11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Make Someone Else Feel Guilty

Guilt is a powerful emotion that can affect how we perceive ourselves and interact with others. Brilliant communicators know that they can carefully choose phrases, not to manipulate others, but to make them feel just guilty enough that they will reflect on their past transgressions and recognize the impact of their behaviors without anyone resorting to blame or hostility.

Using guilt as a tool can result in both negative and positive outcomes. When used incorrectly, it can make people feel like you are manipulating them. However, when used the right way, it can potentially change their behavior for the better, even if you don't get to witness that change firsthand. This approach is less about control and more about guiding someone toward self-awareness in a constructive manner.

Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to make someone else feel guilty

1. 'I used to think highly of you'

a woman tells her boyfriend that she expected more from him after he said some bad things about her Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Sometimes people need to hear that they have disappointed you to understand the impact of their actions. Guilt with a little bit of empathy sprinkled in can make it more empathic rather than accusatory. Making someone feel guilty about the pain that they caused you can be a motivator for them to repair the damage they caused.

Inducing feelings of guilt in people may lead them to take reparative actions such as sharing resources with those they had wronged, particularly when the transgression was noticed by the victim. If a person truly cares about their relationship, then an apology will come naturally.

2. 'I wouldn't have done that to you'

a man tells his wife that he would have never done what she did to him Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock

Saying this phrase to someone is an attempt to appeal to the values and decency shared between the two of you. It's a way of reminding them that at some point in time, the two of you were close. The closeness of a relationship can influence how guilt is experienced and addressed.

Doing things like making amends or seeking forgiveness are common when two people who are close want to mend the relationship. Telling them that you would never have treated them the way they treated you can be a powerful tool to help them realize their growth and to take accountability for their actions. Sometimes people need to be reminded of what they do and how odd or even rude the behavior is. This is all about setting your limits with people who do you wrong.

3. 'It's okay, I know we all have our moments'

a woman tries to make her sister feel guilty for making fun of her looks for years by saying that we all look bad Andriiii | Shutterstock

Stating that everything is okay because we all have our moments is one way of defusing the conflict by acknowledging that everyone has human imperfections, but suggesting that what they did was not okay. It can be misleading, but it leaves the listener a space to reflect rather than retreat and leave things unsaid. Emotional awareness doesn't flourish when it's under attack.

This phrase can also be used as sarcasm, especially when they have made fun of you in the past for something similar. Appealing to someone's guilt can allow them to take responsibility for their actions and engage in better behavior. Brilliant people know better than to kick someone when they're down, but sometimes this is necessary, especially when they have done it to them in the past.

4. 'I hope you never have to feel what I'm feeling right now'

a woman hopes her boyfriend does not feel the way she does after trying to make him feel guilty DimaBerlin | Shutterstock

Telling someone that you hope they never feel the way you did when they betrayed you is more of a human statement than a moral one. It's natural to feel sadness and express extreme emotions. Sometimes people don't see the weight of their actions until they see it through someone else's pain. This brings out their compassionate side, which opens them up to understanding the damage they caused.

When you combine guilt and empathy, you can encourage people to become better. People who are more prone to guilt and possess higher levels of empathy are more likely to engage in helping behaviors. By expressing your feelings and eliciting empathy, you can make others feel more consideration towards you.

5. 'I guess I misjudged our relationship'

a man leaves his girlfriend after finding out that he has been wasting his time Studio Romantic | Shutterstock

There are different ways to deal with the breakdown of a relationship. Some refuse to let go, while others walk away with no remorse. Both can be heartbreaking, but a way to leave your mark and make the other person think about what they've done is to simply say that you misjudged them and where you thought your relationship with them was going.

Not only does this sting, but it expresses your disillusionment with the relationship while still leaving space for reconciliation. This can be an incredibly impactful phrase to use in a relationship that doesn't seem to be progressing. It can also be brought up during situations when you feel like your morals and values no longer align with each other.

