10 Signs Jealousy Is Destroying Your Relationship, According To Psychology
The effects of jealousy can cause a relationship breakdown.
Изображения пользователя Yevhen, Dean Drobot, FSTOPLIGHT | Canva Everybody knows about jealousy, right? Maybe you've read a "little" jealousy is good for you or when your partner is jealous, it means they care. Yet, if you struggle with jealousy, you probably know how painful and destructive it can be.
Even though you understand jealousy isn't a beneficial habit, it remains tough to break. You can't easily erase the jealous thoughts that pop into your mind and build up to cause you to say or do things you regret.
You get triggered. You interrogate your partner, compare yourself to others, and worry you'll be betrayed and left. However, when you're caught in a battle between you and a nasty habit like jealousy, it helps to look at the specifics.
Here are 10 signs jealousy is destroying your relationship, according to psychology:
1. Your physical health is being affected
It's stressful to be jealous, and prolonged stress means a higher likelihood that you may develop health problems like high blood pressure, headaches, back pain, stomach aches, ulcers, and maybe even heart attack or stroke, as documented in research conducted by Naila Rasheed, Ph.D.
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2. Your mental health is weakening
Certain types of mental disorders develop from very severe jealousy. But even more common forms of jealousy can be harmful to your mental and emotional health.
A study in the European Journal of Investigation in Health Psychology and Education describes how depression, difficulty concentrating, mood swings, anxiety, and insomnia are just a few examples.
3. You have damaged the trust your partner feels toward you
Lindsey Rodriguez, PhD of the University of Houston suggests jealousy causes you to mistrust your partner, and they may begin to mistrust you too. Your partner isn't sure what will set you off and what won't. They will be more cautious and reserved around you because you might say you're "OK" one minute and then get angry because of jealousy the next.
This makes it tough for your partner to trust you'll be honest, listen, and not jump to conclusions.
4. You have damaged the trust you feel for yourself
There's no doubt that jealousy ravages trust in yourself. You question your judgment and your ability to know what's going on because of the mind tricks that jealousy plays.
5. You misperceive common situations
Whether it's a conversation you have with your partner or something you see with your own eyes, it's interpreted through a strong filter of jealousy that is often skewed or flat-out wrong.
6. You aren't present in your relationship
Jealousy sucks you back into the past — the painful past of betrayals and disappointments. You can't appreciate improvements to your relationship or changes your partner is making because all you can see is the past.
7. Your old arguments restart
It's nearly impossible to let go of a disagreement or argument because your jealous mind will return to what you think happened — or what you think your partner "really" meant — and restart the upset all over again.
8. There is an intense insecurity in the relationship
You know those comparisons you make where everyone else is so much more (fill in the blank) than you are? A study in Frontiers in Psychology helps explain how they'll only get bigger and more intense and cause you to be more and more insecure about yourself.
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9. You find it difficult to talk about even everyday topics
Communication suffers when you have a jealous habit. "No big deal" topics of conversation turn into tense and hostile arguments because you can't hear what your partner is saying.
10. Your partner questions staying in the relationship
At some point, your partner is going to wonder if this is worth the drama and pain and whether or not they should stay in the relationship or leave it. Though your partner may love you deeply, the unfair accusations, mistrust, and interrogations can become too much as explored in research by Dr. Mark Attridge.
Your jealousy is not allowing you to live the kind of life and create the kind of relationship you've always wanted. It might even be endangering your relationship and your well-being. You deserve to have what you want, and you actually can have what you want. It's time to see jealousy for what it is — destructive and standing in your way — and to do something about it.
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.