Single Mom Refuses To Babysit For Married Friend While She Is On Sabbatical — 'Not My Problem She Had A Kid With A Useless Man'
She doesn't understand why her friend needs help when she has a husband.
Alena Ozerova / Shutterstock It’s not easy being a new mom, no matter what your circumstances are. When you feel like you have no support, that just makes things even harder.
One mom felt like she was in this situation, so she turned to her best friend for help, even though she was not in a position to do so.
Two friends who were pregnant at the same time found themselves at odds with each other after one said she couldn’t help the other out.
A woman posted on Reddit sharing an awkward situation with her friend and asking for advice.
“I … am a single mother of two kids … I am a single mother by choice (my kids are donor-conceived),” she said.
One of her children is six years old, while the other is just five months old.
This woman is in a bit of a privileged position, which she realizes. “I am lucky enough to have a good job (French teacher in a private school) and a paid-off house (parents’ life insurance and inheritance),” she said. “Before I had either of my kids, I made sure to have a year’s living expenses saved; then, I would take a sabbatical to recover from birth, as well as bond with my kids. While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for some extra income.”
Her friend, on the other hand, is not so fortunate. “My friend … just had a baby two months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off during COVID. It was great to be pregnant at the same time, as well as having a friend with a newborn. But it has turned sour.”
Unfortunately, the relationship between these two friends has deteriorated because of the differences in their lives.
“Well, starting about ten days ago, she started hinting at not being able to afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off,” she stated. “Then she started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying, truthfully, that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid left me no free time actually.”
After beating around the bush, this woman’s friend finally voiced what had been on her mind.
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“Then last night she came out with it and asked if I could ‘do her a favor’ and watch her kid while she’s at work,” she shared. “I was firm but polite when I said that I couldn’t, that I am not capable of watching two kids under six months.”
That was when the argument reached its tipping point. “I kept saying no, she kept pushing until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man,” she recounted.
Needless to say, this did not leave the friends on good terms.
Is this single mom justified in declining to help her friend?
Both women are in difficult situations here. One is parenting by herself, while the other feels like she technically is despite the presence of her husband.
However, the struggle for single moms cannot be overstated. Writing for The Bump, columnist Christine Coppa said, “Being a single mom is pretty much as tough as it’s cracked up to be.”
Coppa also advised, “Ask for help and accept help — especially if you’re a solo single mom, like me, with no other parent to pitch in.”
Obviously, single moms need all the help they can get. In this situation, it may not be enough to say you need help because your husband isn’t willing to pitch in.
As one commenter said, “The norm is (should be) that if one parent works, the other parent takes primary care of the kids. If both parents work, hopefully, they make enough to afford daycare. Her crappy husband is not your problem.”
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.