10 Subtle 'Tells' That Mean A Woman Isn't Ready To Settle Down & Commit
Pay attention to her actions — and her words.
Anna Nekrashevich | Pexels How do you know if a woman is ready for a committed relationship with you? This pressing question has plagued many a lovelorn person who craves a relationship with someone who doesn’t share the same romantic goal.
However, several telltale signs can alert you to this situation — if you know what to look for.
Ten clear signs a woman isn't quite ready to settle down
1. She’s recently dated married or unavailable men
In conversation, the woman you are seeing has admitted she’s dated a married guy or men who were unavailable in some way. For example, being in a long-distance relationship with someone geographically undesirable.
This is sometimes, but not always, a subconscious choice to keep a person safe from true intimacy and commitment. Distance creates a safety net or even a barrier for some people. This could be one clue she’s not ready to commit, so watch to see if more crop up. On its own, her dating history may not be an indicator she’s not the kind to settle down. However, time will tell.
2. She’s unwilling to shut down her options
When the person you’re seeing avoids your request for exclusivity, this is a strong signal she’s not ready to settle down and commit. She wants to keep her options open and your relationship with her in limbo.
Perhaps she says she’s still getting to know you or not ready. Pay attention to these words because she is being honest with her reticence to commit.
It could be she’ll come around and commit in a few more months. But more likely, she’s simply not ready or interested in a serious relationship with anyone. It’s also possible you aren’t the right match for her.
3. She’s busy and can’t find time for you
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Her life is jam-packed and exciting, which makes her super busy. That means she has a hard time scheduling anything, including a date with you. If you read between the lines, what she’s communicating non-verbally is that dating is not her priority.
This could be just a fact of life if she’s a single parent with young children, has a high-pressure job, or both. You are way down on the list, which means she’s not ready or even available for a committed relationship at this time.
4. She disappears or is silent for days
Normally, you text back and forth consistently, but in the last week or longer, she hasn’t been as responsive. Sometimes, days go by before she texts you back or returns your call. This lets you know her mind is elsewhere.
Perhaps she’s seeing someone else, or maybe her life suddenly became overwhelming. Whatever the reason, when someone’s communication style changes, it says you are no longer high on the list. This realization puts you on notice she’s probably not the one for you, not ready to commit, or both.
5. She doesn’t introduce you to friends or family
When you are important to someone, they want to share their life with you. Yet, your girlfriend has never set up drinks with her friends or invited you to meet family members.
If you are not included in her life after three or four months, she’s keeping you a secret. The work of Justin J Lehmiller, Ph.D shows how that doesn’t bode well for a healthy, committed relationship. She’s either hiding you or your relationship. That should make you wonder why that's happening. If you haven’t been included in her life, it’s time to gently ask to be introduced.
Should she resist or make excuses, get real with yourself about this woman. She might have a secret, already be in a relationship, or is biding her time with you until the right mate shows up. Something is not right with the relationship.
6. She avoids making weekend plans
You have no trouble connecting during the week, but for some reason, the weekends are difficult. Time together on Saturday or Sunday doesn’t seem possible for any number of reasons. This could make you suspicious, and if it does, good! You should be curious why she can’t find time for you on her days off.
When your love interest avoids making weekend plans, she is likely hiding someone else in her life. Don’t put up with excuses about this situation. Ask directly to see her on the weekend, and if a couple of weeks go by and she’s still not available, it’s time to move on.
7. She doesn’t want to discuss the relationship
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Most women want to talk about the relationship. Topics like where it’s going, if you’re exclusive, and when you can use the labels girlfriend and boyfriend.
So, if the woman you’re seeing doesn’t want to talk about it, wake up and smell the coffee. She has some sort of relationship issue, as demonstrated by a study in the Communication Research Journal. If she’s avoiding labels and won’t commit to exclusivity, she’ll not likely want the same loving, committed relationship you’re seeking.
8. She avoids intimacy — either physical, emotional, or both
Avoiding intimacy is a huge red flag. If more than five or six dates go by and she doesn’t want to become intimate, it’s time for a conversation. Sometimes, there is a concern that makes sense. Research in Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin explains how other times, there is an issue you will not likely be able to resolve easily.
This is also true if she avoids talking about anything serious regarding your relationship. Emotional intimacy is as vitally important for a healthy relationship as much as physical intimacy. Ask what’s making her hold off and see how the conversation goes.
She might tell you something to fill in the gap, or she won’t talk about it, which lets you know there’s something in the way that runs deeper than you.
9. She doesn’t talk about you in her long-term plans
If the woman you’re seeing is a planner but somehow doesn’t include you in the picture, that’s a glaring signal she doesn’t think of you there. Simply put, she doesn’t see you in her future, which is why it never seems to come up. No matter how many wonderful plans she makes, there’s no discussion of how you fit in.
If this happens in your dating life, bring it up and talk about it. She might not even be aware she’s doing this. Sometimes, a woman has been single for so long that she’s not used to including a man in her long-term plans. However, there are other reasons for this kind of behavior, and one of those is she has no intention of settling down any time soon.
10. She always puts her work first versus you
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Your girlfriend has a fabulous job she’s devoted to. You may love that about her, but you’re also paying the price because she isn’t making time to see. Maybe she cancels at the last minute because of some report she needs to write or a meeting she got pulled into.
It’s time to be aware you may never come first. People do not suddenly change their ways just because they fall in love. Her first commitment is to work, and you will always play second fiddle.
You can ask her to shift her priorities and spend more time with you or cancel less often and see how that lands. However, her priorities are deeply ingrained. When you ask for more, you're asking her to change. Instead, you might want to recognize you're not her top priority. If that bothers you, move on to find a woman who will meet your needs better, as suggested by an article in Personality and Social Psychology Review.
Get clear and be real
Having been an intuitive dating coach for 20+ years, I have found my clients do better when they recognize issues for what they are. Then, you can decide how you want to handle the problem.
Being honest with yourself is a big factor in creating a healthy relationship. If you try to hold on when you aren’t getting the commitment you want, it creates resentment, anger, frustration, fighting, and more. On the other hand, when you face the facts, you free yourself up to find a new loving relationship that suits you better.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.