If Your Partner Asks For Space, Research Says To Do These 6 Things Sooner Than Later
Focus on what you can do to give them the room they need without losing them.
Prostock-studio | Canva You've been hit with news your partner needs space or is thinking about taking a break from your relationship, and you're probably heartbroken. You might be surprised your mate is asking for space.
You are possibly searching for ways to change your partner's mind. You might also fear this separation will only grow into a permanent breakup or divorce. We can't guarantee you will get back together or the separation will not lead to a breakup. You might feel powerless because you cannot force your partner to stay, and you cannot force your love.
You do have the power to change. You get to decide how you will respond. You can make a conscious choice about what you do during this separation.
Here are 6 things to do sooner than later if your partner asks for space, says research:
1. Care for and nurture yourself
For many people, hearing their partner wants space can be quite a shock. When a person is in shock, they might walk around dull and dazed or have a difficult time just getting through the normal routine.
Make a conscious effort to give yourself extra care and nurturing right now. Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of water. Treat yourself to bubble baths, relaxing music, get a massage, or whatever
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
helps you feel just a bit more soothed.
2. Gather a support system
Take a look at your friends and family. Who helps you feel supported and uplifted? Make a list of these people and the books, music, activities, and groups that are truly supportive of your healing. Deliberately spend more time with these people and doing these things.
3. Resist the urge to predict the future
Naturally, your mind might drift off to the future when the unknowns in your relationship are finally resolved. Depending on how you feel at any moment, this prediction of your future might be hopeful, or depressing, and bleak.
Stay present. As much as you don't like what's going on in your life at this moment, try to be present anyway. The benefits of being present are you can base your response on what you know to be true instead of what you are imagining.
4. Set ground rules for the separation
Just because your partner is the one who is asking for space, it doesn't mean you have no voice or say. While you cannot force your mate to stay with you when they want to separate for a while, you can request to set down some ground rules for this time apart.
Create clear agreements about topics like these: fidelity, appropriate and inappropriate interactions with others, how much (or how little) contact with one another, financial matters, childcare issues, etc.
You might also request a specific period for this space or separation. After this time, the two of you could come together to talk and make some decisions about your relationship, as demonstrated in a study on romantic attachment and adjustment to separation.
Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock
5. Feel your emotions
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Research from the American Psychological Association on emotional experiences following a breakup helps explain that while it's important not to become stuck in sadness, fear, or whatever emotions are coming up for you, it's just as important for you to let the feelings flow.
When you ignore or try to stuff down the way you feel, it will almost always come up later in more intense ways. When you take regular time to allow yourself to cry when you need to or get angry when you feel angry and you do this in ways that don't hurt you or another person, your emotions can more easily move through you.
6. Become a better partner
Take some time during this separation period to work on yourself and become a better partner. Please hear us. We are not saying your partner asked for space because there is something wrong with you, or you are solely to blame. We are advising you to recognize and take responsibility for the role you might have played in some of your relationship challenges.
This could be a time to develop new habits. You might tend to get jealous or withhold intimacy when angry, or to hold a grudge, for example. Even if you and your partner do not get back together after this separation, you can benefit, as supported by research from the Journal of Family Psychology.
As you courageously look at your habits, you can also assess your relationship as a whole. Acknowledge the patterns you and your partner have and ask yourself if they are healthy and desirable.
Give yourself the freedom to decide whether or not staying together is a good idea for both of you. Keep returning to what you can do during this time. A sense of empowerment helps you make requests, create agreements, and make decisions that will better serve you.
Mladen Mitrinovic via Shutterstock
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.