7 Things All Men Feel But Are Way Too Embarrassed To Admit, According To Research
Men don't want to cop to it, but they're really scared of these emotions.
Mohammad Kashkooli | Pexels Societally speaking, men are not believed to be the most emotional beings. Man is a statue, solid in form and relatively expressionless. Because of this societal presumption, men tend to be embarrassed easily when we stray from prospective "roles," and the fact of the matter is, we shouldn't.
In reading this piece, you will see that I use the words "supposed to" quite a bit. These are the words I'm using to address — and speak out against — society's guidelines concerning gender norms, because they're stupid. These global norms are incredibly dated and in no way represent culture today.
While these guidelines do affect females as well, I am a man, and therefore wouldn't be the correct person to address that side of things. So I won't. Below, I'm going to give you a little bit of male insight by addressing eight things that men are embarrassed to admit to you, but shouldn't be.
Here are things all men feel — but are way too embarrassed to admit:
1. That he's insecure
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All men are insecure, no matter how tall they stand. Like women, men are human beings, and we too are bombarded with Photoshopped images of picture-perfect bodies and idyllic faces that we can in no way live up to.
I wrongly measure my aesthetic worth by comparing myself to others whenever I'm out in a bathing suit, and instead of taking note that my body may be considered better than some, I instead compare myself to those in superior shape, and I feel terrible about it.
I hate my body, and I know I'm not alone. Guys just don't talk about it because we aren't "supposed" to. We're instead supposed to be strong and confident in ourselves and project this fabled belief as a sign of manliness.
2. That he's in love
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A guy admitting he's in love is viewed as a sign of weakness. Not by you, but by guys in general. It shows that he's let his guard down and he cares about something — it's good news! But men tend to see this as a sign that he's "going soft."
In turn, we'd rather wait for you to say those three special words first so we don't seem "weak" or give the impression that we love you more than you love us (because women are the emotional and nurturing ones, according to norms). Yes, it's childish but that's the way this archetypal cookie crumbles.
A 2022 study explained that men may struggle to admit they are in love due to societal expectations, fear of appearing vulnerable or weak, and potential past experiences that have led to shame or rejection. Some men feel pressure to uphold traditional masculine ideals, which can include suppressing emotions and appearing strong and stoic, making it challenging to express vulnerability or admit to romantic feelings.
3. That he doesn't want to be intimate
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As detailed by nearly every male character portrayed in movies and television (but this has just recently begun to change, thankfully), not every man wants to be intimate every time it's available to him. I myself probably turn down intimacy more than my own partner, who's absolutely gorgeous.
Why? For the same reasons she does! I'm tired, I'm not feeling attractive, I'm lazy, I'd rather do something else, you name it!
This could even be the result of low testosterone, an even bigger issue. So instead of separating ourselves by traditional gender roles, we should instead address people as just that, people. We really aren't all that different, you know.
4. That he likes 'girly' drinks
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I'm sorry, but any guy who tells you he doesn't like the odd drink of Vodka Cranberry is an out-and-out liar. Those things are delicious and a nice palate change from beer or some other male-marketed beverage.
As with most things in this article, we don't purchase these things because we aren't "supposed" to. We're men, and men drink beer or whiskey.
That's all. Don't believe me? Try this: make your man a girly drink at home and watch him turn it down. He won't! And why won't he? Because it's delicious and there's nobody around to judge him.
Some men may experience social pressure and internalized gender norms that lead to embarrassment or discomfort when expressing preferences for drinks stereotypically associated with women, potentially stemming from a desire to conform to traditional masculine ideals.
According to a 2021 study, younger generations are increasingly challenging gender stereotypes, but it's essential to actively dismantle these learned attitudes and biases.
5. That he loves that new Taylor Swift song
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"Pop" music is short for "popular," meaning it's appealing to the masses. Men and women. Any man who says he's never liked a Taylor Swift song is lying to himself because Taylor Swift is a talented artist whose music is lyrically genius and good to dance to.
6. That he checks other guys out
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Not in that way (but maybe it is; men can be bicurious as well) — a man will check another man out on occasion. He will never admit to this, though. The most you will get from him is that he can admit a certain actor is "a good-looking guy" as he shrugs.
His reasons for said checking could be anything. It could be that he's enviously judging his looks against the Adonis across the room, or that, like women do with other women, he is merely appreciating a person's good looks from afar.
Studies on male-male competition and social hierarchies suggest that men may hesitate to openly acknowledge such behaviors due to societal expectations and potential negative repercussions. Openly acknowledging interest in other men might be perceived as a threat to male-male relationships, or could lead to social ridicule or ostracism.
7 That he kind of (really) likes your TV shows
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At first glance, "The Real Housewives of [insert city here]" looks silly. The show at its core depicts rich women throwing drinks and insults at each other while throwing fundraisers (just lots of throwing). Women happily admit to indulging in said programming, but guys are much less likely to do so because this show is primarily intended for female audiences.
An admission to watching said programming metaphorically revokes his "man card," so he won't do it and will instead complain whenever you throw it on the tube. But if we hated it as much as we claim, we'd do something else. By this I mean if we stay and watch the show, we probably like it.
Men, in general, may face societal pressures and internalized beliefs that lead them to avoid expressing preferences or interests that might be perceived as unmasculine or weak, potentially including certain TV shows. If a man outwardly claims to dislike a show but secretly enjoys watching it, he may experience cognitive dissonance, a discomfort caused by conflicting beliefs or actions.
An APA study explained that he might try to justify his actions or suppress his true feelings to reduce this discomfort.
Bobby Box is a freelance writer and editor whose work on intimacy and culture has been published in countless publications, including Playboy, Elle, NewNowNext, Billboard, Daily Beast, Them., The Advocate, Women’s Health, Mel Magazine and AskMen.