Son Of A Mail-Order Bride Details What His Childhood Was Like
Unfortunately, the man is dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma now.
santypan | Shutterstock The concept of mail-order brides is something of a mystery to most of us. A product fiction of days gone by that no longer exists in our modern world. For some, though, it’s their reality. In fact, according to the MailOrderBrideGuide, in 2024, there were over 11,000 marriages between mail-order brides and their matches.
One young man knows this all too well. In an “Ask Me Anything” post on Reddit, he shared his story of being raised by a young mail-order bride and an older father.
The son of a mail-order bride admitted his childhood was far from perfect.
“My parents met on a site called cherryblossoms.com, probably around 2002,” he shared. “I was conceived after his first visit to the Philippines and they had a shotgun wedding during the pregnancy. My mom was 25 and my dad 49. My two half-sisters (18 and 19 at the time) were bridesmaids.”
TomFullum | Canva Pro
“I was born in the Philippines and raised in America,” he continued. “They divorced when I was in first grade, a month after she got her green card. In her defense, he was verbally, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive.” In spite of this, the former couple “maintained a good relationship.” “My father remained very much involved in my life up until I went no contact, and he died two or so years later at the end of 2023, right before my 20th birthday,” the man said.
“To give you a small taste of things, my mother claimed she loved him but said their marriage was ‘like a contract,’” he described.
The man coming out as transgender was the catalyst for a lot of the problems he had with both of his parents, especially his dad.
When asked why he chose to go no contact with his father, he explained that “it’s a long story.”
“I came out as transgender when I was 14 and all [expletive] broke loose,” he said. “When I was 17, we got into an argument about COVID (I forget the details). He threatened to beat the [expletive] out of me and I told him, ‘Try it, CPS already has your number.’ And that was the last thing I ever said to him.”
In another comment, he admitted his “transition was pretty traumatic,” adding, “My mom begged God to kill her when she found my coming out letter. The first time they called me by my real name was in a get-well letter after my first hospitalization at 14.”
The man doesn’t have a great relationship with his half-sisters either.
“My sisters are complicated,” he said. “Their childhood was very traumatic and I had very little contact with them growing up because they also had a very strained relationship with my father.”
Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
He added that one of his sisters was no contact with their father, while the other was low contact. “They’re a generation ahead of me with completely different life experiences and struggles,” he concluded.
Unfortunately, the man isn’t doing too well himself right now. “In all honesty, I don’t like myself or the person that I am,” he revealed. “Growing up, I was mean and rude and I never learned how to socialize properly. That’s still true to this day.”
Mail-order brides are more common than most people realize.
Many think of mail-order brides as something from a strange bygone era, but they still exist. The Center for Immigration Studies said, “At any one time, there are approximately 90 agencies offering the names, addresses, pictures, and short biographies of around 25,000 women who are looking for husbands.”
The phenomenon of mail-order brides seems to be particularly prevalent in the Philippines. The Center also reported, “An analysis of the listings in recent issues of five popular catalogs featuring 1,400 Asian women found that 70% were Filipino (despite the fact that Republic Act No. 6955 makes such listings illegal).”
This man obviously experienced a lot of trauma in his childhood that he still deals with to this day. While anyone can go through traumatic experiences, it does seem that some of his are a direct result of his parents' marriage.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.