10 Signs Someone In Your Life Is Not A Good Person, According To Psychology
Remove people from your life who bring misery.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Having good influences in your life is a true blessing, because when you inevitably need a shoulder to try on, having someone dependable to lean on is always welcome.
But what happens if the people around you aren’t such great influences? What happens when they're manipulative or toxic? How does that impact us? If you want to spot a not-so-great person in your life, there are a few red flags to consider.
Here are 10 signs someone in your life isn't a good person
1. They always think negatively
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You might not see a little negativity in your life as such a big deal. After all, it’s inevitable. However, having a toxic or negative attitude isn’t a good thing.
Studies have shown that self-criticism is associated with dangerous thoughts, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and pain response. And that’s just for self-criticism. Another interesting study found that people who talked to supportive friends, compared to friends they felt ambivalent about, had lower blood pressure.
It’s clear that negative talk doesn’t even just affect us mentally, but physically as well. And having someone around you with negative thought patterns is a surefire way to bring you down, too.
2. They have no empathy
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If someone in your life has no empathy for you, your struggles, or even people they don’t know, it’s best to cut ties. Empathy is a basic emotion that most people have, whether it’s in their relationships, family, or even with co-workers. Without empathy, you can’t truly connect.
However, younger generations are less empathetic and more narcissistic, according to one study. This is bad news, as it can interfere with your ability to form healthy, meaningful relationships down the road, leading to increased loneliness and mental health issues. Don’t let someone who has no empathy stick around in your life.
3. They dismiss your feelings
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The worst feeling in the world is feeling unimportant. As research says, “When people feel that their emotions are judged as unacceptable, wrong or inappropriate, they experience the world differently. Daily emotions are less positive, and stressors are more common and more intense during negative affective states.”
This is why having a person in your life who constantly dismisses your feelings is a bad thing and exposes them as an unlikable person. Not only does it impact your daily mood, but it can cause you to feel more stressed, leading to worsening mental and physical health.
4. They break their promises
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Don’t underestimate the importance of keeping a promise, as trust means everything in relationships. In fact, according to one study, “findings support the development of trust in romantic partners as an approach to stability and avoidance of problems in romantic relationships.”
However, when you break those promises, you directly destroy trust in your relationships, and not having trust in a relationship leads to instability and insecurity. So, if you have someone in your life who is breaking promises all the time, cut them out of your life. Likely, they’re no good and don’t respect you enough.
5. They show no remorse
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When you get into a heated argument with someone, you probably apologize at some point, even if you’re correct. But when you let your pride get the better of you, it ruins your relationships with others. And if this is what not-so-good people in your life do, you can’t expect to have a lasting bond with them.
A lack of remorse shows a lack of development on their part, but it also emotionally drains you. It puts the weight of the relationship solely on your shoulders and your shoulders, meaning that if you don’t apologize, your relationship continues to stay strained. As you can imagine, this leads to a terrible mentality and a load of stress.
6. They play the victim
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If you have someone in your life who constantly plays the victim, it’s not a good sign. Playing the victim and never taking accountability for your actions is a glaring red flag. Understandably, it’s human nature to avoid feelings of guilt or shame. Truthfully, nobody wants to take accountability because it’s easier (and feels better) to play the victim.
According to research, “People are more likely to delegate choices for others than choices for themselves, especially choices with potentially negative consequences, stemming from a desire to avoid feeling responsible or being blamed for such decisions.” However, making the active choice to never take responsibility and always play the victim shows a person’s toxicity and reveals how manipulative they truly are.
Regardless of how much we don’t enjoy accountability, we choose to take it if it means saving our relationships. And if a person in your life actively chooses not to, it’s best to let them go. As psychotherapist Erin Leonard writes, “A person who plays the victim actively manipulates others by attention-seeking, inflicting guilt, and evading accountability.” And that doesn’t make for a positive environment.
7. They criticize others
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When you’re happy within yourself, you’ll never feel the need to critique others. Studies have shown that happier people “achieve better life outcomes, including financial success, supportive relationships, mental health, effective coping, and even physical health and longevity.”
And when all these positive outcomes are happening, you likely don’t feel the need to put others down. So, if you have a person in your life who frequently criticizes others, it’s best to distance yourself from them. After all, you don’t want to ruin your chances of a happy and successful life just because of one miserable individual.
8. They belittle your achievements
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Anyone who belittles your achievements is not someone you want around you. Because when you’re in a truly healthy relationship or friendship and are content with yourself, there will never be a need to demean other people.
You love that other person and want to see them succeed, but if you do feel the need to demean people, this is classical projecting. When we hate ourselves for specific characteristics, we unconsciously assign those characteristics to other people. And research supports this, with one study finding that people who believe they’re high in anger perceive other people’s behavior as angry.
9. They're manipulative
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It should be obvious that people who are manipulative are simply no good. However, spotting manipulation is easier said than done. For instance, forms of manipulation like gaslighting aren't always so easy to detect.
Professor of sociology Deborah J. Cohan writes, “People who are manipulative or emotionally abusive are often attractive and charming at first.” But if they're giving you the silent treatment after an argument, withholding care and attention, making threats about your relationship constantly, or using your own insecurities against you, this person is incredibly manipulative and doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
10. They never compromise
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In any good relationship, there's a need to compromise. But if a person in your life refuses to do so, it most likely means they’re not good for you. Behavioral cognitive therapist Bernard Golden adds, “Compromise is a major strategy for conflict resolution and is essential for any working relationship — whether in our personal lives, the workplace, in our communities or as citizens.”
When someone in your life refuses to compromise, they want all the benefits of the relationship without sacrificing anything in return. This inequality can lead to misery, so it’s important to nip it in the bud before it goes too far. After all, you deserve to be happy, and if it means removing a toxic person from your life, so be it.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.