3 Psychological Tricks To Shut Down A Mean Co-Worker, According To A Career Coach
Take the high road and avoid the meanies.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Our jobs often put us into contact with people we might not otherwise choose to spend our time with, meaning we need to know how to manage people we don’t necessarily like. Finding harmony in the workplace can be especially difficult when you have a co-worker who puts in extra effort to disrupt your flow or take you down.
Career coach Farah Sharghi shared a few tips for how to manage difficult people without losing your cool.
Here are 3 psychological tricks to shut down a mean co-worker:
1. Resist retaliation
Sharghi based her guidance on her own professional experience, saying, “As an expert in tech recruiting in Silicon Valley, I’ve seen firsthand how difficult colleagues can operate.”
She described a three-step approach to dealing with co-workers who don’t play nice.
“When a mean co-worker spreads rumors about you, it’s tempting to go on the counter offense, sharing their misdeeds with everybody,” Sharghi said. “It’s natural to want to expose their true nature for everybody to see.”
Even though the instinct to fight fire with fire is a normal response, Sharghi advised against talking poorly about them.
“Avoid bringing them up at all,” she said. “From a psychological viewpoint, speaking ill of someone else can just diminish your own standing and make you appear less appealing to others.
Sharghi brought up a valuable point: Gossiping is often seen as negative behavior, so trying to beat the workplace rumor mill at their own game can totally backfire.
Yet there are some positive effects of gossip, which by definition, differs from spreading rumors.
Gossiping can serve as a coping mechanism, allowing co-workers to vent and relieve some level of anxiety and stress. It can be a tool to collect information about others, as a way to glean insight into how an organization operates.
In a conversation held by the Institute for Public Relations, Dr. Andrea Hetrick, an associate professor at the University of New Mexico’s Anderson School of Management, discussed a research article on workplace gossip that she co-authored with Trevor Spoelma, also from the University of New Mexico.
Hetrick noted the difference between gossip and rumors, which is untrue information about someone. She defined gossip as “any type of evaluative talk about someone who’s not present, but it’s not necessarily untrue information meant to sabotage someone.”
Examples of positive gossip in the workplace include complimenting team members who aren’t present or defending their actions when they’re not around. Negative gossip in the workplace looks more like criticism, such as questioning someone’s competency or telling an unflattering story about them.
Within her research, Hetrick found that positive gossip had beneficial outcomes in the workplace, as it led to more collaboration among coworkers. In contrast, negative gossip could create an unsafe office culture, where employees are less motivated to complete their work.
Shaghri’s advice pertains more to negative workplace gossip. If a coworker is spreading rumors about you, it’s best to let it slide instead of trying to get back at them.
2. Manage your reactions
When your mean co-worker tries to get a rise out of you, focus on harnessing your inner calm. Reacting in an explosive way might make it seem like you’re the bad guy in the situation or that you can’t control your emotions.
fizkes | Shutterstock
“Succumbing to anger just diminishes your influence in a professional environment,” Sharghi explained. “If you let anger dictate your responses, you’re just giving them the upper hand.”
There’s a thin line between an unpleasant co-worker and people who engage in workplace bullying, which is something that should be documented and brought to HR in an attempt to protect yourself.
Sharghi’s guidance is valuable in that, most of the time, it means people are trying to get a reaction out of you — so not reacting at all is really the best strategy. Not engaging with someone else’s poor behavior shows that you hold yourself above the fray.
3. Engage your co-worker in a conversation
“Often, mean co-workers behave the way they do because no one challenges them,” Sharghi said. “Their peers avoid confrontation because they fear repercussions.”
She recommended approaching that co-worker and having a discussion about how their behavior affects you.
“This direct and honest conversation is gonna be unexpected, and it could disarm them,” she said. “It’s in these moments that they’ll most likely reconsider their bad behavior.”
fizkes | Shutterstock
Yet even a calm, gentle confrontation might not produce the outcome you’re hoping for, especially if your co-worker is a true bully. Still, having a one-on-one discussion is the most adult way to handle issues in the workplace, rather than trying to exact some version of office revenge.
Having an unsavory co-worker can really color your work experience, but it’s best not to let them know just how much they bother you. In the end, taking the high road benefits you the most.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.