5 Traits Of Strong People Who Create Their Own Happiness, According To Psychology
How to cultivate these traits to stay strong and stop caring so much about things that don't matter.
Josue Ladoo Pelegrin | Unsplash Happiness isn’t something that happens — it’s something you build through daily habits, mindset shifts, and choices. You don’t have to wait for the perfect circumstances to be happy. Start small. Set boundaries, embrace failure, stop chasing perfection, and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.
Isn’t it the ultimate dream to be unaffected by other people’s thoughts, opinions, and judgments? How would your life be different if you were genuinely unaffected by others’ views? Imagine what this would do for your stress, confidence, and creativity if you cultivated the traits of strong people who create happiness for themselves.
Here are the traits of strong people who create their own happiness:
1. They’re not wrapped up in themselves
People who care deeply about the thoughts and opinions of other people have one very good reason behind why they do this: they suspect something is ‘wrong’ with them. If they didn’t think anything was wrong with them, why would they buy into the judgments of total strangers?
Why would someone who knows nothing about you determine your emotional experience in any way? Think about that.
You’re scared because you can’t bear the idea that someone would confirm the thing you dislike about yourself. But people who don’t care know this: there is nothing wrong with them.
‘Wrong’ is never going to be anything more than a subjective human judgment — and those are always lies. We’re all whole, enough, full. There’s no second-guessing. You never need to take anything personally if you’re not wrapped up in yourself.
2. They don’t think about self-esteem
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At some point in their lives, unnecessarily fearful people took the concept of self-esteem too seriously. Now they allow an illusion to dictate their confidence.
Why is that? Because if we believe the idea that other people have the power to diminish our illusory ‘self-esteem,’ we become uptight. We have something to lose, and other people threaten who we are.
There is no self-esteem drain. We only think we’re not confident. In truth, we are flesh and bones with thoughts about who we think we are. We’re not bones. We’re the energy that animates it all — and this connects us all. When we see that there’s nothing tangible to protect — that we’re energy — we do not need to be bothered about what Nancy said about us on Twitter.
2023 research suggests that too much emphasis on self-esteem can be detrimental. The researchers have highlighted the benefits of focusing on self-compassion instead. This approach allows for a more realistic self-assessment and greater motivation to improve, even when facing setbacks. Not taking self-esteem too seriously can lead to healthier coping mechanisms and personal growth.
3. They want to make others happy
Especially given that there’s no longer any need to obsess about ourselves, chill people are focused, by default, on bringing joy to other people. If you get the idea that we’re all connected, then it makes sense that we’d become enlivened by making others happy.
When we direct our attention away from our own made-up and painful insecurities, we suck all the power out of what was previously fueling our suffering. There’s no longer any need to self-obsess.
You’re fine. You don’t need fixing. You will be energized by energizing others — especially those around you who matter the most to you.
Trying to make others happy can significantly contribute to one's happiness, often by fulfilling the need for relatedness and connection. A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology explained that performing acts of kindness or helping others fosters a positive sense of self and strengthens social bonds, increasing the well-being of the person performing them.
4. They think from the inside out
There are always two ways to look at life. You can either see what’s happening around you through the ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me’ lens, or you can see it through the ‘I’m creating it all, and I can choose how I want to feel’ lens.
People seemingly immune from other people’s criticisms are operating via the second lens. They understand that their experience is internally generated. They are not at the mercy of other people and situations.
Seeing things this way brings unparalleled levels of security to their experience. They know that their life is a direct reflection of the thoughts in their mind. So they don’t wait for people to be kind to them to enjoy themselves. They found a way to enjoy themselves regardless.
Research by UC Berkeley explained that this generally refers to the concept that our internal states, particularly emotions and personal experiences, significantly influence how we perceive and interpret the external world, shaping our perspective and actions based on our inner world. This is often explored within research areas like cognitive, social, and developmental psychology.
A prominent example is the film Inside Out, which visually depicts this process through personified emotions impacting a character's decisions.
5. They are focused on making cool stuff
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With all this free time and mental space created by caring less about yourself and what others think of you, guess what happens? You can’t help but feel good. You can’t help but sense this beautiful drive running through you that was there all along.
A drive that makes you want to spread joy create things and reap the rewards of living. Life becomes a game of creation.
You are innately driven to connect with people, to see others thrive, and to work on cool projects that speak to your soul. If you want this experience, you can have it right now. Why are you still reading this right now? You’re here.
You are already successful, so let that be the energy you approach life with so you can create more success. Focus on creating with such a sense of abundance, force, and relentless energy, and you won’t have time to care about what others think of you.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.