights that you’re kind, thoughtful, and compassionate. It shows that you want to listen and get to know them better.
Giving people the opportunity to express themselves makes them feel good about themselves and about you.
2. Give them genuine compliments
People also love being recognized for their positive traits, which is why another way to get people to adore you using the golden rule is to give them compliments that you actually mean.
Jennette noted that there’s a difference between a genuine compliment and flattery, saying, “A genuine compliment uses information you actually have, and flattery uses stuff you don’t.”
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Offering compliments works best when you focus on the things people pride themselves on, as opposed to more surface-level things like the outfit they’re wearing or how their hair looks.
Tell people that you appreciate aspects of their personalities, like how they always make you laugh or how they think through tough problems without getting flustered.
“When you make other people feel great about themselves, they will love you,” Jennette reiterated.
Giving real compliments is another technique that takes the focus off you and places it on the other person, which makes them feel seen and appreciated.
“Stop trying to prove something and go make other people feel great about themselves,” Jennette concluded.
When we make others feel good, it makes us feel good, too, which is another reason to harness the power of the golden rule of likability.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.