8 Signs Of A Person You Can Genuinely Trust, According To Psychology
You can’t just say you’re trustworthy — you must demonstrate it.
RDNE Stock project | Pexels I come across many who are frustrated with the effect they seem to have (and lack thereof) on other people. They want to grow their businesses, resonate, connect, sell things, and make an impact. But one thing we can miss that sits at the heart of this level of influence is trust.
We’re continually telegraphing our intentions consciously and subconsciously. And people make quick judgments based on our actions. Whether we can influence another human or not lies in trust. If it’s lacking, they won’t stick around long.
Here are eight signs of a person you can genuinely trust:
1. They follow through on their promises
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Far too many people undermine the importance of doing what you said you would do. This is not only vital in instilling trust in others, but it strengthens your self-identity as someone responsible you believe in.
This is why consistent people instill more trust. Sometimes, it can seem trivial to follow through on something you said that didn’t hold much meaning to you, but every little thing you do is felt and seen in some way in the world. When we continually fail to follow our words with actions, people — slowly but surely — begin to lose their faith in us.
Research published in 2023 by the Frontiers in Psychology shows that following through on your promises significantly benefits your personal and professional relationships by building trust, enhancing your reputation, boosting self-esteem, and promoting positive emotional well-being, as breaking promises can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and damaged connections with others. Essentially, keeping your word is a crucial factor in fostering solid and reliable relationships.
2. They aren't self-absorbed
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This is the trend for many in the modern age. Everyone stares into a phone, concerned about how they look, even though no one sees them. If you’re continually thinking about how you come across, this reflects one thing: you aren’t thinking about others.
When our life strategy is one-sided — one of obsessive self-preservation — others will sense this. Would you trust someone who can’t stop thinking about themselves?
3. They're not easily triggered
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If you are triggered by something or someone and react emotionally without a thought, this shows emotional immaturity. We’re talking about the difference a few seconds make.
Learn to create the tiniest gap in your headspace so you don’t react unnecessarily. People lose trust in anyone who doesn’t have a handle on their emotions. Be careful here because this can be reputation-destroying.
Being relaxed and moving slowly can earn you respect by projecting confidence, composure, and control. A study published by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that you are not easily flustered or pressured and can make thoughtful decisions even in stressful situations. It shows that you are "in the moment" and not rushing to react impulsively.
4. They tell the truth
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Sometimes, we tell lies to be tactful in a social situation so we don’t hurt others unnecessarily. This reflects one’s social intelligence. However, most forms of lying, especially when found out by the recipient, will significantly damage a relationship and one’s level of trust. Lying is a no-brainer on this list. It’s also why demonstrating honesty is so refreshing.
How could they ever trust you again when we’re not honest, and they find out? Even when you tell the truth, people will struggle to believe you from that point on.
A 2020 study from the Journal of Legal Studies Education suggests that consistently telling the truth fosters solid and trusting relationships, reduces stress and anxiety, improves mental health, enhances personal integrity, and can even lead to a better reputation within a community, making it generally beneficial in most social situations. However, there are nuanced situations where a white lie might be considered appropriate depending on the context and intention.
5. They take good care of themselves
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Many of us disregard the need to look good on the outside. ‘It’s superficial!’ you say. But what does this communicate if you can’t find the time to take care of yourself inwardly and outwardly? Do you even have time to think of others?
A good leader’s primary trait is genuine care for those around them. This starts with one’s demonstration of self-care, right down to the small aesthetic details.
I will trust you less if you walk about with bad personal hygiene. This also applies to your online aesthetic and manner.
In a 2021 national survey by Vagaro, Americans cited the benefits of self-care as enhanced self-confidence (64%), increased productivity (67%), and happiness (71%). From a physical health perspective, self-care reduces heart disease, stroke, and cancer.
6. They're accountable for their words and actions
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I’d be rich if I made a hundred dollars for every person who approached me with a challenge they had around failed expectations.
‘Jason tells me that his co-worker drives him crazy and doesn’t pull his weight in the office.’
Relationships break down almost always because we rely on our expectations instead of making firm agreements with people. To create positive synergy, whether with a child, a spouse, or a colleague, we must make agreements with them and ourselves.
This is what being accountable means. Expectations will rarely be met. But when I take courage and say, ‘Can we agree to do this?’ now we communicate like adults, garners a trusting environment.
Research published by the Journal of Economic Psychology suggests that lowering expectations can lead to greater satisfaction and less disappointment. When people are uncertain about a desirable outcome, they may attempt to protect themselves from the experience of disappointment by underestimating their chances of obtaining the result in question.
7. They rarely make assumptions
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When we make assumptions, we act on incomplete information. We do this out of impatience and a lack of emotional maturity (notice a common thread forming?).
Basing decisions on assumptions has brought untold grief and frustration to billions of humans over time. To keep it simple, assuming things are fine but taking action based on an assumption is risky and often reckless.
If we turn out of a t-junction assuming there are no other cars, on limited information, we risk a collision. When we live like this, we surreptitiously diminish our trust in ourselves, and others will lose faith in us, too.
8. They take full responsibility for their mistakes
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Have you ever encountered someone who cannot seem to take responsibility for anything they do? How trustworthy do they seem to you?
There is a direct link between one’s propensity to assign blame to externalities and the trust they instill in others. Why?
Because a failure to assume responsibility for one’s poor judgments always comes from a place of insecurity. Insecure people are often prone to making poor decisions, and many quickly save themselves before others.
Trust happens when we see you willing to look bad or have an uncomfortable conversation if it means getting to the truth. For example, if someone admits to mistakes in their past so we learn something that will help us, this is taking responsibility, and it is honest. This instills trust. Those leaders who take risks and are willing to face criticism grow the most loyal followerships.
Several studies and philosophical discussions explore the concept of radical responsibility, particularly within fields like ethics, leadership, and social psychology, focusing on taking ownership of one's actions and impact beyond the immediate situation, often including examining systemic issues and personal complicity within them.
Philosophical explorations around "radical responsibility" usually delve into the concept of "moral agency," where individuals are seen as having a greater responsibility to consider the broader implications of their actions and choices, even if they are seemingly minor, according to a 2021 analysis published by the Journal of Nursing Philosophy.
If I can leave you with one more piece of advice on trust that has helped me over the years, and that I return to often:
We’re all connected, so forget obsessing about yourself and help others get what they want — they will want to support you in return. (You can’t just say you’re trustworthy — you must demonstrate it).
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.