If A Person's Doing These 5 Things, They're Struggling More Than They'd Like To Admit
Sometimes the biggest battles are the ones no one sees.
Adrian Swancar | Unsplash Not everyone who’s struggling will come out and say it. The people who are hurting the most are often the ones trying hardest to hide it. Instead of breaking down, they show their pain in quiet, indirect ways.
Whether it’s being overly negative, ruminating, or pretending everything’s fine, these behaviors can be subtle cries for help. Here are five signs someone might be struggling far more than they’re letting on.
If a person's doing these five things, they're struggling more than they'd like to admit:
1. They exhibit red flags within days of meeting
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The best way to tell if someone is struggling or has serious emotional issues, as opposed to the garden-variety, everyday issues, is to consider the timing.
At the beginning of dating, everyone is theoretically on their best behavior. For this reason, you shouldn't see any major red flags in the first month.
If you do see such signs in the first few weeks, it's fair to assume that someone has significant, long-lasting emotional issues.
2. Their family or friends notice something off
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There's nothing quite like someone you know well to keep it real and put a situation in perspective for you. If you see someone who has any number of issues — a touch of jealousy, a hint of insecurity, or a habit of getting defensive — you and those close to you will typically blow it off. Why? Because we all have flaws.
However, we don't all have serious emotional issues. If someone close to you points out something worrisome in them — and you trust the person who reports it, it's fair to say that person probably has some emotional issues that could seriously get in the way of having a good life.
These changes can manifest in various ways, including social withdrawal, mood or energy levels, and shifts in eating or sleeping habits. One study explained that recognizing these behavioral cues can be crucial in supporting someone in distress.
3. Their negative feelings are too strong too hide
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It’s perfectly normal to show a little anger or frustration here or there. Yet sometimes, you’re out with someone and his or her reaction hits you like a freight train.
When you see them express a negative emotion, you will instantly have an "Oh snap!" moment if the emotion is too strong, and this isn’t normal.
If they get a little too angry or frustrated about something small in the blink of an eye, be very careful. There’s a good chance that they have serious emotional issues.
4. They can’t bounce back quickly after getting upset about something small
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A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is this: Getting annoyed or upset about something minor is okay as long as you can bounce back within a few minutes. But if they get upset and they're then stuck in a funk that's hard to get out of, that's a problem.
If you're with someone who can't seem to bounce back quickly, it's a sign that they may have pretty heavy emotional issues. Ask yourself immediately, Do I want to be this person's therapist? (Just checking, but please answer "no.")
Research by The American Psychological Association found that a persistent inability to bounce back from upsetting events can indicate underlying struggles related to resilience and emotional regulation. Resilience is the ability to adapt positively to adversity, and those who struggle to recover may be experiencing difficulties in emotional processing, coping mechanisms, or even potential trauma.
5. They have worrisome traits that keeps others up at night
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If you wake up in the morning and replay upsetting statements they made or you mull over things they did, odds are that your instinct is sending you a clear message that this person may have some serious emotional problems. Your instincts speak to you loudly when you hit the pillow at night, too.
If you're lying in bed and trying to fall asleep but keep replaying something upsetting about them, it's a sign that they are triggering real anxiety in you and that this person may have emotional issues that are interfering with your ability to relax and feel good about the future.
Dr. Seth Meyers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and TV guest specialist.
