11 Signs Of A Highly Problematic Person, According To Psychology
A person in your life might be a problem if these dubious signs sound familiar.
Антон Жук | Canva Our friends and family are some of the most important people in our lives, but that doesn’t mean every friendship is healthy. A toxic person engages in behavior that is damaging, manipulative, and emotionally draining to those around them. They often create an atmosphere of negativity and tend to put their own needs and desires above those of others.
While it’s true that other people’s opinions don’t matter, it’s also true that other people’s collective response to someone can tell us pretty much everything we need to know about who they are. If someone is a toxic person in your life, you might resonate with these warning signs of a toxic friend that are listed for people trying to identify one in their lives.
Here are eleven signs of a highly problematic person:
1. They avoid social interactions
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They don't go out with their friends and have severe social anxiety and fear of public humiliation. They have severe social anxiety and a fear of public humiliation from running into someone they've hurt.
2. They bully people
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They're a bully. They avoid and criticize people as a means of dominating them. A strong desire to always be in charge can indicate potential problems. It is often linked to personality traits where the need for control becomes excessive and can negatively impact relationships and social interactions.
A 2022 study found that the need for control sometimes stems from underlying anxieties or insecurities, where being in charge provides a sense of safety and predictability. When someone constantly needs to be in charge, they may dismiss others' opinions, micromanage, or become overly critical.
3. They feel envious of other people's happiness
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They can't be happy for their friends. When friends share parts of their lives with them, they pick out what’s wrong rather than expressing happiness for them.
4. They enable unhealthy relationships
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They don't cut off other toxic people. They are constantly trying to coach or “fix” the friend or family member with whom they have a poor relationship. They are constantly harping on why their behavior is unacceptable, but at the same time, they don’t remove themself from their relationship with them.
The concept of enabling behavior describes actions that unintentionally support or perpetuate harmful behaviors in another person. A 2018 study published in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction found these behaviors often stem from a desire to help or maintain a relationship. Still, they ultimately hinder positive change and perpetuate the unhealthy dynamic.
5. They have unhealthy emotional attachments
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They have unhealthy friendships. They have very few friends and are highly attached to the ones that they do have.
6. They have deep-seated emotional barriers
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They don't love anyone. They only express love or admiration when they need something. Negative emotions, beliefs, or past experiences can act as obstacles, hindering effective communication, forming healthy relationships, and making decisions.
A 2014 study published in the Journal of Social and Political Psychology found these obstacles often stem from fear, anxiety, mistrust, or low self-esteem, which can distort how individuals perceive and interpret information.
7. They claim they've never made mistakes
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They don't take accountability. In the past year, they have not once admitted to another person that they were wrong, and will do better.
8. Their fear of failure affects their confidence
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They have low self-esteem. They oscillate between feeling as though they have a grandiose, god-like purpose on Earth and feeling as though they are one of the most disgusting, unworthy beings to ever exist. A fear of failure has a significant negative impact on self-confidence.
Individuals who constantly worry about failing tend to internalize setbacks, leading to a belief that they are not capable enough to succeed. A study published in the International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being found that this belief can lower self-esteem considerably. It manifests in avoiding challenges or procrastinating on tasks to protect their perceived competence.
9. They're master manipulators
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They manipulate people. They do not get along with many people fundamentally, but they know they’re able to charm them into liking them one way or another.
10. Their tendency to hold grudges attracts enemies
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Many people have negative things to say about them, but there seems to be a consensus about what those negative things are, and they seem to make enemies virtually everywhere they go.
11. Their unresolved trauma affects their ability to manage relationships
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They are at least marginally aware of past trauma that’s keeping them feeling vulnerable, exhausted, and in pain almost all of the time.
Brianna Wiest is a writer, editor, author, and regular contributor to publications such as Huffington Post, Forbes, Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, and many others. She's the author of 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, and other collections of poetry and prose.