5 Ways Your Feet Warn You That You’re In A Relationship With A Narcissist, According To An Expert
Our trauma can travel all the way down to our feet.
Photo: Lucrezia Carnelos | Design: YourTango You’ve likely heard of the saying, “You should always trust your gut,” but you’ve likely never heard of the phrase, “You should always trust your feet.” However, according to one expert, you probably should.
Danish Bashir, a psychologist who focuses on helping survivors of narcissistic abuse move on, shared the bizarre ways our own feet may warn us we are in a relationship with a narcissist.
Here are five ways your feet warn you that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, according to an expert:
1. You experience pins and needles or numbness
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According to Bashir, you may feel this sensation in your feet when you are with a narcissist, specifically when you are trying to rest. This is your body telling you that you aren’t safe. Even in moments of stillness, there is no relaxation, only guardedness.
When you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you may constantly feel on edge, leading to persistent anxiety. According to VeryWell Health, anxiety can manifest itself as physical symptoms such as tingling and numbness in the feet.
2. You have random foot pain with no medical reason
Even if you are in perfect health and have no underlying conditions, you may experience unexplainable pain in your feet. You may feel pain, burning, and other peculiar sensations that weren’t there before your relationship.
According to Bashir, this often happens when the body has been absorbing emotional tension for too long. When your mind is unable to process what is happening, your body takes over and holds all of the tension in areas related to mobility and movement.
3. You have constant tension in your feet
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Since you are constantly on edge around a narcissist, that tension can persist in other areas of your body you may not expect, with the feet being one of them. Even when you are not doing anything, your feet may be involuntarily curled, clenched, or tense, always ready to react.
Since narcissists often make us feel so unsafe, your body is constantly bracing for the next emotional hit because unpredictability has become part of your normal. According to Healthline, narcissistic abuse syndrome, while not a recognized medical condition, is widely discussed by experts in the field as a reference to the myriad symptoms that occur in an individual who has sustained continuous manipulation from a narcissist. Included within those symptoms are documented cases of victims experiencing unexplained muscle pain and tension.
4. You experience a heavy, dragging sensation while walking
According to research, people suffering from anxiety tend to walk at a slower pace than the average person, dragging their feet along as they brace themselves for the next life event that may trigger a panic attack.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is one of these experiences. Not only will you feel more fatigued overall, but the exhaustion will also become apparent in your feet. It will feel like an effort to physically lift one foot in front of the other. When you’re in a relationship that constantly drains you, even the most simple tasks like walking become difficult.
5. You want to walk away, but you can’t
Even though “walking away” is just a figure of speech someone uses when they plan on removing themselves from a situation that is no longer good for them, some people who are in a relationship with a narcissist find it difficult to even physically walk away from the situation, no matter how much they want to.
You can feel all of the emotional damage the relationship has done to you, but you cannot seem to get yourself to move. That stuck feeling plants itself directly in your feet. Your mind will be fighting to rationalize your inaction, your heart will be confused by the attachment, and your body will be caught in the middle.
Your feet reflect the inner battle between truth and trauma. Much of this internal struggle that makes it all the way down to the feet is due to how narcissists can manipulate their victims into believing that they need them.
“Because in a narcissistic relationship we have taken on so many of the other person’s struggles and so much of their identity as our own, we may feel like we’d be giving up part of ourselves if we were to leave them,” clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., wrote in an article for Psychology Today. “If they have become the center of our world, we may then feel lost without them. Thus, even though the relationship has dark aspects, we imagine we’ll be left completely in the dark if we walk away.”
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.