6. 'I didn't expect this from you'

a wife did not expect her husband to treat their daughter so poorly Bangkok Click Studio | Shutterstock

We have high expectations for the people that we are close to, so when they fail to live up to those, we get upset and take it as a betrayal. By saying that you didn't expect it from them is a start in the right direction because it allows them to rethink what they did. They now have to sit with the fact that they wronged you or someone else, the two of you care about.

It's less about shaming and more about helping them realize how what they said or did affected others. This way, they rethink their choices in the future. It's a heavy thing to go through, but if they are remorseful and promise to change their behavior in the future, then only then can you guys move past it.

7. 'Do what you think is right'

a man tells his girlfriend that she should do what she thinks is right fizkes | Shutterstock

Telling someone that they should do what they think is right gives them the autonomy and respect of making their own choice. Brilliant people know this only works if you genuinely don't care what they choose to do. You never want to coerce someone into doing something that they don't want to do. Let them decide whether the choice was right or not.

It leaves space for silence and self-examination. Which is far more powerful than accusations or confrontations. They can now reflect on the relationship and what they did throughout it. It also challenges them to live up to their own standards, whether they're good or bad.

8. 'I'll handle it, like always'

a wife is upset that her husband won’t do the dishes and she always has to do them Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock

Making someone feel guilty for not pulling their weight is not taking advantage of them if they really don't contribute much on their end. When someone you're close to has grown too comfortable, then it's safe to say that you are the one being taken advantage of. The only way to course correct this is to explain to them the contributions you have made and where they are lacking.

This gives the listener a chance to recognize that someone else has been quietly stepping up a little bit more than they have. For instance, a wife who makes her husband feel guilty for not doing the dishes enough when she does them all of the time. According to a survey by Pew Research Center, 59% of women believe they do more household chores than their spouses do, while only 6% of men share this view. It's not manipulation if it's true that you are the one who pulls more of the weight in the relationship.

9. 'Don't worry, I'm used to being overlooked'

a teenage girl tells her mother that she is used to being overlooked over her brother Motortion Films | Shutterstock

What makes this phrase particularly striking is the deep-seated truth behind it. The person who says this may actually be feeling both the old and new trauma all at the same time. Saying this is a way of letting them know a little bit more about you that they didn't before. It's actually you opening up to them after a betrayal rather than closing yourself off.

We tend to learn this behavior in the form of parental guilt as children. When people are made to feel responsible for another's emotions, it can lead to negative outcomes such as anxiety and depression. We should always be mindful of the words we speak to others because we never know what they’re really going through.

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10. 'I thought you were different'

a woman thought her husband was different New Africa | Shutterstock

We all want to believe someone we are close to is different from other people we have met in our lives who have caused us harm, but sometimes we have to realize that they are human, just like everyone else. When we tell them that we thought they were different, it suggests that they've acted in a way that contradicts the values or character that they once displayed. It comes from a place of surprise rather than a place of criticism.

The key lies in the delivery. When spoken with a calm tone, it can spark a real change in them. By saying this, you remind them that their actions do matter and that people are paying attention to them. This whole situation also breaks trust with the person who was hurt. If they felt in the past that they couldn't trust someone after a betrayal, and they believed everyone behaved in that way, then you just proved them right.

11. 'I wish you the best'

a woman wished the man she was involved with the best as they went their separate ways fizkes | Shutterstock

When you feel disappointed in someone's actions and no longer see any future with them in your life, then one way to let them go peacefully is to tell them that you wish them well. Wishing them the best shows that despite the pain that they've caused, a part of you still wants them to be happy. This phrase works as a direct way of letting them know that you are ready to move on without them.

True brilliance lies in controlling the emotional tone of a conversation but still managing to bring depth to it. These are not manipulative phrases if used out of sincerity. They are simply emotionally intelligent ways to express pain without getting confrontational. Telling them that you wish them the best can be a final yet haunting goodbye.

Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.