5 Things In Life You Should Always Just Keep To Yourself, According To Experts

Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said by me?

Those three questions can change the way you communicate, socialize, and create relationships with anyone. When we take the time to ask ourselves a few quick questions before we speak, it can help us cut down on criticism, judgment, and other harmful ways of speaking to and about others. Add to that, there is just some information other people never need to know.

Here are things in life you should always just keep to yourself, according to experts:

1. Your opinion on someone else's body

Upset woman gestures at man who didn't keep his body comment to himself AYO Production via Shutterstock

Being physically intimate with another person is inherently vulnerable, advises psychologist Aline P. Zoldbrod. When you are physically intimate with another person, and there is something about the other person’s body you don’t like because maybe it shocks, surprises, or disappoints you, please keep those thoughts and words to yourself. In most cases, whatever you say will lodge in their memory and reverberate in their soul for a long time.

2. Secrets other people have shared with you in confidence

Group of friends keep personal information to themselves DavideAngelini via Shutterstock

When someone confides in you, they're entrusting you with their vulnerability. So therapist Gloria Brame says to never betray this trust by sharing their personal information with others — including family members. Whether it's health concerns, private struggles, pregnancy status, or their honest feelings about others, these revelations were meant for you alone.

The person who opened up to you did so believing in your discretion. Had they suspected you might share their secret, they would have kept it to themselves. Breaking this confidence can subject them to unwanted judgment, criticism, or social pressure, potentially damaging their reputation and irrevocably fracturing their trust in you.

Even seemingly minor disclosures represent significant betrayals in the eyes of someone who trusted you with their truth. By revealing what was shared in confidence, you demonstrate a fundamental disregard for their privacy — and you may permanently lose your place as their confidant.

3. Your judgments about someone else's relationship

Three people chat happily and keep judgment to themselves PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock

Clinical psychologist Sharon Saline recommends it's best to keep your judgments about someone to yourself. When you think about what they should or should not be doing, you altering the power dynamic in your relationships and putting yourself above the other person.

Instead of judgments, I recommend curiosity. When you ask questions that begin with "What, how, when, or where" you are opening up the conversation for somebody to share their thoughts and feelings behind certain words or actions. This fosters closeness and connection instead of the distance created by shoulds.

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4. Your temporary setbacks

Coworkers discuss their success not failures on break fizkes via Shutterstock

Since there is no such thing as a failure that can't be learned from, suggests life coach Susan Allan, it is far more powerful to speak about the success you are moving towards rather than any fear, anxiety, or disappointment that is a temporary state.

5. How many people you've been with

Laughing friends chat and keep their body count to themselves DavideAngelini via Shutterstock

Never tell your body count to a human being who isn't your therapist or medical doctor, senior editor Aria Gmitter strongly advises. We have been lied to about believing the intermingling of the sacred and profane is OK for public discussion, but the reason it's called 'intimacy' is because it's only meant to be known by the people who are involved.

The moment you disclose your body count to someone, even if it's the count is zero, you are subjecting yourself to the highest level of scrutiny. People judge others naturally without meaning to, and the most judged thing is who you open your body to.

What you did or didn't do tells a lot about who you are, and without the other person needing to ask, they get a key to your past that can be used as a weapon for further judgment of you by others. It's one of the juiciest things used to create gossip online, and it's also the hardest to overcome.

So never under any circumstances tell anyone anything about your intimate life, but most importantly, about your body count. Even in marriage, don't open up your body count to your partner. If you get a divorce, that information can be used as the sharpest knife to cut your reputation and soul. Some things are just meant to be discussed with a therapist.

Protecting ourselves and protecting others is not too difficult when remember to exercise discretion about the personal information we share, when we share, and how we share it.

Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.