8 Brilliant Ways To Instantly Shut Down Someone Who Won't Stop Arguing With You
Compassionately shut down their arguing ways.
Katerina Holmes | Canva Every relationship has its ups and downs, even when you’re otherwise totally happy. Part of being able to maintain a relationship with anyone is making sure you know how to handle issues that eat away at your happiness.
Sometimes you need to compassionately shut down someone who won't stop arguing with you with a slam-dunk response that leaves them unable to continue the fight.
Here are eight ways to shut down someone who won't stop arguing with you:
1. Make a list of communication dealbreakers, and stick to them
It’s crucial to be aware and to notice warning signs as soon as they happen. A lot of dealbreakers are obvious, like anger issues. But the ones you should worry about aren’t always glaring.
Some of the biggest dealbreakers most people don’t think of include stonewalling to get their way, jealousy, a need to be joined at the hip, cruel remarks disguised as jokes, and minimizing the other person.
If you notice any of these, make no mistake about it — they are going to become abusive. It’s better to let go and spare yourself trouble than it is to try to solve it.
2. When you argue, don’t use 'you,' use 'we'
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Rather than jump and tell them they need to solve it or you have a problem, frame the problem as a problem you both have. This gives the other person an “us versus the world” vibe and also keeps them from feeling attacked.
Psychotherapist Lianne Avila advised, "Voicing a complaint or offering feedback is a way of addressing specific issues to improve your relationship, whereas criticizing your partner is attacking them for who they are.
Instead of making blanket hurtful statements about your partner, pinpoint the specific behavior or issue you currently have a problem with. Additionally, using aggressive "you" statements instead of softer "I feel" statements can be easily perceived as being critical, even if that wasn't your intention."
3. Don’t wait until things simmer and turn into resentment
Address your problems immediately, no matter how small. Small problems have a remarkable way of turning into big ones if they are ignored for too long.
Quickly address any issues that come up as they arise. The reason why is that this practice stops it before it becomes a point of contention.
4. Say 'thank you'
One of the most common reasons why people end a relationship is because they feel unappreciated. When you never get thanked, it’s easy to feel that way. By thanking someone, you make a point of showing gratitude, and that will make them want to stay around you more, as shown by an article in the Journal of Personality.
5. Realize it’s often better to be happy than it is to be right
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It’s so, so easy to choose to argue over little things, just to be right. Being right can be an addictive feeling, but in most cases, it’s not worth the bickering, argument, and resentment proving yourself right can cause.
Things like fighting over things that don’t matter — or worse, gloating when you’re right — will end up making the other person resent you. So, if it doesn’t matter, don’t argue over it, and remember being right isn’t usually worth the cost of your relationship.
6. Walk away
The adage about “not going to sleep angry” is a misunderstood phrase. Initially, it meant you should never go to sleep without remembering why you like someone. What most people ended up thinking the saying meant, though, was to not go to sleep without an argument ending.
Honestly, if you need a break from an argument, it’s OK to walk away. Staying up all night will not do anything but make you wonder why you bother with that person, and possibly make you late to work.
Having a rule that says you can “hit the pause button” on a discussion is the best way to ensure you will make it through the rough times and is yet another great way how to make relationships last, as suggested by a study in Argumentation and Advocacy Journal.
7. Ask if they want advice or an absorbent shoulder
Some people, when upset, just want to vent. Others are legit asking for help. If someone is upset, ask them what they want, and ask them to do the same when you’re upset. You’ll be surprised at how much easier things will be.
8. Give them a compliment
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It sounds strange, but one of the easiest ways to end an argument is to compliment them. If you find the person being moody or stressed out, start complimenting them. Chances are, they’ll do the same to you.
Relationship coach Netia Everett suggested, "The next time [a person] does something that upsets you, try to compliment the good things they are doing. Who knows, maybe this positive reinforcement thing will work like reverse psychology on them. Maybe if we focus more on what works instead of what doesn't, our relationships with our loved ones will become that much better."
9. Speak their language
Communication is key, and sometimes, it’s not the things you say that matter the most. When in doubt, learn their quirks when it comes to communication, and you’ll be able to work with them far better.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.