6 Highly Respected Personality Traits That Are Actually Trauma Responses
The road to healing is filled with triggers.
fizkes | Shutterstock People who have been through trauma are often good at hiding it. It’s not exactly something they want to share with the world, which is understandable. However, there may be some personality traits that are highly revered by most but are actually trauma responses.
Social media collective The Depression Project, started by brothers Danny and Matthew Baker, shares tips about mental health across platforms. Recently, they explained in an Instagram post that some traits that are usually sought after may be triggered by trauma.
Here are 6 respected personality traits that are actually trauma responses:
1. Constant preparedness
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Being prepared for things that come up, whether planned or unplanned, seems like a good thing. If you’re ready for whatever comes, then nothing can catch you off guard. It’s like being that person that always carries absolutely everything in their purse — you’re ready for any scenario.
Unfortunately, this can actually be a response to trauma. “This could stem from a need to feel in control and prepared for any traumatic event [recurring],” The Depression Project said. If you need to feel in control, you’re not the kind of person who can go with the flow easily. In fact, the flow scares you. But that’s essentially what life is.
2. Withdrawal from conflict
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Some people would see a person getting out of conflict as a good thing. It means that a person doesn’t want to escalate an already tough situation with someone else. But sometimes, conflict is necessary, and avoiding it can be a trauma response. “This could be mistaken for being non-confrontational or passive, but may actually be a protective response to avoid potential triggers associated with conflict,” The Depression Project said.
Trauma therapist Odelya Gertel Kraybill said when writing for Psychology Today that she actually believes that withdrawal is the fourth stress reaction along with fight, flight, and freeze. “Withdrawal is both a short-term reaction to immediate danger and a long-term reaction to overwhelming exposure to stress, dangers, and life-threatening situations,” she said.
3. Intense independence
Our society is conditioned to view independence as a good thing. The more independent you are, the better. But that isn’t always true. “This may come across as a strong, self-sufficient personality, when it’s actually a response to past abandonment or instability, leading to a fear of relying on others,” The Depression Project stated.
According to VeryWell Mind, intense independence as a trauma response can be a sign of neglect when younger or feeling like you don’t deserve help. Of course, not asking for help is fine in some situations, but very dangerous in others.
4. Emotional detachment
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It may seem like a good thing to be able to release yourself from strong emotional bonds, as this can keep you safe. But, when taken to an extreme, it can keep you a little too safe. “This can actually be a form of dissociation or a protective measure to avoid emotional pain,” according to the Depression Project.
Healthline confirmed this. “Sometimes, emotional detachment may result from traumatic events, such as childhood abuse or neglect,” they said. “Children who live through abuse or neglect may develop emotional detachment as a means of survival.”
5. Risk aversion
Risk aversion is a trait that may be admirable for many. After all, risks are scary, and avoiding them doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. But avoiding them entirely means you won’t really ever do anything in your life. According to The Depression Project, “This can be seen as being cautious or prudent, but could actually be a fear of repeating past trauma, leading to avoidance of potentially rewarding experiences.”
A study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization found that children who grew up during the “peak” of the Korean War were more risk-averse than those who were not. Living out your childhood during war would certainly be considered a traumatic experience.
6. Perfectionism
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Let’s be honest — people like perfectionists. They get everything done exactly right. They are often admired, especially in roles that require organization and attention to detail, like an employee or a parent. Perfectionism has a lot of pitfalls. One that isn’t talked about very often is how it is a trauma response that stems from “feelings of inadequacy or a fear of criticism,” according to The Depression Project.
Licensed clinical social worker Kaytee Gillis explained on Psychology Today, “Rooted in fear of failure or abandonment, perfectionism becomes a way to avoid criticism, rejection or further trauma by striving for flawlessness in every aspect of life.”
Trauma’s effects are deep and long-lasting.
Trauma isn’t something you can just move on from. Instead, you develop coping mechanisms to deal with what you’ve been through that look like honorable traits but are really responses triggered by your past. Holding on to these behaviors because some people like them is not worth it when letting go could help you heal further.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.