16 Signs Of A Genuinely Charismatic Person, According To Psychology
People with the most charisma share these special qualities.
Tom Adabi | Canva Charisma isn’t something only granted to the fortunate few at birth. Growing up, I struggled with shyness; anyone would have labeled me ‘dull’ in my teens. There’s much I’ve learned over the years that has helped me develop my charismatic side. It’s helped invite me to podcasts, speak to thousands on stages, and attract a vast readership.
Fortunately, charismatic people have specific characteristics and personality traits that we can all learn from — and emulate if we want to put ourselves out there when dating, finding a promising career, or just making connections with our neighbors.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a charismatic personality emanates a "special magnetic charm or appeal." These individuals use nonverbal behaviors like posture and eye contact to project a charismatic personality.
Here are 16 signs of a person with true charisma:
1. They keep things light-hearted
Humor was developed as an essential social dynamic in humans and even other animals, like chimps. We need humor to soothe life’s difficulties and to deepen connections. Be light-hearted in the face of challenges, and you become the architect of a happier, more creative life.
2. They speak their mind — but not recklessly
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Occasionally, say something that needs to be told that no one else is daring to say. Speak your mind honestly. Most people are stunted by socially programmed boundaries on what they can and cannot say and thirst for honesty. Saying it straight will bring you respect. This can give you massive bonus points because it takes courage but needs to be executed with care and awareness.
3. They rarely complain
Complaining is for little girls who can’t find their doll’s missing parts. Pointing out when something is wrong is a different thing entirely. But complaining — even if it’s only in the mind — will pollute your energy and infect those around you.
According to research published in 2015 in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, complaining makes you feel worse. "Discussing events immediately during or after they occur forces the brain to re-live or 'rehearse' the negative emotional response," the researchers write. "This creates a stronger association in memory, exaggerating the influence of the emotional episode."
4. They listen deeply without distraction
Speaking less demonstrates comfort in one’s skin if coupled with a relaxed demeanor and adds to your sense of mystery. Talking less and listening more can earn you respect in several ways, including building trust, being a stronger conversationalist, being open and thoughtful, being mysterious, being in control, and being a good listener, research from 2016 confirms.
5. They don't jump to conclusions
You can tell when someone’s jumping to conclusions and finding it difficult to think. They are moving and thinking too fast. They make life harder for themselves by rushing. Instead, slow down physically, and the mind will decelerate. One of the best ways to slow down your thoughts, according to research from Harvard University, is to meditate.
6. They embrace their quirks
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To nurture an open and, therefore, more creative mind — one capable of cultivating compelling ideas — I am working on the rarest quality of all: the ability to observe. Doing this attaches a subtle stigma.
You are "weird" if you observe because most people rarely observe. Follow your weird. There is power in observation. To see the world for what it is. This is the truest source of wisdom.
7. They pay attention to their hygiene
Seemingly mundane and ‘vain’ things like cutting your toenails or ironing your creased shirt aren’t a frivolous luxury; they’re primary. How you take care of yourself strongly influences not only how you feel but also how you think about yourself. Doubt will constantly bark at the doorstep of someone who dresses like a slob 24/7. How you dress is how people perceive you, 2023 research confirms.
8. They truly accept themselves (and others)
The connection between someone validating our choices and our sense of well-being seems natural. But, as with possessions and happiness, it too is an illusion — and one that keeps us miserable. No matter what we choose to do, many people, including family members, will not respond well to our choices.
The alternative is to connect with your true self, be willing to separate from the herd, and reap the rewards of taking risks. Acceptance from others is not the goal, but self-acceptance is. Self-acceptance will boost your confidence, Harvard University research confirms.
9. They're vulnerable
Those who turn heads don’t speak as much as most and don’t reveal everything about themselves. But when they do, it’s straight honesty. People who are honest communicators tend to be easily respected, according to research from The Journal of Experimental Psychology.
Perhaps you take the courage to share what feels uncomfortable, or you’re willing to admit when you made a mistake. This kind of communication is refreshing and relieves stress because you aren’t walking around trying to be anyone you're not.
10. They go against the grain
Instead of frolicking with the majority and picking up scraps, go against the grain. Use the insights gleaned from seeing what most people don’t do as your guide. You will rise further than most and develop a healthier relationship by turning uncomfortable things into precious things.
11. They don't rush through life
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People are rushed and stressed. Most secretly want to be led and for someone to show up and make them feel better, less stressed, and more critical. Be that person. Leaders are people with a vision and energy, according to research from Harvard University.
12. They don't take every thought at face value
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of listening to the thoughts that belittle you. Research from the University of Notre Dame states that our mind lies to us a lot. They’re just thoughts. They can be ignored. Refuse to buy into them, and choose to act from the part of you that leads soldiers into battle.
13. They're adept at releasing tension
Scanning your body mentally can help you understand where you are holding tension, how it affects you, and help you release stress. Studies have found that body scan meditation can help with stress relief, improve sleep, enhance self-awareness, reduce pain, and boost self-compassion.
14. They don't live in their heads
Sabotage is far more likely when we’re in our heads. We can’t be in our heads if we’re doing one thing at a time. How? Because we’re no longer in planning or thinking mode. We’re in motion. We’re in the flow of doing. In this state, we’re gifted with insight that lifts us higher.
Research by the American Psychological Association shows that focusing on one thing at a time, also known as "single-tasking," is significantly more productive than attempting to multitask, as the human brain is not designed to effectively handle multiple tasks simultaneously, leading to decreased efficiency, increased errors, and mental fatigue when switching between tasks
15. They're humble
Through Zen Buddhism’s Shoshin — or "Beginner’s Mind," the idea is to learn with a beginner’s eagerness and humility, regardless of your knowledge level.
"If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind, there are few." — Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.
Counter-intuitively, this is the path to true expertise — and as Master Yi from League Of Legends said, "A true master is an eternal student." Psychology’s Dunning Kruger effect supports this. While the competent underestimate themselves, the incompetent are delusional.
16. They genuinely enjoy life
Life is uncertain and often makes it seem like we need to adopt clever strategies to ‘beat the uncertainty.’ We compensate for our ‘lack of preparedness’ by adopting mindset tricks like ‘faking it till you make it,’ ‘focus on the audience,’ or ‘make eye contact to seem more dominant’ or all three. Faking it until you make it, as research from 2022 puts it, actually works.
Don’t try. Just find a way to relax and enjoy yourself. Everything you need will be there for you through insights from a deeper place. The result is that we too often devote ourselves to pushing harder or moving faster in areas of our lives where effort and striving are, in fact, profoundly counterproductive, a professor of Asian Studies and Embodied Cognition at the University of British Columbia and a renowned scholar of Chinese thought found.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.