9 Subtle Traits Of Men Who Are Masculine — But Not In A Bad Way
Masculinity doesn't have to be toxic.
lance reis | Unsplash Yeah, I see you cringing at the word: masculinity. It’s a dirty word in the modern age. But why? To be a happy man is to be at ease in his masculinity. And for society to be worth living in, we need happy men.
Here are 10 subtle traits of men who are masculine, but not in a toxic way:
1. They have purpose
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Most men are lost and without purpose. Join the elite few and create a reality driven by a commitment to ‘unreasonable’ and exciting it makes your eyes water when you name it.
What’s one thing you will accomplish by the end of this year that would excite you if it were to become a reality? Some men choose to climb the highest mountain on Earth. What’s yours?
Commit, keep it private, and today — take one small step. This will empower you like little else. Goals can help men achieve their potential. Goals can help men stay motivated and focused. A study from the University of Leicester found that men are more motivated by goals than women.
2. They've made peace with their past
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To the degree you identify with your past, you are disadvantaged and neutered as a man. Each time you allow what happened back then to pollute your present behavior, you operate under insanity. The past is not real.
Burn it to the ground now and watch it waft away in a billow of ash. Be here with us, mate. A beautiful future and your crackling presence are all that matter. Moving on from the past is a challenging but essential process that can improve mental health.
3. They take calculated risks
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A 2018 study found a direct link between taking risks and increased testosterone. Being overly safe and avoidant is making you weak and sore. Take calculated risks every day.
Allow your pulse to quicken. Be in danger, but don’t be reckless. Just because we live in a ‘peaceful’ time doesn’t mean we can’t live on the edge. A reliable and secure man is a dangerous man.
4. They know how to lead (and follow)
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Misery accompanies those who see themselves at the mercy of the world around them. They have no sense of control or ownership. An antidote to this is to choose to lead.
Find another to lift right now. You will simultaneously forget your woes while gaining the energy from supporting another. Leaders are rewarded with a masculine pride that is felt instantly.
Masculine pride can be a complex concept, and there are many ways that men can experience it. Research from Virginia Commonwealth University explains that it is a concept associated with a strong sense of masculine pride and can include ideas of masculinity, chivalry, violence, and paternalism. Some men may re-interpret what it means to be a man to break free from traditional expectations.
5. They pay attention to personal hygiene
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Surface details matter. Little things like getting a haircut, a tan, dressing well, cleaning your nails, and everyday maintenance go a long way. They reinforce your sense of pride and transmit this to the world, too.
I cringe when I see men in stained sweatpants and poorly fitting jumpers. Confidence begins in the superficial.
Men often care about their appearance due to a combination of evolutionary biology, societal pressures, and personal self-esteem, where physical attractiveness can significantly attract potential partners, boost confidence, and navigate social situations, just as it does for women. A 2021 article by Psych Central emphasizes that it's important to remember that not all men prioritize looks to the same degree, and individual experiences and cultural contexts greatly influence these attitudes.
6. They have friendships with other men
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Most of us live in an anti-male, politically correct modern environment. When our freedom to communicate freely is smothered and awkward at best — men need male-only spaces more than ever. Men need to bond with, joke, and connect. Find a men’s group, a community, or at the very least, reach out to other men for friendship.
Research published in 2023 has shown that male friendships can positively affect men's health and well-being, including stress reduction, improved mental health, and increased satisfaction. Some say that men can have close friendships with other men, sometimes called "bromances," that can be more fulfilling than romantic relationships with women. Men may feel more understood by other men and assume men’s friends will be more loyal and willing to help in times of need.
7. They're friends with their 'dark' side
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It’s easy for men to fall into the trap of denying the darker aspects of their nature: Our need for healthy aggression. Our natural lusts and healthy drives have allowed for the proliferation of the species.
We see society mocking and belittling these aspects of what it means to be an integrated man. Forget ‘society,’ and use the anger it has stirred in you to build magnificence. Open yourself up to these darker parts of you, do it with grace, and feel your masculine emerge.
Research studies on the importance of "honoring masculinity" as a man often focuses on the concept of "masculine honor ideology,” which explores how men perceive and respond to threats to their masculinity, often leading to behaviors aimed at protecting their reputation and social standing. While research often focuses on the negative consequences of rigid MHI, it's essential to recognize that positive aspects of masculinity, like responsibility, leadership, and courage, can be valuable when expressed healthily, a 2019 study by Frontiers in Psychology found.
8. They have pride in themselves
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Small things take you furthest. Bring a little extra elevation to your posture wherever you go. Your physiognomy reflects your view of yourself but is also felt as a ripple that springs outwards. Don’t wait for life to go ‘right’ for you to have a skip in your step.
I don’t care how much hardship you’ve suffered. Stand up straight. Step out with pride, and the universe will mold itself to your reality.
Research published by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that good posture for men is essential for both physical health, including reduced back pain and improved muscle function, and psychological well-being, as an upright posture can be associated with feelings of confidence, power, and positive mood, potentially impacting how others perceive you. Studies have shown that a slumped posture can be linked to negative emotions and decreased self-esteem.
9. They're ferocious about what they love
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What have you been coasting on that needs more heat? Whether it’s family time, business growth, income, or dedication to crafting an elite body, what right now requires a level of ferocity that currently isn’t there? Name it now. Maybe it’s a few things. Great, get to work. Masculine energy is, and always will be, a beautifully aggressive force for good.
Be that. Own it, love your haters, don’t apologize, and watch the world get out of your way. Life coach Danielle Bernock explains that being relentless makes a person unstoppable. Relentlessness is incessant. It’s the quality of not giving up and pushing through, especially when everything tells you to stop.
Being relentless can be a personality trait, but it can also be discovered and leaned into because it’s found in the heart. The key to employing the relentlessness that makes you unstoppable is seeing what is essential to your heart and permitting yourself to pursue it.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.